People who grew up with little affection tend to develop these 9 traits later in life

When we’re young, the way we’re treated shapes how we see the world—and ourselves.

If we grow up with love and affection, we tend to feel safe, valued, and confident. But if we don’t get much warmth or emotional support, it can leave a lasting impact.

As the founder of Hack Spirit and someone deeply interested in mindfulness and self-awareness, I’ve seen how childhood experiences influence who we become. And people who grew up with little affection often develop certain traits as a result.

Some of these traits can be challenging, while others can actually become strengths. In this article, I’ll walk you through nine common traits that tend to emerge in adulthood when affection was scarce in childhood.

1) They struggle with trust

Trust is something we learn early in life. When caregivers are consistently loving and supportive, we develop a sense of security. But when affection is scarce, trust doesn’t come so easily.

People who grew up with little affection often find it hard to trust others—whether in friendships, relationships, or even at work. They may always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, assuming that people will eventually let them down.

This can lead to keeping others at a distance, even when they crave connection. It’s not that they don’t want close relationships—it’s just that trusting someone fully might feel like a risk they’re not sure they can take.

2) They struggle to express their emotions

Growing up without much affection often means you don’t learn how to express emotions in a healthy way. Instead of sharing feelings openly, you might bottle them up or brush them aside.

I know this firsthand. For years, I struggled to talk about my emotions. Whenever I felt hurt or upset, my instinct was to keep it to myself rather than open up to someone else. It wasn’t that I didn’t want support—I just didn’t know how to ask for it.

It took me a long time to realize that expressing emotions isn’t a sign of weakness. In fact, it’s one of the most important ways we connect with others. But when you grow up in an environment where affection is rare, showing vulnerability can feel unnatural, even risky.

3) They become highly independent

When affection is scarce in childhood, people often learn to rely on themselves from an early age. Instead of turning to others for support, they develop a strong sense of independence—sometimes to the point of refusing help even when they need it.

Research shows that children who don’t receive consistent emotional support often develop self-sufficiency as a coping mechanism. They learn that depending on others can lead to disappointment, so they push themselves to handle everything alone.

While independence can be a strength, it can also make life harder. Struggling to ask for help or let others in can lead to unnecessary stress and isolation, even when support is available.

4) They seek inner peace through mindfulness

Many people who grew up with little affection find themselves drawn to mindfulness and self-reflection later in life. Without a strong emotional foundation in childhood, they often turn inward, searching for peace and stability within themselves.

Buddhism teaches that true contentment comes from within, not from external validation. This is why so many people who have faced emotional neglect find comfort in practices like meditation and self-awareness.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego I explore how Buddhist principles can help us break free from past conditioning and find strength in the present moment. Learning to let go of attachment to old wounds is one of the most powerful steps toward healing.

By embracing mindfulness, people who lacked affection growing up can learn to nurture themselves in ways they may not have experienced as children. Over time, this practice can help rebuild a sense of inner security and emotional balance.

5) They overanalyze everything

When affection is inconsistent or absent in childhood, you learn to pay close attention to the smallest details—how someone speaks, their body language, even the slight shifts in their mood. It becomes second nature to read between the lines and search for hidden meanings in everything.

A simple “I’m fine” from someone doesn’t always feel like the full truth. A delayed text response can spark a spiral of overthinking. Did I say something wrong? Did I upset them? Are they pulling away?

This habit of overanalyzing is a survival mechanism. When love and warmth weren’t guaranteed, figuring out unspoken signs became a way to navigate relationships safely. The problem is, it’s exhausting. Constantly second-guessing people’s intentions can create unnecessary stress and make it hard to just relax and trust the moment as it is.

6) They can be overly generous

It might seem surprising, but people who grew up with little affection often become some of the most giving and selfless individuals. When you’ve spent your early years feeling emotionally neglected, you sometimes overcompensate by making sure no one else feels the same way.

This can show up in different ways—always being the one to listen, going out of your way to help others, or putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Giving feels good because it creates the connection that was missing in childhood.

But there’s a downside. Over-giving can sometimes come from a place of seeking validation—hoping that if you do enough for others, they’ll finally give back the love and care you never received. Learning to give without draining yourself is an important step toward healthier relationships.

7) They feel uncomfortable with praise

You’d think that anyone would enjoy a compliment or recognition for their hard work, but for those who grew up with little affection, praise can feel unfamiliar—sometimes even unsettling.

When love and encouragement weren’t freely given in childhood, it can be hard to know how to receive them later in life. A simple “You did a great job” might trigger doubt instead of confidence. *Do they really mean that? Are they just being polite?*

Instead of embracing praise, they may downplay their achievements or redirect the attention elsewhere. It’s not that they don’t appreciate kind words—it’s just that deep down, part of them still struggles to believe they’re truly deserving of them.

8) They struggle to set boundaries

When you grow up without much affection, it’s easy to fall into the habit of putting other people’s needs ahead of your own. Saying “no” can feel uncomfortable—almost like a risk. What if setting a boundary pushes people away?

For a long time, I found it hard to stand up for myself in certain situations. I’d agree to things I didn’t really want to do just to avoid disappointing others. It took me a while to understand that setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.

People who lacked warmth in childhood often become overly accommodating in adulthood, fearing that asserting themselves will lead to rejection. But learning to say “no” and protect your own energy is one of the most powerful forms of self-care.

9) They crave deep, meaningful connections

At the core of it all, people who grew up with little affection want what everyone wants—to feel seen, valued, and understood. But surface-level relationships don’t always feel fulfilling to them. They long for something deeper, something real.

They’re the ones who ask thoughtful questions, who truly listen, who remember the little details that matter. They may have struggled with trust, boundaries, or vulnerability, but when they do connect with someone, they give it their all.

Because when you’ve spent years feeling emotionally disconnected, nothing matters more than finally finding a connection that feels safe, genuine, and lasting.

Bottom line: healing is possible

The way we’re raised leaves lasting imprints, shaping how we see ourselves and interact with the world. Growing up with little affection can create challenges—trust issues, overthinking, difficulty expressing emotions—but it can also lead to resilience, self-awareness, and a deep appreciation for meaningful connections.

Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means understanding how it has shaped you and learning how to move forward in a way that serves you. Many people find comfort in mindfulness and self-reflection, discovering that they can give themselves the care and kindness they once lacked.

In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how Buddhist principles can help break free from old emotional patterns and cultivate a sense of inner peace. When we let go of attachment to past wounds, we make space for growth, connection, and self-acceptance.

Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to define you. The ability to heal, to build trust, to embrace love—it’s all within reach.