People who grew up with very little affection usually display these 8 behaviors later in life, according to psychology

Ever wondered how a lack of affection during childhood shapes who we become as adults?

According to psychology, those who grew up without much love and care often develop certain behaviors that reveal just how deeply our early experiences impact us.

Here are 8 behaviors commonly seen in people who missed out on affection as kids.

1) Emotional independence

We’re all familiar with the “lone wolf” archetype, right?

According to psychological studies, this trait could be a consequence of growing up with very little affection. These people often learn to rely on themselves emotionally at a very young age.

It’s not just about being a strong independent person, though.

When you’ve had to navigate your emotions without much guidance or support, you tend to develop an emotional resilience that can seem almost impenetrable to others.

2) Difficulty with trust and intimacy

Now, let’s get personal.

I recall a friend of mine who had a tough upbringing. Growing up, he didn’t receive much affection from his parents.

Fast forward to adulthood, and it was clear how this affected his relationships. He had a hard time trusting people and often struggled to open up emotionally. Intimacy, for him, was like trying to navigate a treacherous terrain without a map.

He wasn’t being difficult on purpose; he just hadn’t learned how to trust and be vulnerable because those behaviors hadn’t been modeled for him in his childhood.

This is a common behavior in people who grew up with little affection. They might build walls around themselves as a protection mechanism, making it hard for them to trust and form intimate bonds with others.

3) Overcompensation through selflessness

Here’s a curious behavior that psychologists often see in people who didn’t receive much affection growing up: they tend to be extraordinarily selfless.

One might think this is a positive trait, and in many ways, it is. However, the motivation behind this selflessness can sometimes stem from an unhealthy place.

They often go out of their way to make others feel loved and valued, hoping to give what they never received. They might also fear rejection and believe that by being excessively giving, they can ensure people will stick around.

Research has shown that individuals who experienced low levels of love and care during childhood are more likely to engage in altruistic behaviors, even at the cost of their own wellbeing.

4) Strong desire for control

Have you ever noticed that some people seem to have an insatiable need for control?

This might be more than a personality quirk. It could be a behavior shaped by a childhood lacking in affection.

People who didn’t receive much love as children often felt powerless in their formative years. As adults, they try to regain a sense of control by micromanaging their environment and relationships.

This need for control can manifest in various ways, from being overly organized to having stringent routines and expectations in relationships.

While it provides them with a sense of security, it can often be exhausting for others around them.

5) Craving validation

Imagine constantly feeling like you’re on a quest for approval, always seeking a nod of acknowledgement or a word of praise.

For those who grew up with little affection, this craving for validation can be a constant companion. They often feel unsure of their worth because they didn’t receive those vital affirmations during their early years.

They might put in extra hours at work, go overboard trying to please their partners, or even seek out unhealthy relationships just to hear someone say they are good enough.

It’s like they’re always trying to fill an emotional void, one that should have been filled with parental love and affection.

It’s a journey that can be heartbreaking, and yet it’s one that offers hope for healing and self-acceptance.

6) Fear of rejection

I remember a time in my life when I was terrified of rejection. It felt like a crushing weight, always lurking in the background of my interactions. I’d avoid situations where there was even a possibility of being rejected.

I later realized that this fear was rooted in my childhood. My parents, while they did their best, were often emotionally unavailable. This created a fear in me that if I wasn’t perfect, I wouldn’t be loved.

This fear of rejection is common among people who grew up with little affection. They might avoid risk-taking or shy away from expressing their feelings, all to avoid the possibility of being rejected.

It’s a lonely place to be, but understanding this behavior can be the first step towards overcoming it.

7) Emotional suppression

Picture someone who always seems calm and composed, never letting their emotions bubble to the surface.

This emotional suppression is another behavior often seen in people who grew up with very little affection.

They might have learned early on that expressing emotions led to negative consequences or simply didn’t elicit any response.

As adults, they continue this pattern, keeping their emotions under tight control. They may appear stoic or indifferent, but beneath that calm exterior, there could be a whirlwind of suppressed feelings.

While this can help them navigate stressful situations, it can also lead to difficulty in expressing their needs and desires in relationships. It’s a balancing act that they struggle with daily.

8) Difficulty recognizing and expressing love

One of the most profound impacts of growing up with little affection is the difficulty in recognizing and expressing love.

Those who didn’t receive much affection in their formative years might struggle to understand what love looks like.

They may find it hard to express love to others because they didn’t have many examples of it during their early years.

This can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in their personal relationships. They may deeply care for someone but lack the tools to show it, causing confusion and hurt feelings.

Understanding this behavior is the first step towards nurturing healthier relationships.

Final thoughts: A journey of understanding

Psychologist John Bowlby once said, “What cannot be communicated to the [mother] cannot be communicated to the self.” This statement reflects the vital role of affection in shaping our self-understanding and communication abilities.

Let’s carry this understanding with us as we interact with the world around us. After all, compassion is a language that transcends all barriers.