People who “feel lonely but don’t show it” can relate to these 10 experiences

You know, we often find ourselves feeling alone, even when we’re surrounded by a sea of people. The kicker? We’re pros at covering it up.

Can you believe that hiding this feeling is something so many of us share?

Let’s explore 10 experiences that you’ll totally get if you’re one of those who feels lonely but doesn’t show it.

You might just realize you’re not as alone as you think!

1. Pretending to Be Busy with Your Phone

Picture this.

You’re at a social gathering or just hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone’s chatting, laughing, and having a good time.

But you?

You’re feeling out of place and disconnected.

Here’s what I do – I pull out my phone. Yep, that’s my go-to move. I scroll through social media feeds, reply to old messages or even pretend to take a call – anything to look occupied and avoid the awkwardness of feeling alone in a crowd.

And you know what?

It works. Nobody notices that I’m not really partaking in the conversation or the fun. They assume I’m just caught up with something important on my phone. Little do they know, it’s my escape.

2. Enjoying Your Own Company a Little Too Much

Now, this might sound a bit strange. Aren’t people who feel lonely supposed to crave company? Well, not always.

There are times when I find myself feeling incredibly lonely but at the same time, I also tend to enjoy my own company. It’s a peculiar paradox, I know.

I dive into books, binge-watch series on Netflix, or simply lose myself in daydreaming. I find solace in these solitary activities, they’re like a safe haven for me.

But here’s the catch – while these moments of solitude are enjoyable, they can also fuel my feelings of loneliness when it’s time to step back into the real world. And yet, I don’t quit them. Strange, isn’t it?

3. Feeling Drained after Social Interactions

Here’s something you might find familiar. You finally pluck up the courage to go out, meet people, and socialize. You laugh, chat, and seem to have a great time. But once it’s over, you feel utterly drained, as if you’ve just run a marathon.

This is something I experience all too often. Social interactions, while necessary and even enjoyable at times, can be incredibly exhausting for me. It’s like I’m playing a part, acting out a role of the person who’s always upbeat and cheerful.

Once the curtain drops and I’m back in my own space, the loneliness creeps back in. The laughter and conversations from the social event seem distant, almost like they belonged to a different person.

If you too feel like you’ve been on an emotional roller-coaster ride after every social gathering, then guess what? We’re on the same boat.

4. The Late-Night Overthinker

Now, here’s something interesting. Did you know that our brains are more active at night? That’s why so many of us find ourselves wide awake at 2 a.m., lost in a sea of thoughts, while the rest of the world is fast asleep.

I’ve spent countless nights like this, my mind buzzing with thoughts and questions. “Why do I feel so alone?” “Why can’t I connect with people the way others do?” “Am I the only one who feels this way?”

These late-night reflections, while they can lead to some profound realizations, often end up reinforcing my feelings of loneliness. The quiet of the night, instead of bringing peace, seems to echo my inner solitude.

If you too find yourself being an unwilling member of the ‘late-night overthink club’, then this experience will strike a chord with you.

5. The Fear of Being “Too Much”

I’ll be honest here, this is a tough one to admit. But sometimes, I hold back. I hold back my thoughts, my feelings, my worries because I’m scared. Scared of being too intense, too emotional or just too much for people to handle.

I’ve often found myself editing my words, downplaying my feelings or even completely changing the subject. All because I don’t want to burden others with my loneliness. I worry that they won’t understand or worse, they’ll distance themselves from me.

So, I keep my feelings hidden, locked away behind a smile and a “I’m fine.” And that fear, that fear of being “too much,” only amplifies my loneliness.

If you’ve ever felt this way, then know this – you’re not alone in your fear, and you’re definitely not “too much.”

6. The Hidden Tears

You know those moments when you’re sitting alone in your room, and all of a sudden you’re overwhelmed with this immense feeling of loneliness? That’s when the tears start to flow.

I’ve had moments like these, more than I’d like to admit. I could be doing something as mundane as folding laundry or watching a movie, and out of nowhere, I’d find myself tearing up.

