Pearl Nash
Whenever someone with great confidence walks into a room, they usually turn heads. Their cool presence has gravity and commands immense respect.
This is markedly different from someone who is arrogant. Their arrogance makes them seek validation in many ways, turning people off.
True confidence is quiet and self-assured and thus never seeks external validation.
In this article, we’ll talk about people who are truly confident and never seek validation for these 11 things.
1) Your understanding
Someone who lacks confidence often has a difficult time saying no to things.
The result? They overexplain why they’re saying no.
Instead of saying no outright, they’ll typically say they’re unsure. Then they’ll offer a lot of excuses and overexplain unprompted.
Unconfident people have an overly strong fear of disappointing you if you say no. So they do this to subconsciously solicit your understanding or pity—as if they need your permission to stay no.
They want you to say, “It’s okay if you can’t come!” without them having to say no explicitly.
Confident people, on the other hand, will firmly yet warmly say no. If other people get upset about it, they understand it’s not their problem.
2) How they look
I know I can take way too long choosing what to wear for an event. Then, I’ll spend another eternity on my makeup!
We all do this (Right? Or is it just me?).
Then, I’ll ask my partner or my friends what they think.
Now, I’m not saying that’s necessarily wrong. But sometimes, we can go too far and care too much about what other people think about our appearance.
Truly confident people don’t feel the need to have other people validate their looks.
It doesn’t matter whether they’re wearing jeans and a shirt or they’re the most extravagantly dressed person in the room…
They dress for themselves!
3) Their hobbies
People can be incredibly judgemental, even when it comes to something fairly inconsequential, like someone’s hobbies.
Again, however, confident people feel no need to care about other people’s opinions.
Whether their hobbies are…
- Expensive—like golf;
- Nerdy—like a trading card game;
- Sporty—like a hiking;
- Introverted—like books;
…they will absolutely own it. They have zero shame in it and will continue doing what they love as long as they don’t step on anybody else.
Trust me, giving up something you love for somebody else’s approval will always feel much, much worse than not getting said approval.
When I was in high school, I stopped doing taekwondo just before I got a black belt.
Do you know why? Because my friends told me it was tomboyish or unfeminine.
Still wish I could go back and get that black belt!
If your friends are judging you for your hobbies, ask yourself: are these really the people you want to be friends with?
4) Past achievements
We all deserve to celebrate wins and give ourselves a pat on the back for our hard work. Whether it’s as small as losing ten pounds or buying a house, they’re all worth celebrating.
At the same time, however, truly confident people don’t have their entire sense of self-worth hanging on those achievements.
Even more so, they don’t feel the need to gloat about them!
Sure, of course, it can naturally come up in conversation. But sometimes, people bring it up out of a desire for other people to express admiration.
At that point, that’s not confidence but rather arrogance.
And here’s the thing: confident people are also humble.
5) Their social media clout
We live in the social media age. Things like how influential you are online or how many followers you have (collectively also known as having “clout”) are now seen as achievements of some sort.
But here’s the thing: do they truly matter?
Sure, if you actually work as a social media content creator, then it does because it’s your source of income.
But for the vast majority of regular people out there, it really doesn’t.
As central as social media is to our social lives nowadays, it’s still no replacement for actual real-life relationships.
While confident people may have a lot of Facebook friends because they tend to be likable, they understand that it’s not something to be proud of necessarily.
6) Whether they’re right
Some people always want other people to back them up.
This typically happens when they’re starting to doubt whether they did the right thing or not.
And this typically happens when they’re starting to realize that they might’ve done the wrong thing—but aren’t ready to admit it yet.
Because they’re no longer fully sure of themselves, they now need other people to validate them.
However, truly confident people can readily admit to their mistakes.
They’re not concerned about being judged by others. They won’t judge themselves either!
Well, at least not too harshly.
They understand that they’re human and make mistakes. It doesn’t cripple their self-image.
They’re able to do this all while holding themselves accountable. After all, having confidence also means being brave enough to apologize sincerely and make amends if necessary.
7) What makes them happy
Confident people are focused on their own lives. They concentrate on their own goals and the things that make them happy.
Whether other people approve of these things is not of concern to them. Whether it’s their…
- Hobbies;
- Partner;
- Job;
- Pets;
- Fashion choices;
…they will keep doing what makes them happy, and as to them–others should do the same.
That is their philosophy.
And you know what? It is absolutely freeing for them to let go of what other people think. They can just live their life and enjoy their happiness.
8) Their emotions
On the one hand, confident people are often and readily vulnerable with their loved ones.
While we often equate vulnerability with weakness, being confident also means being unashamed and brave enough to share yourself with others.
They’re not afraid to admit that they feel scared, uncertain, and, yes, even insecure at times.
At the same time, however, they don’t need other people to validate their emotions.
What do I mean by this?
Confident people are unfazed by other people, calling them weak or overly emotional for expressing their emotions.
Similarly, they’re unaffected by people invalidating their emotions as well.
You have no reason to be insecure!
You shouldn’t be happy about that!
Confident people will feel what they feel and strive to process their emotions in the best and healthiest way they can.
By doing so, they’re able to stay authentic and sincere to both themselves and the people around them.
9) How they ask for help
As I said above, confident people are unafraid to admit it when they’re unsure of things. They don’t feel the need to pretend that they’re perfect or know everything.
Because of this, they don’t hesitate to ask for help if they really need it.
They don’t care if other people think that they’re being weak and incompetent.
This phenomenon also reveals another thing about confidence: it respects other people.
Because confident people are not judgemental themselves, they are able to see the good and the brilliant in other people.
Thus, when they ask for advice, it’s also their way of expressing respect and admiration for their expertise or wisdom.
10) Their values
However, while confident people will not hesitate to seek counsel from other people, they also don’t treat any advice they receive as gospel.
At the end of the day, it’s just another person’s opinion. Sure, it can definitely be good to get as many opinions as possible in order to get a broader perspective on things.
But they also know that the opinion that matters the most is theirs. Confident people will act according to their values and perspectives.
Sometimes, they just seek extra help to widen this perspective.
11) Their life decisions
When we were kids, people would often tell us what we should or shouldn’t do in life.
They’d tell us, for example, what kind of career to have. For a lot of people, their parents would tell them that they should be:
- A doctor;
- An engineer;
- A lawyer;
- An entrepreneur;
Basically, any career path that has traditionally been thought of as high-paying or having high social status.
And the thing is, it still doesn’t stop once you get older. People will still judge you for your job.
Well, it’s a good thing confident people don’t care what other people think.
One of my closest friends isn’t being paid the highest as a teacher.
But she enjoys every single day at her job. She feels fulfilled that she’s doing something meaningful, and that’s invaluable.
The bottom line
Confident people are able to strike the best balance between seeking advice and not caring too much about what other people say.
One thing that helps them decide how much weight to put on other people’s opinions is how much they respect the person and, consequently, how much their opinion aligns with their own values.
After all, confident people are also as sure of their values as they are sure of themselves!
Acknowledging one’s own imperfections does not need to mean that you’ll bend over backward to appease other people.
Once you realize this, not only will you become more confident. You’ll be far happier, too!
