Isabella Chase
We all have a certain pull, an energy that draws people to us. But what if that energy seems to magnetically attract people who are self-absorbed, egotistical, and unempathetic?
You might look back on your relationships and question why you consistently end up with partners who are narcissists, or feel unsure as to why these individuals seem drawn to you.
How can you tell if this is just an unfortunate pattern, or if there’s something more complex at play?
Today, let’s explore that. Here are 7 behaviors that people who frequently attract narcissists often display, often without realizing it.
If these behaviors ring true for you, it might be time to reassess your relationship dynamics and work towards healthier interactions.
1) Being a people-pleaser
Being a people-pleaser can often be interpreted as an open invitation for narcissists.
People-pleasers are often kind-hearted individuals who put others’ needs before their own. They strive for harmony and avoid conflicts at all costs.
This behavior, while admirable, can attract narcissists who seek an audience to validate their inflated self-image.
As the folks at Spin Cycle Coaching explain:
“A narcissist targets people who they can control and have power over. To further complicate matters, a people pleaser is so drawn to the love bombing stage that they want to protect the emotional closeness and connection at all costs. So it makes sense that this person will fall prey to a narcissist.”
Recognizing this behavior in oneself is the first step towards breaking the cycle and attracting healthier relationships. It’s about striking the balance between being kind and setting boundaries.
2) Attracting drama
Once upon a time, I was what you’d call a drama magnet. It seemed like my life was a never-ending cycle of chaos, misunderstandings, and emotional highs and lows.
Without realizing it, I was creating an environment that was attractive to narcissists. Turns out, they thrive on drama because it diverts attention back to them and feeds their need for control.
I remember my relationship with a certain friend who always seemed to be at the center of some controversy or another. Our interactions were draining, filled with her endless stories about conflicts with others. It took me a while to realize that she was a narcissist who thrived on this constant turmoil.
Once I recognized this in myself, I started making conscious efforts to limit the drama in my life and establish healthier relationships. And you know what? It made all the difference.
So if your life seems to be constantly engulfed by drama, take a step back and assess your role in it. You might be unknowingly attracting narcissists into your life.
3) Lack of boundaries
One of the biggest reasons narcissists are drawn to certain people is a lack of boundaries.
Narcissists thrive on control and validation, and if you’re someone who struggles to set limits, they see it as an open invitation to take advantage.
Whether it’s always saying “yes” to their demands, letting them dictate the pace of the relationship, or tolerating behavior that makes you uncomfortable, weak boundaries can create the perfect environment for their manipulation to flourish.
It’s not that you intend to let your boundaries slip—it’s often a mix of wanting to keep the peace, avoid confrontation, or simply being unsure where to draw the line.
The problem is, narcissists are experts at pushing limits little by little until they’re firmly in control. The next thing you know, you’re bending over backward to accommodate them while your own needs are left in the dust.
The key is recognizing when and where to draw those lines and sticking to them. Boundaries aren’t about being cold or shutting people out—they’re about protecting your time, energy, and emotional well-being.
When you start asserting your limits, you make it much harder for narcissists to worm their way in.
And the best part? Healthy, respectful people will appreciate your boundaries, while narcissists will lose interest and move on.
4) Low self-esteem
Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. It’s the opinion we have about who we are and what we’re capable of.
When our self-esteem is low, it can often feel like we’re stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt.
Narcissists, with their inflated sense of self and outward confidence, can seem like a beacon of light to those struggling with low self-esteem. They present themselves as confident, charming, and charismatic individuals who seem to have it all figured out.
However, this dynamic can quickly turn toxic. Narcissists often use their partners’ insecurities to manipulate and control them, causing further damage to their self-esteem.
Breaking free from this cycle involves building up your self-esteem. Start by recognizing your worth and embracing your strengths. You are more than capable, and you deserve respect and kindness – from others and most importantly, from yourself.
5) Over-empathy
I’ve always considered myself an empath. I feel things deeply, and I often find myself absorbing the emotions of those around me.
While this ability to empathize on a deep level has enriched my relationships, it’s also left me vulnerable to narcissists.
Due to their need for constant attention and validation, narcissists are drawn to empaths like a moth to a flame. They feed off the empathy, compassion, and understanding that empaths provide.
In my past relationships with narcissists, I found myself constantly giving and giving, emotionally drained but still trying to fill their insatiable need for validation. It was like trying to fill a bottomless pit.
Recognizing this pattern was a game-changer for me. I learned that while empathy is a beautiful trait, it’s important to protect it and not let it be taken advantage of.
Empathy without boundaries can lead to emotional exhaustion and one-sided relationships. So, protect your energy and remember – it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.
6) Avoidance of confrontation
Confrontation isn’t fun for most people, but for some, it’s a nightmare they’d do anything to avoid. This avoidance often comes from a fear of conflict or a desire to keep the peace at any cost.
However, this behavior can make you attractive to narcissists. They see your avoidance of confrontation as an opportunity to assert their dominance and control without being challenged.
Avoiding confrontation means that you’re less likely to call out a narcissist on their behavior. This allows them to continue their manipulative tactics without any consequences.
It’s important to understand that healthy confrontation is a necessary part of any relationship. It’s about expressing your feelings and standing up for yourself when you’re being treated unfairly.
By learning to manage confrontations in a healthy way, you can set boundaries and prevent narcissists from taking advantage of your peaceful nature.
7) Ignoring red flags
Finally, if you tend to overlook red flags when they first appear, you just might be a magnet for narcissists.
Narcissists are good at presenting themselves in the best light possible, especially at the beginning of a relationship. They can seem charming, attentive, and exciting. But beneath this facade often lies a pattern of manipulation and control.
When we choose to ignore these red flags, we allow narcissists to continue their behavior unchecked. We might justify their actions or blame ourselves, but this only serves to keep us stuck in an unhealthy dynamic.
The most important thing you can do is trust your instincts. If something feels off, chances are, it is.
Don’t ignore these red flags. Acknowledge them, address them, and remember – you deserve a relationship that brings you happiness and respect, not doubt and discomfort.