The feeling of loneliness hits hard, and the tears, they just seem to have a mind of their own. But as soon as someone walks in or calls, I quickly wipe them away and put on my ‘everything’s okay’ face. It’s become a coping mechanism, a way to hide my loneliness from the world.

If you’ve ever experienced this sudden onslaught of tears when you’re all by yourself, then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

7. The “I’m Fine” Lie

How often have you said “I’m fine” when you’re anything but? If you’re like me, then the answer is probably “more times than I can count.”

It’s become such an automatic response. Someone asks, “how are you?” and even if I’m feeling my loneliest, my answer is always a quick and easy “I’m fine.” It’s like a mask I put on, a way to hide my loneliness from others.

The truth? It’s easier to say “I’m fine” than to explain why you’re feeling lonely, especially when you don’t fully understand it yourself.

If you too find yourself saying “I’m fine” on autopilot, even when your heart is heavy with loneliness, then you know just what I mean.

8. The Craving for Deep Connections

Did you know that humans are wired for connection? It’s true! We thrive on deep, meaningful interactions and relationships. But for some of us, those connections seem hard to find.

I’ve often found myself in a room full of people, engaged in small talk, yet feeling utterly alone. It’s not the company I lack, it’s the depth of connection. I yearn for conversations that go beyond the surface level, ones where I can truly be myself without any fear of judgement.

These moments of yearning can be incredibly isolating, making the feeling of loneliness even more profound.

If you too crave deeper connections and find small talk unfulfilling, then this is an experience you’re all too familiar with.

9. The Fear of Rejection

Now, this is a biggie. At least for me, it is. The fear of rejection has been a constant companion in my journey of loneliness. It’s like a nagging voice in my head telling me, “Don’t open up, they won’t understand,” or “Don’t invite them, they might say no.”

And so, I don’t. I hold back, I hesitate, and I miss out on potential connections. This fear has sometimes kept me trapped within the confines of my loneliness.

More than once, I’ve found myself staring at my phone, wanting to reach out to someone, only to be held back by the fear of being misunderstood or rejected.

If you’ve ever felt this fear holding you back too, then we’re in the same boat.

10. The Guilt Trips

Here’s an admission – I often feel guilty about feeling lonely. It’s a strange feeling, like I’m doing something wrong by feeling this way. I mean, I have people around me who care, so why do I still feel so alone?

This guilt often adds to the loneliness. It’s like a vicious cycle – I feel lonely, then guilty for feeling lonely, and that makes me even more lonely.

If you too know what it’s like to ride this emotional merry-go-round, then you understand how draining it can be.

A special message for people who feel lonely

Now, let’s cut to the chase – what can we do about it?

First off, recognize that it’s okay to feel this way. Loneliness is a human emotion, and it doesn’t make you weak or flawed. It’s just a signal that we need more social connection in our lives.

Secondly, try to reach out. I know, it’s easier said than done (believe me, I’ve been there). But even a small step can make a big difference. Send that text, make that call, or just share a smile with someone.

Lastly, remember it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s from a trusted friend or a professional counselor, there’s no shame in seeking support.

Feeling lonely but not showing it can be tough, but remember – you’re not alone in this. And things can get better. One step at a time.

Last year I was reflecting on the experience of being lonely and decided to share this special message. In the video, I share a counterintuitive point about why it’s a mistake to try to socialize more when we feel lonely.

Instead, there’s something else you can do. I share what that is in the video below.

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Justin Brown

Justin Brown is an entrepreneur and thought leader in personal development and digital media, with a foundation in education from The London School of Economics and The Australian National University. As the co-founder of Ideapod, The Vessel, and a director at Brown Brothers Media, Justin has spearheaded platforms that significantly contribute to personal and collective growth. His deep insights are shared on his YouTube channel, JustinBrownVids, offering a rich blend of guidance on living a meaningful and purposeful life.

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