People who have almost zero communication with their siblings usually had these 7 childhood experiences

It’s one of those things you might not even think about until you’re in the thick of it:

You have a sibling, or maybe more than one, and you’ve always shared a bond. You grew up together, shared the same home, probably fought over the same toys, but now, there’s nothing.

You’ve tried reaching out or maybe they did, but it’s like trying to start a fire with damp wood.

At times, it’s not even about animosity or any sort of conflict.

You simply realize one day that your conversations have dwindled down to perfunctory birthday wishes or holiday greetings.

Here’s how to understand why you have little to no communication with your sibling(s) as an adult by looking back at these seven childhood experiences that usually play a major role.

1) Family dynamics were strained

It’s one of the most common patterns that emerge, and it’s not hard to see why:

Your family environment was tense or conflict-ridden while growing up.

True, no family is picture-perfect, and every household has its share of disagreements and squabbles.

But when your childhood was marked by constant strife or unhealthy competition, it’s a whole different ball game.

It’s like trying to build a sandcastle near the crashing waves. Hard, isn’t it?

That’s how it feels trying to nurture sibling relationships amidst turbulent family dynamics.

You may have learned to retreat into your shell as a defense mechanism or maybe you were pitted against each other in a battlefield you never asked for.

But one thing is for sure – this experience has left an indelible mark on your relationship with your sibling(s), often resulting in little to no communication in adulthood.

2) Lack of shared experiences

Here’s another thing to consider:

You and your sibling(s) simply didn’t share many experiences growing up. Maybe you were part of a large family, or there was a significant age gap, or different interests led you down separate paths.

I remember my own childhood. My brother was seven years older than me, and it felt like we were living in two different worlds. He was into sports and outdoor adventures while I found solace in books and art.

Our divergent interests coupled with the age difference meant we rarely interacted, let alone shared experiences. We were like two ships passing in the night.

In retrospect, the absence of shared childhood memories or bonding moments created a chasm that only grew wider with time.

It wasn’t intentional, but it happened – and its echoes can still be heard in our adult relationship where communication is sparse at best.

3) Absence of emotional expression

It reminds me of a quote by the renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir, who once said:

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible.”

But what if your childhood home was far from this ideal?

You and your sibling(s) grew up in an environment where emotional expression was discouraged or outright dismissed. “Boys don’t cry,” or “Big girls don’t whine” were perhaps the standard responses to any display of emotion.

In my case, tears were seen as a sign of weakness and sharing feelings were viewed as unnecessary drama. So, we learned to bottle everything up.

Over time, this lack of emotional expression can create a void. It’s like trying to maintain a garden without water – it simply can’t thrive.

And that’s precisely what happens to sibling relationships when emotions are suppressed and communication is stifled – they struggle to flourish into meaningful bonds in adulthood.

4) Different parenting styles were applied

Let’s talk about something that many people might not even be aware of:

Parenting styles can drastically impact sibling relationships. Research shows that differential treatment by parents often leads to strained sibling relationships.

Think about it. You and your sibling(s) may have been subjected to different parenting styles. Maybe one was the golden child while the other was the scapegoat or vice versa.

In my family, my sister always seemed to be the favorite, consistently praised and rewarded, while I often felt overlooked or criticized. It wasn’t a competition, but it sure felt like one.

This kind of unequal treatment can breed resentment and drive a wedge between siblings, often resulting in decreased communication as they move into adulthood. It’s not a recipe for closeness, is it?

5) Sibling rivalry was left unchecked

Here’s something you might be familiar with:

Sibling rivalry. It’s almost a given in most households. A bit of competition can be healthy, but when it goes unchecked or is constantly fueled, it can morph into something far more damaging.

In my family, sibling rivalry was not only tolerated but subtly encouraged. It was as if proving who was better became our daily mission. The dinner table often turned into a battlefield, with achievements flaunted and failures ridiculed.

This constant one-upmanship didn’t leave much room for camaraderie or shared joy. Instead, it fostered resentment and distance.

As adults, it’s no surprise that the communication is next to none. The rivalry that was meant to motivate us only ended up driving us apart.

6) Communication skills weren’t nurtured

Let’s get down to the brass tacks:

Effective communication skills are seldom innate. They need to be nurtured and honed, especially during our formative years.

But what if your family didn’t prioritize open and honest communication? What if disagreements were settled with silence or screaming matches instead of constructive dialogue?

Growing up, my family rarely had heart-to-heart talks. We didn’t discuss our feelings or thoughts openly. Conversations were mostly transactional – about chores, school, or meals. There was no room for deep, meaningful exchanges.

When communication isn’t fostered in childhood, it’s like trying to navigate a maze in the dark. Navigating adult relationships becomes a challenge, let alone maintaining a strong bond with your sibling(s).

It’s no wonder that siblings who didn’t learn to communicate effectively often find themselves drifting apart as they grow older.

7) A lack of mutual respect was established

Here’s the crux of the matter:

Respect is the bedrock of any relationship, and it’s no different with siblings. It’s about recognizing each other’s individuality, valuing their feelings, and acknowledging their perspectives.

But what if this mutual respect was missing in your childhood interactions with your sibling(s)?

In my case, our differences were not celebrated; they were a source of contention. My brother, always the athletic one, belittled my love for books. I, in turn, dismissed his sports achievements as trivial. There was no respect for each other’s interests or accomplishments.

This lack of respect sowed the seeds of discord which only grew with time. As adults, our communication dwindled to virtually nothing.

When respect is missing from sibling relationships during childhood, it can lead to a breakdown in communication in later years – it’s a sad but all too common reality.

8) There was a lack of collective identity

Here’s something that might strike a chord:

A sense of collective identity, a feeling of ‘us’ versus ‘them’, can foster deep bonds between siblings. It’s about shared secrets, common adversaries, and united fronts.

But what if this was missing in your childhood relationship with your sibling(s)?

Reflecting on my own childhood, my brother and I led parallel lives. We didn’t have that ‘us against the world’ bond. We didn’t share secrets or stand up for each other. We were siblings by blood but strangers by choice.

This lack of collective identity can leave siblings feeling disconnected, and this disconnection often stretches into adulthood, manifesting as sparse communication or complete silence.

Without a solid foundation of shared experiences and mutual trust, it becomes an uphill battle to build strong sibling bonds in adulthood. And that’s possibly the hardest truth to swallow.

Final reflections

It’s important to remember that the past doesn’t have to dictate the future.

Change and growth are always possible, even in the most strained relationships. Self-awareness is the first step towards healing and rebuilding connections.

Begin by acknowledging and understanding your past. Reflect on how these experiences may have shaped your current relationship with your sibling(s). 

Then, make a conscious effort to improve communication. It could be as simple as reaching out for a casual chat, or as significant as expressing your desire to mend bridges.

Remember, it’s not about making huge strides all at once. Even small steps count.

And if you need guidance or support during this journey, professional help like psychotherapy can be incredibly beneficial.

At the end of the day, remember that relationships are complex and unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What matters most is finding what works best for you and your sibling(s).

So take a moment to reflect, to understand, and most importantly – to initiate change. You may be surprised by how much can shift when you start the conversation.