Adrian Volenik
It’s hard to pinpoint satisfaction with life. For some, it’s starting a family. For others, it’s having plenty of time for their hobbies, and so on.
For me personally, it’s spending time with my wife and kid, going to the beach, and eating nice food and drinks. I’m a simple man, I know.
But if you haven’t really thought about what makes you happy and fulfilled, you could be feeling unsatisfied without realizing why.
If you think that’s true for you or someone you know, here are the subtle behaviors you need to look out for.
1) Using self-deprecating language or doubting their abilities
Those dissatisfied with life and with themselves often have negative self-talk, berating themselves internally but sometimes also to others.
This damaging dialogue reinforces a pessimistic mindset, curbing self-esteem and perpetuating dissatisfaction.
I think their problem is that they know there’s an issue, but they either can’t pinpoint it exactly or they don’t want to change anything about it.
2) Sticking to comfort zones instead of embracing change
Talking about not wanting to change things, staying within your comfort zone, while seemingly safe, simply stops your personal growth.
People who resist change miss out on opportunities for self-discovery and improvement, reinforcing a sense of stagnation.
In turn, they’re unsatisfied with life, and it isn’t until they’re ready to open their mind to change and new things that they break out of this feeling.
I always say that it’s better to try and fail than not try at all and keep thinking, coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Besides, many successful people failed their way up. They tried things until one of them succeeded, and they were seen as “overnight success stories“. No one ever mentions their numerous past mistakes.
Think about that for a moment.
3) Undermining their own efforts without realizing it
These people often self-sabotage themselves by unconsciously undermining their own efforts, driven by feelings of unworthiness or fear of success.
This behavior manifests in procrastination, missed opportunities, or destructive actions.
That’s why recognizing self-sabotage requires self-awareness and a commitment to breaking destructive patterns.
By cultivating self-compassion, setting pragmatic goals, and seeking support, anyone can overcome self-sabotaging tendencies.
But to do that, you can’t blame others for your blight.
4) Holding others responsible for their dissatisfaction
Holding others responsible for personal dissatisfaction can be a defense mechanism. By externalizing the cause of unhappiness, people simply and easily avoid confronting their own role in shaping their lives.
They don’t have to ask themselves the tough questions because it’s someone else’s fault, right?
I’m not saying others aren’t responsible for at least some of our worries, like not being able to get affordable housing, sky-high college tuition, and lack of affordable healthcare.
But, it’s also true you can’t do much about these issues. You can, however, improve yourself and at least get a better starting position for your kids if you think you’re too far gone.
I wouldn’t look past moving to other countries if that’s what’s needed. I’ve done it myself twice already. I’m also not dismissing the possibility of having to do it again.
It makes for a more exciting life anyway.
5) Constantly measuring their success against others
Okay, another thing that pushes people’s satisfaction way down is constantly measuring their success against others. This results in a perpetual feeling of inadequacy.
It’s because this unhealthy comparison often fails to consider the individual circumstances and achievements of others.
What I mean about that is you only see the glitz and the glamour. You don’t really see what was needed to get to it and how these people feel inside.
If you think rich and successful people don’t have any issues, you’re gravely mistaken. In fact, I’d argue that if you found out what’s behind the scenes of their lives, you wouldn’t want to change places with them in a million years.
6) Always looking for the next big thing but never finding contentment
If there’s another thing social media has taught us, it’s that you should always be looking for the next big and shiny thing.
People who are perpetually in search of the next exciting opportunity, believing that external circumstances will bring lasting happiness, are flat-out wrong.
This behavior results in an endless cycle of dissatisfaction, as contentment and life satisfaction stay elusive.
Finding fulfillment means you need to finally recognize the value of the present moment, appreciate achievements, and understand that genuine contentment comes from within and not from external achievements or purchases.
7) Feeling stuck
Many people have a pervasive feeling of being stuck. This is often a result of a lack of progress or growth.
Whether in personal relationships or professional pursuits, this sensation certainly amplifies dissatisfaction and a thirst for change.
For too many years, I just couldn’t get a fulfilling job. It was tearing my life satisfaction to shreds. I lost all confidence and even self-esteem because I tied my self-worth to these crappy jobs.
That’s why feeling stuck can be pretty frustrating. You’re in this place where everything feels stagnant, and you’re not sure how to move forward.
If you’re dealing with this, first, take a moment to think about why you’re feeling this way. What’s bothering you?
Pick up a hobby, join a club, or just do something different. Sometimes, a change in routine can shake things up.
Sometimes, just taking a step, any step, can make a big difference.
8) Idealizing the past instead of embracing the present
Those obsessed with nostalgia idealize the past, viewing it through rose-tinted glasses.
They fell into the classic “good old days” trap, right? It’s totally normal to look back on the past with a bit of nostalgia. Still, when it starts overshadowing the present, that’s where things get problematic.
Idealizing the past often happens when we remember the highlights and forget the challenges and uncertainties that came with it.
Like looking back at high school as the “best years of my life” because of the fun times with friends but conveniently forgetting the stress of exams, awkward social stuff, and the pressure of figuring out the future.
Or reflecting on a past job as the dream job, remembering the great team and successful projects, but forgetting the long hours, office politics, and the reasons why you eventually left.
You need to remember that life is a mix of highs and lows, and embracing the present means accepting and appreciating both.
It also means stopping this following practice.
9) Keeping excessively busy to avoid facing underlying issues
Overbusyness is a typical strategy for avoiding deeper introspection. Constantly filling your schedule with tasks and commitments is an “excellent” distraction from core dissatisfaction.
Feeling uneasy during moments of idleness or relaxation also leads to the compulsion to fill any available time with tasks or distractions.
Constantly on the go, rushing from one place to another, without taking the time to appreciate the present moment. For some people, life is like a perpetual sprint without a finish line.
Above all, breaking free from feverish work means carving out time for self-reflection, prioritizing self-care, and addressing the root causes of avoidance.
Balancing productivity with rest and reflection is also essential for overall well-being.
Don’t make this mistake and expect life to be perfect
Unrealistic expectations are responsible for setting impossibly high standards for yourself or others.
What this results in is constant dissatisfaction and disappointment.
If you don’t embrace the imperfections of life, set realistic goals, and practice self-compassion, you’ll never break free from being unsatisfied in life.
Ultimately, accepting that life is naturally imperfect will lead you to a more balanced and fulfilling perspective.
