People who enjoy solitude without feeling lonely usually have these 8 special traits

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There’s a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

A lot of it comes down to mindset.

Because whilst some people hate flying solo, others genuinely relish it.

So what makes some people enjoy solitude whilst others loathe it?

The secret is that they have some special traits.

Let’s take a look at them.

1) They’re good at entertaining themselves

One of the most basic reasons some people don’t like to hang out by themselves is boredom.

They like others around them to keep them interested.

There’s no denying that company can be very entertaining. But people who like being on their own are usually good at creating their own entertainment.

They’re good at going inward and finding their own sources of stimulation.

That can be getting lost in the delights of a good book, or it may be as simple as getting lost in their own thoughts.

It doesn’t mean that you are anti-social, you are simply good at making your own entertainment and staying occupied.

That’s probably thanks to a special mix of curiosity and creativity.

Solitude allows them to explore their interests and learn new things without distractions.  It also gives them the space to tap into their creative side and think outside the box.

2) They know themselves well enough to understand what they need

That may sound a little cryptic at first. But we’re talking about a special combination of self-awareness and introspection.

People who can embrace solitude often have cultivated a deep understanding of themselves and their emotions.

This allows them the strength to stay emotionally independent.

That’s not to say they don’t make deep connections, but they don’t rely on others for their emotional stability.

As it comes from within, they don’t feel lost, sad, or scared at being on their own.

Being alone also helps them to get to know themselves even more as they can devote time to reflecting on their thoughts and feelings, gaining valuable insights along the way.

3) They accept themselves

I don’t think that healthy self-esteem is about thinking you’re amazing 24-7.

That kind of self-love sounds nice in theory, but in reality, we all have down days.

There’s no such thing as totally unshakable confidence. It’s human to have some flaws and some doubts.

A more realistic goal to strive for when it comes to our self-worth is true acceptance.

When we can make peace with everything we are — the good bits and the less desirable parts — it’s easier to like yourself.

People who can happily spend lots of time in solitude are content because they feel like they’re in good company.

In a strange sort of way, they don’t feel lonely because they are spending time with someone they really like — themselves!

4) They are mentally tough

Some people may just win the genetic lottery and be born with this internal strength.

According to research the heritability estimate for overall personality and mental toughness is around 50%.

But that means a great deal is also a learned behavior.

Mentally tough people have a collection of special traits.

  • Resilience
  • Adaptability
  • Self-reliance

People who enjoy solitude without feeling lonely are self-reliant and do not depend on others for their happiness.

It’s good to lean on others, but when we can also rely on ourselves, we can bounce back from setbacks and challenges without the need for as much external support.

Research has highlighted that people who like spending time alone are especially unlikely to be neurotic, and more likely to be open-minded.

A lot of this is thanks to their mental strength.

5) They prefer quality over quantity

That’s because they have depth.

So you often find that those who don’t find it lonely being alone value authenticity and sincerity.

They usually struggle with polite small talk or superficial gatherings for that reason.

They don’t feel the need to have 1001 so-called “friends” that they don’t truly connect with on a more meaningful level.

They do still value deep relationships. It’s just that their emotional bonds are sustained by fewer more quality connections.

Thanks to their healthy sense of self (which we mentioned earlier) they don’t need external validation to feel good about themselves.

In short: they would rather be alone than in poor company.

Because as we’re about to see, social connection actually comes in ways and forms we may not expect.

6) They find social connection in all sorts of ways

Loneliness is far more complex than we often imagine. It’s not as simple as filling your time and maximizing your social calendar.

Many people have discovered for themselves, you can still feel deeply lonely even when you are surrounded by others.

That’s because it ultimately comes down to feeling genuinely connected to something or someone else.

According to more recent research, this sense of belongingness doesn’t need to be filled by having company.

Having a sense of social connection can be found in a wide range of solo activities:

  • Spending time with a pet
  • Eating your favorite comfort foods
  • Listening to music
  • Watching TV
  • Following people on social media

That’s not to say that relationships don’t offer us meaning and happiness. But they are far from the only source.

People who don’t experience loneliness being alone are often better at seeking out a wide nuanced spectrum of connections.

7) They’re mindful

If there is one thing I’ve learned to be true, it’s this:

The more mindful we become the more we find comfort in solitude.

That’s because we are able to be present in the moment and appreciate the beauty of our surroundings.

Cultivating mindfulness can help you to get better with alone time for this reason.

It controls the monkey mind that is always trying to pull you into thoughts about the past and the future — often with distressing consequences.

When you are present, you’re not anxiously feeling FOMO about what you may be missing out on or what everyone else is doing.

You can tap into where you are right now and know that it is enough.

That’s why those who enjoy solitude can be much better at living in the here and now.

8) They’re wired differently

So far, we’ve identified a very impressive list of traits that make some people less likely to feel lonely when they’re alone.

But on a fundamental level, for some people, they’re just hardwired that way. So it comes more naturally.

Introverts take a lot longer to process information. So a lot of socializing can be an energetic drain.

For that reason, they actively need plenty of downtime in order to feel good.

Meanwhile, extroverts may get bored or lonely quicker as they get their fix of energy from being around others.

It’s not that one is better than the other, the two are just programmed slightly differently and so have different energetic and social needs.

Introverts also have different chemical responses in the brain.

So they can get far more of a kick out of low-key stimulus than extroverts. Which is why they genuinely prefer a quiet night in with Netflix to a lively party.

We can learn to love alone time

The more you become your own best friend, your own confidant, and your own problem solver the more comfortable being alone becomes.

Of course, that doesn’t mean withdrawing ourselves from the all-important connection of other people.

As research shows, the secret is to seek solitude as a choice and not as a punishment.

When we spend quiet time alone we free ourselves up for new self-discovery and growth. Studies show it can also have a very calming effect.

It doesn’t have to come naturally, but we can all learn to appreciate being by ourselves.

It all starts with learning to appreciate yourself.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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