In our world, self-perception is often deceptive. Our behaviors, however, are the true indicators.
This seems to hold true in our society. We are surrounded by masks and facades; thus, it is more sensible to judge individuals based on their behaviors rather than their self-perception or how they present themselves.
Let’s delve deeper.
What matters even more than your behaviors are the patterns that these behaviors form. This suggests that self-perception does matter, but only insofar as it influences your behavior in ways that impact your relationships and interactions with others.
1) They constantly seek approval
Take a moment and observe the people around you. You’ll notice that those who feel unworthy of love are always in search of approval. Their behavioral patterns are deeply rooted in the need for validation.
While reading this, you might even identify similar patterns in your own behavior.
If you’re going to break free from this pattern, it’s crucial to understand that you’re not in control of other people’s opinions. You’re operating based on your perception of their expectations.
It’s crucial to let go of the illusion of control that comes from believing you can manipulate how others perceive you. You can’t. Your actions should be a reflection of your authentic self, and they are most powerful when they happen without the need for external validation. When you act instinctively.
If you can stop relying on others’ approval and start creating conditions in your life that reflect your self-worth, your innate value will become apparent from what happens in your life. You won’t need to try so hard.
2) They sabotage their own happiness
This peculiar trait often emerges from my conversations with individuals who don’t feel worthy of love. It’s a behavior that, in many ways, contradicts itself.
Guidance on how to achieve happiness usually suggests “pursuing your passion” or “surrounding yourself with positive people”. While these are commonly advocated, they don’t address the root cause for those who feel unlovable.
Instead, the real progress comes from becoming a “spectator” of your own behavior. It comes from observing your self-sabotaging patterns. As this psychological expert suggests:
“Observe your behavior. Don’t interfere—no justification, no denial—just observe whatever you are doing. Don’t judge it, don’t criticize it; don’t do anything at all on your part. You just be a spectator, and the miracle of observing is self-awareness. As you observe, slowly your behavior becomes less dominated by self-sabotage; but you are not becoming passive, you are becoming more alert, more aware.”
When you try to “be happy” all the time, you give too much power to external circumstances.
3) They avoid genuine connections
This might seem counterintuitive at first glance.
“Becoming more social” is often the advice given to those who feel distant or disconnected. But the truth lies in the depth of these social interactions, not the quantity.
Let’s dissect this.
Reflect on your relationships right now. Some of them might have grown organically over time. Some bonds might have been instant. While reading this, you might recall a few relationships that started with a shared smile or a random conversation.
If you’re going to navigate human relationships successfully, it’s essential to understand that you’re not in control of how others perceive you. You’re operating based on your authenticity.
It’s important to shatter the illusion of control that comes from believing your persona dictates your connections. It doesn’t. Your authenticity does, and it’s most impactful when it shines through without effort.
4) They often downplay their achievements
As I continued to explore this topic, an interesting pattern emerged.
The way we perceive our achievements is also reflective of how we perceive ourselves.
For those who feel unworthy of love, they tend to undermine their own accomplishments. They become obsessed with the notion of not being ‘good enough’.
Their intentions might be noble. They might believe that by staying humble, they’re being grounded and not boasting.
But when they get so caught up in underplaying their achievements, they can slip into the habit of thinking their efforts are never sufficient. They can lose touch with self-appreciation. They become hard on themselves and probably not such a pleasant person to be around.
If they judged themselves for their intentions, they wouldn’t question this behavior.
Instead, because they don’t focus on their intentions, they are more likely to reflect on their actions and change how they behave. They can learn to acknowledge and celebrate their victories, big or small.
How you perceive your achievements is what matters, not the intentions that drive your behavior.
5) They struggle to accept compliments
This is an observation I can personally attest to.
In my younger years, I had a hard time accepting compliments. “You look nice today” or “You did a great job on that project” often made me uncomfortable. Instead of simply saying thank you, I would downplay the compliment or even refute it.
Looking back, I realize this behavior stemmed from feeling unworthy of praise. Deep down, I believed that I didn’t deserve the compliment or that the person giving it was just being polite.
As I began to work on my self-esteem and self-worth, I realized the importance of accepting compliments graciously.
After all, a compliment is a gift given by someone who has noticed something positive about you. By rejecting it, you’re not only disrespecting their opinion but also reinforcing negative beliefs about yourself.
6) They are their own worst critics
In the realm of psychology, it’s widely recognized that individuals who feel unworthy of love often exhibit a high degree of self-criticism. They view themselves through a harsh lens, always magnifying their flaws and downplaying their strengths.
Here’s the key point:
This behavior stems from a skewed perception of self-worth, where one’s value is tied to an unattainable standard of perfection. This relentless self-criticism not only reinforces feelings of unworthiness but also prevents them from recognizing and appreciating their positive attributes.
For those struggling with feelings of unworthiness, learning to silence the inner critic can bring about a transformative shift in self-perception. It’s a reminder that we are all human, prone to mistakes, and continually evolving.
7) They push love away
It may seem perplexing, but those who feel unlovable often push love away when it presents itself. They may have longed for affection, but when they are on the receiving end, they instinctively recoil.
The reasoning behind this behavior lies in their fear of vulnerability. Opening up to love means exposing oneself to potential rejection or hurt. Therefore, it feels safer to push love away than to risk the pain.
However, this behavior only perpetuates the feeling of unworthiness. By pushing love away, they inadvertently confirm their belief of being unlovable.
To break this cycle, it’s necessary to confront this fear and open oneself up to the possibility of love. It involves taking risks and allowing oneself to be vulnerable.
It’s a journey that can be tough and scary, but ultimately, it’s a path that leads to self-realization and acceptance of love in its truest form.
Bottom line: It could be rooted in upbringing
The complexities of human behavior and self-perception often have deep-seated links to our childhood experiences and upbringing.
One such connection is the relationship between individuals who feel unworthy of love and their early experiences of affection and validation.
These experiences, woven into the fabric of our childhood, play a significant role in shaping our self-worth and understanding of love.
For those who feel unworthy of love, their upbringing might have lacked consistent validation or affection. This absence could potentially foster a sense of unworthiness that permeates their adult relationships.
Whether it’s persistently seeking approval, downplaying their achievements, or pushing love away, the underlying childhood experiences might be influencing their behavior.
Recognizing these behaviors is the first step on a journey toward self-awareness and self-improvement.
It’s a journey that requires courage and introspection but leads to a profound realization of self-worth and acceptance of love. It’s a journey that holds the promise of transforming lives, one realization at a time.