People who aren’t deeply invested in their relationship but won’t admit it usually display these signs

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Relationships are complex, mysterious, and sometimes a little bit painful.

You might find yourself in a partnership that doesn’t quite feel right, or perhaps you’re unsure if your current relationship is just going through a rough patch or if it’s something more.

How do you know if you’re not fully invested in your relationship, or simply facing the normal challenges that every couple encounters?

After observing my own relationships and those of my friends, I’ve compiled a list of 7 signs that could indicate you’re not as deeply invested in your relationship as you may think. If these traits resonate with you, it might be time to confront some uncomfortable truths.

1. You avoid deep conversations

We all have those days where we just want to keep things light and breezy, but if you’re consistently avoiding deep or meaningful conversations with your partner, it might be a sign you’re not as invested in the relationship as you think.

Deep conversations are the lifeblood of any strong relationship. They provide an opportunity for mutual understanding, growth, and emotional intimacy. If you find yourself actively steering away from these moments, it may indicate a lack of emotional investment.

Perhaps you’re afraid to reveal too much of yourself or fear what your partner might share. Either way, this avoidance can be a clear indication that you’re not fully committed to the relationship’s depth and potential growth.

2. You’re overly agreeable

On the surface, being agreeable might seem like a positive attribute in a relationship. After all, who doesn’t want a harmonious partnership, free of conflict?

However, being too agreeable can be a sign that you’re not entirely invested in your relationship. It might indicate that you’re avoiding conflict or uncomfortable conversations because you’re not truly emotionally invested in the outcome.

If you find yourself constantly agreeing with your partner, even when you privately disagree, it could be because you’re trying to maintain an appearance of harmony rather than investing in the hard work of authentic communication and growth. This doesn’t mean you should pick fights unnecessarily, but expressing your true feelings and opinions is a crucial part of being fully invested in a relationship.

3. You’re keeping score

In a game, keeping score is essential. In a relationship, it’s a sign that something might be off.

If you find yourself constantly tallying up who did what, who apologized first, or who made the bigger sacrifice, it could be an indication that you’re not fully invested in your relationship.

Healthy relationships aren’t about keeping score. They’re about mutual respect, understanding, and love. When you’re deeply invested in a relationship, the focus is on how you can grow together rather than on which partner is “winning.”

Keeping score often stems from an underlying sense of competition or resentment, which can indicate a lack of emotional investment. If you notice this trait in your relationship, it might be time to evaluate your true feelings towards your partner.

4. You don’t celebrate each other’s successes

Did you know that celebrating your partner’s successes is actually one of the most telling indicators of a healthy, committed relationship? It’s true.

If you find yourself feeling indifferent or even jealous when your partner accomplishes something great, it might indicate you’re not as invested in the relationship as you could be.

In a deeply invested relationship, your partner’s wins feel like your own. Their joy becomes your joy. This mutual celebration is a sign of deep emotional connection and investment. If you’re not feeling that sense of shared triumph, it might be time to take a closer look at your feelings towards the relationship.

5. You’re not making future plans together

Life is unpredictable, and no one holds a crystal ball to the future. However, in a fully invested relationship, there’s an unspoken agreement that you’re in this together, come what may.

If you find yourself avoiding making future plans with your partner or hesitating to include them in your long-term vision, it’s a sign something might be amiss. It could mean that you’re not truly picturing them in your future or that you’re holding back from fully committing yourself to the relationship.

This is not about booking a vacation six months down the line; it’s about the natural inclination to want to build and share a life together. If that inclination isn’t there, it might be time to face some hard truths about your feelings towards your partner and your relationship.

6. You’re overly focused on your partner’s flaws

In a relationship, it’s natural to notice your partner’s quirks and flaws. After all, nobody is perfect. However, if you find yourself obsessing over these flaws or constantly bringing them up, it could be a sign that you’re not fully invested in the relationship.

You might think that being critical is a sign that you care enough to want your partner to improve. But in reality, an excessive focus on your partner’s flaws often indicates that you’re looking for reasons to create distance or justify your own lack of investment.

In a deeply invested relationship, you’d accept your partner, flaws and all, while encouraging their growth. If instead, you’re using their imperfections as a shield against deeper emotional engagement, it might be time to reevaluate your feelings towards the relationship.

7. You prioritize others over your partner

We all have various commitments and people in our lives – friends, family, work, and hobbies. However, a telltale sign of not being fully invested in a relationship is when you consistently prioritize these over your partner.

If you find yourself regularly choosing friends’ get-togethers over quiet nights with your partner or favoring work over spending quality time together, it could indicate that you’re not as deeply committed to the relationship as you might believe.

In a deeply invested relationship, there’s a balance. Your partner isn’t constantly put on the back burner but instead is considered an integral part of your decision-making process. If you notice that your partner often falls down on your priority list, it may be time to assess your true feelings towards them and the relationship.

Reflecting on your relationship

Recognizing these signs in your relationship can be a daunting process. It requires honesty, introspection, and the courage to face uncomfortable truths. But remember, acknowledging these signs doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship. Instead, it can serve as a wake-up call to assess what you truly want and need.

Relationships are about growth, connection, and mutual care. If you’re not deeply invested, it can feel like you’re going through the motions without experiencing the depth of love and intimacy that should come with a committed partnership.

It’s essential to remember that being deeply invested in a relationship doesn’t mean losing oneself in it. On the contrary, a deeply invested partnership should be about mutual support, where both partners can grow and thrive while maintaining their individuality.

Consider your feelings when you’re with your partner. Do you feel loved, cherished, and respected? Or do you often feel distant or disconnected? Reflect on how often you prioritize your partner’s needs and happiness over your own or other aspects of your life.

It’s also worth considering the future. Can you picture yourself growing old with this person? Or is the thought of a shared future something you shy away from?

Remember, relationships should not be a source of constant stress or discomfort. They should bring joy, security, and a sense of belonging. If you’re not feeling these things in your current relationship, it might be time to reassess.

Recognizing that you are not as invested in your current relationship as you could be is not an admission of failure. It’s an opportunity for growth and change. Whether that change means working on improving your current relationship or moving on to find a connection that allows for deeper investment is up to you.

Take the time to reflect honestly on these aspects of your relationship. It could lead to some challenging realizations, but ultimately it could also lead to a more fulfilling, authentic relationship, whether that’s with your current partner or with someone new in the future. The journey to deep emotional investment starts with self-awareness and honesty.

Embracing self-love

Understanding and acknowledging the signs of not being deeply invested in your relationship can be a challenging process, but it’s also an opportunity to embrace a fundamental principle of self-love.

Through this journey, I’ve learned the importance of prioritizing my feelings and well-being. It’s crucial to remember that self-love is not about being selfish or disregarding others’ feelings. Instead, it’s about recognizing your worth and ensuring that you’re in a relationship that respects and values that worth.

Self-love in this context means having the courage to confront the reality of your relationship and making decisions that align with your happiness and well-being. It’s about sometimes putting yourself first and acknowledging that it’s okay to do so.

In my own journey, I’ve realized that self-love often starts with small steps. It begins with acknowledging your feelings and giving yourself the permission to feel them. It’s about listening to your gut when something doesn’t feel right and taking action instead of ignoring or dismissing these feelings.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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