Isabella Chase
Love. It’s an emotion we all crave, yet few of us truly understand.
These misguided notions of love often stem from fairy tales, rom-coms, and social media’s filtered snapshots.
But real love is far from these glamorous depictions, and holding onto such illusions can lead to heartache.
In this article, I’ll shed light on these 8 behaviors so you can identify if you or someone you know is falling into this love illusion trap.
Let’s dive in:
1) Idealizing their partners
A common behavior among those with an unrealistic idea of love is the tendency to idealize their partners, painting them in a picture-perfect light that leaves no room for flaws or shortcomings.
This pattern often leads to disappointment and disillusionment when the reality fails to match the fantasy.
Idealization not only puts unrealistic expectations on the partner, but it also creates an imbalance in the relationship.
The idolized partner may feel pressured to live up to these expectations, which can lead to stress and resentment.
The person doing the idealizing, on the other hand, is setting themselves up for disappointment.
Ultimately, no one can live up to an unrealistic standard, and when the partner inevitably falls short, it can lead to feelings of betrayal and heartbreak.
2) Expecting love to be effortless
Another common behavior that I’ve noticed is the expectation that love should be effortless.
This belief often stems from movies and novels where love is portrayed as a magical force that conquers all obstacles without any exertion from the parties involved.
I remember a time in my own life when I held onto this belief. In my early twenties, I entered a relationship with high expectations of endless romance and effortless harmony.
But when disagreements and challenges inevitably arose, I felt disoriented and disillusioned.
It took me a while to understand that love, like anything of value, requires effort, compromise, and sometimes, uncomfortable conversations.
As the saying goes, “Love is a verb”.
It’s not just about feeling good all the time but about growing together, navigating challenges, and continually choosing each other – even when the going gets tough.
This realization was a significant turning point in how I approached relationships moving forward.
3) Believing that love should complete them
Another behavior that people with unrealistic love expectations often display is the belief that love should complete them.
There’s this persistent myth in our society, perpetuated by movies and songs, that we’re all half of a whole, waiting for our “other half” to make us feel whole.
This notion is not only unrealistic but also harmful.
It fosters dependency and puts undue pressure on the relationship to fill voids and heal wounds that are, in reality, an individual’s responsibility to address.
True love isn’t about finding someone to complete you but about sharing your already whole self with another.
As acclaimed psychotherapist Virginia Satir poignantly said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
This quote captures the essence of love as a nurturing force that promotes growth rather than as a crutch for survival.
4) Ignoring red flags
People with an unrealistic idea of love often have a tendency to overlook or dismiss red flags in a relationship.
Whether it’s consistent disrespect, a lack of trust, or incompatible life goals, these individuals might choose to ignore these signs in the hope that love will somehow make everything okay.
This behavior is rooted in what psychologists call “confirmation bias” – the tendency to interpret new evidence as confirmation of one’s existing beliefs or theories.
In this case, the belief that love should be like a fairy tale can lead people to ignore evidence that contradicts this narrative.
However, ignoring red flags can lead to painful consequences down the line.
It’s important to approach relationships with a balanced perspective, acknowledging both the good and the potentially problematic aspects.
5) Equating love with intense passion
It may seem counter-intuitive, but those with an unrealistic perception of love often mistake intense passion for enduring love.
The initial sparks and butterflies that characterize the early stages of a relationship can be exhilarating, leading individuals to believe they’ve found “the one”.
However, this intensity is usually part of the infatuation phase and is not sustainable in the long run.
True love is often quieter, characterized by deep respect, mutual understanding, and a shared sense of values and goals.
Mistaking passion for love can lead to turbulent relationships marked by extreme highs and lows.
People who equate love with passion might find themselves constantly chasing the initial thrill, hopping from one relationship to another in search of that elusive spark.
6) Holding onto a ‘checklist’
People with an unrealistic view of love often have a rigid ‘checklist’ they believe their future partner should adhere to.
Whether it’s physical appearance, a certain career, or even a specific sense of humor, they stick to this checklist, dismissing potential partners who don’t meet these criteria.
While having standards is important, being too rigid can limit opportunities to meet diverse individuals who could bring value and growth into their lives.
And let’s be real:
Love is often found in the most unexpected places, with people who might not tick every box on a preconceived list.
In reality, what’s more important than a checklist is the connection, shared values, and mutual respect between two individuals.
7) Believing love can fix everything
There was a time when I believed that love had the power to fix everything.
That it could heal old wounds, mend broken hearts, and erase past traumas.
This belief led to a pattern of entering relationships hoping to find healing and wholeness.
But over time, I realized that this expectation was not only unrealistic but also unfair to my partners.
It placed an undue burden on them to be my therapist, healer, and savior – roles that they were neither qualified nor obliged to fill.
Healing is a personal journey that requires introspection, self-awareness, and often professional help.
While love can provide support and companionship along the way, it shouldn’t be seen as a panacea for personal issues.
As psychologist Dr. Brene Brown wisely said, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
8) Viewing love as a destination
One of the most common behaviors among people with an unrealistic idea of love is viewing it as a destination.
They believe that once they find ‘The One’, all their problems will magically disappear and they will live ‘happily ever after’.
Contrary to this belief, love is more of a journey than a destination.
It’s about growing together, learning about each other, and continually choosing each other through life’s ups and downs.
Viewing love as a destination can lead to complacency in a relationship.
Once the initial goal of ‘finding love‘ is achieved, they might stop putting effort into nurturing the relationship leading to stagnation or decline.
In conclusion, love is neither a mere emotion nor a fairytale ending, but a dynamic journey that demands understanding, effort, and resilience.
By recognizing and steering clear of these eight unrealistic behaviors, individuals can foster healthier relationships that are grounded in reality rather than illusion.
Love should be about mutual growth and acceptance, navigating life’s challenges together, and continually choosing each other, every day.
