Eliza Hartley
I’ve always thought of myself as easygoing and social, but when I reconnected with an old high school friend recently, I was shocked—I could barely stand being around them.
What started as a friendly catch-up quickly turned into a one-sided conversation filled with interruptions, complaints, and constant self-absorption.
It hit me: some people genuinely don’t realize how difficult they are to be around.
Their behaviors feel small to them but can be overwhelming to others. Let’s dive into 7 common habits that unknowingly drive people away.
1) They’re inconsistent in their behavior
Have you ever been around someone whose actions and moods seem to change like the wind?
One moment they’re all sunshine and rainbows, and the next they’re completely closed off. It can be incredibly confusing, not to mention draining.
Dealing with such inconsistency can leave you feeling off-balance and uncertain about where you stand.
This behavioral inconsistency is a common trait among difficult individuals.
But here’s the kicker – they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
They may not be intentionally trying to keep you on your toes. In fact, they might be completely oblivious to the impact their fluctuating behavior has on those around them.
This lack of self-awareness makes it even more challenging for others to interact with them.
2) They engage in constant criticism
We’ve all experienced it. That one person who can never see the bright side of things. Who always finds something to criticize, be it your choice of outfit, the way you talk, or even the sandwich you’re eating.
This is what psychologists refer to as “negative bias“. It’s a tendency to focus more on the bad aspects of life than the good.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Constructive criticism can be helpful, even necessary at times. But there’s a fine line between offering useful feedback and being perpetually negative.
And guess what? People who are truly difficult to be around cross this line without even realizing it.
They may think they’re just being honest or helpful. But in reality, their constant criticism can make others feel belittled and discouraged.
Moreover, this relentless focus on the negatives can create a rather gloomy atmosphere that’s not exactly pleasant to be around.
3) They struggle to give or receive compliments
Interestingly, the same individuals who frequently dish out criticism have a hard time giving and receiving compliments.
You might think that someone who’s quick to point out flaws would be equally quick to acknowledge strengths, but that’s not always the case.
People who are genuinely challenging to be around often struggle with positive feedback.
Compliments directed at them might be dismissed outright or brushed off with self-deprecating humor, making it difficult to connect on a positive level.
Similarly, they may find it hard to offer genuine praise. Their compliments might come across as forced or insincere, leaving you feeling more uncomfortable than appreciated.
This behavior isn’t always intentional. For some, navigating expressions of admiration—whether giving or receiving—can be unfamiliar or even unsettling. It stems from not knowing how to process or respond to positive interactions.
While their criticism can be draining, their inability to engage with compliments adds another layer of frustration and confusion, complicating your efforts to foster a balanced relationship.
4) They have a need to always be right
Minor topics like the weather or major issues like politics—it doesn’t matter. They’ll insist they’re right, even when the evidence says otherwise. People who are difficult to engage with exhibit this need to always be correct.
This behavior isn’t simply about stubbornness or arrogance. It arises from deep-seated insecurity or a fear of appearing inadequate. To them, admitting they’re wrong might feel like a direct threat to their credibility or self-worth.
Unfortunately, this relentless need to be right alienates others. It sparks unnecessary conflict and drains the energy from conversations, especially when they refuse to entertain other perspectives or acknowledge mistakes.
Over time, this pattern doesn’t just strain relationships; it stifles opportunities for genuine connection and collaborative growth.
Navigating these interactions requires tact and mutual respect. As Dale Carnegie noted, “Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.'”
Acknowledging differences without confrontation creates a foundation for healthier communication and better relationships.
5) They display manipulative behavior
Manipulation, it’s a word none of us like to throw around. Yet, it’s a reality we sometimes have to face when dealing with difficult individuals.
People who are hard to be around exhibit manipulative behavior, consciously or unconsciously. This could manifest in various ways such as:
- Playing the victim card to gain sympathy
- Using guilt trips to get what they want
- Gaslighting others to make them doubt their perception
These actions can take a significant emotional toll on those who experience them, often leaving them feeling exhausted and hurt.
The individual displaying this behavior may not even be fully aware of their actions. To them, it might feel like they’re simply advocating for their needs or shielding themselves from harm.
However, these manipulative strategies disrupt the balance in relationships, creating a power dynamic that can leave others feeling disoriented, guilty, or even devalued.
6) They’re not good listeners
You’re sharing a story or opening up about your feelings, but the person you’re speaking to doesn’t seem engaged. It feels as though they’re simply waiting for their turn to talk instead of genuinely listening.
This kind of interaction can be incredibly frustrating.
People who are difficult to interact with may struggle with active listening.
They interrupt, shift the conversation to another topic, or appear distracted. However, their behavior isn’t always rooted in rudeness. They may be so absorbed in their own thoughts and emotions that they fail to focus on others.
This lack of attentiveness turns conversations into one-sided exchanges where only their voice seems to matter. For those on the receiving end, it can feel dismissive and invalidating, leaving us feeling unheard and unimportant.
Stephen R. Covey’s words resonate here: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
True active listening is about understanding not just the words but the emotions and thoughts being shared. Without it, conversations lose their depth, and connections weaken. Let’s be honest—no one likes feeling as though they’re talking to a wall.
7) They avoid responsibility for their actions
Admitting fault isn’t easy for everyone. It can feel uncomfortable and may bruise the ego, but taking responsibility for our actions is essential for personal growth and fostering healthy relationships.
For some, however, avoiding responsibility becomes second nature. They shift blame, make excuses, and position themselves as the victim, leaving others to shoulder the burden of accountability.
To them, it might seem like they’re simply explaining their actions or defending themselves, but to others, it comes across as a refusal to acknowledge mistakes or own their behavior.
This avoidance damages trust and fosters resentment, making meaningful connections difficult to sustain.
Hal Elrod captures the power of accountability perfectly: “The moment you take 100 percent responsibility for everything in your life is the same moment you claim your power to change anything in your life.”
Taking ownership not only rebuilds trust but also empowers us to break free from old patterns and create positive change in our relationships and beyond.
How can we react to these behaviors?
So, we’ve identified the behaviors that make some people truly difficult to be around. But how should we react when confronted with these behaviors?
Here are a few suggestions:
- Take a step back: It’s easy to react impulsively, but it’s more beneficial to take a moment and reflect before responding.
- Set boundaries: It’s important to protect your well-being. If someone’s behavior is affecting you negatively, it’s okay to distance yourself or set clear boundaries.
- Seek understanding: Try to understand where they’re coming from. Their behavior might be a reflection of their own struggles or insecurities.
Dealing with difficult people can be challenging, but understanding their behaviors can provide us with valuable insights and equip us with better coping strategies.
Everyone has their own battles and sometimes, the difficult people in our lives are fighting battles we know nothing about. So let’s use this understanding as a tool for empathy, patience, and kindness in our day-to-day interactions.
After all, isn’t that what being human is all about?
