People who are too hard of themselves and lack self-worth often use these 7 phrases in a conversation

In the dance of dialogue, the words we choose often mirror our internal state. The phrases we frequently use can be subtle indicators of how we perceive ourselves, particularly when it comes to self-worth.

Individuals who are excessively self-critical or struggle with low self-esteem often unknowingly reveal their inner turmoil through their language. Their words can serve as unconscious expressions of their hidden insecurities and self-doubt.

Here are seven phrases often used by people who are too hard on themselves and lack self-worth.

1) “I’m sorry…”

One phrase that often slips into the lexicon of those wrestling with low self-esteem or a harsh self-critic is, “I’m sorry.” While apologizing when we’ve wronged others is a sign of respect and empathy, individuals who lack self-worth can find themselves over-apologizing.

They may say “I’m sorry” when they express an opinion, make a request, or even when they occupy space. This comes from the belief that they are imposing on others or disrupting harmony. It’s a verbal manifestation of their perceived unworthiness.

This habit of excessive apologizing can also stem from a deep-seated fear of rejection or conflict. By saying “I’m sorry,” they’re trying to pre-empt any potential criticism or disapproval. It’s a defensive mechanism that shields them from the discomfort of perceived judgment or conflict.

Recognizing this pattern is the first step to transforming it.

Instead of defaulting to an apology, they can learn to express themselves assertively and realize that their thoughts, feelings, and presence are valid and valuable. It’s about shifting from apology to assertion while maintaining respect for others’ perspectives and feelings.

2) “It’s probably my fault…”

This phrase is a reflection of their inclination to internalize blame, even in situations where they’re not at fault. It’s a manifestation of their belief that they are inherently flawed or inadequate.

In my personal experience, I’ve found that individuals who frequently use this phrase often do so out of a deep-seated belief in their own unworthiness. They feel responsible for any negative outcome, even when it’s beyond their control.

This habitual self-blame can be deeply ingrained, but with self-awareness and compassionate self-reflection, it’s possible to shift this pattern. Instead of defaulting to self-blame, they can learn to objectively assess situations and understand that responsibility often lies in multiple places.

As Dr. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher and storyteller whose work aligns with my beliefs, beautifully puts it:

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it… Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

3) “I’m not good enough…”

Those grappling with feelings of unworthiness frequently use the phrase, “I’m not good enough.” This self-deprecating statement reflects a deep-seated belief in their own inadequacy. Whether it’s about their skills, appearance, or overall worth, they often feel they fall short of expectations.

In my journey of personal development and through my work, I’ve encountered many individuals who struggle with this limiting belief. It’s a debilitating mindset that can hinder progress and overshadow one’s true potential.

The good news is, this belief can be transformed. It starts with acknowledging the unhelpful thought pattern and then fostering self-compassion and self-worth.

One effective way to start this transformation is through a guided reflection exercise I share in my video on enhancing self-love and improving your relationship with yourself.

 

4) “I don’t deserve…”

Individuals grappling with a harsh self-critic often find themselves uttering the phrase, “I don’t deserve…” Whether it’s happiness, success, love, or even basic kindness, they believe they are undeserving. This self-deprecating view can be deeply rooted in past experiences and negative self-perception.

This phrase reveals a core belief of unworthiness, a feeling that they are less deserving than others. It’s a belief that can lead to self-sabotage, missed opportunities, and an overall diminished quality of life.

This belief stands in stark contrast to one of my core beliefs – that every individual has inherent dignity and worth. No one is less deserving of love, happiness, or success. Embracing this belief is a step towards personal freedom and transformation.

But changing such a fundamental belief isn’t easy. It requires an honest confrontation with our fears and insecurities, coupled with a commitment to personal growth. It’s about challenging our limiting beliefs and cultivating self-compassion.

5) “It’s always my luck…”

This statement usually follows a disappointing event, reinforcing their belief in their perennial misfortune. It’s a manifestation of their perceived victimhood, where they feel perpetually at the mercy of external circumstances.

This mindset can be incredibly disempowering, fostering a sense of helplessness and resignation. It feeds the narrative that they are powerless in the face of life’s challenges and adverse events are inevitably drawn to them.

Contrary to this, one of my core beliefs is that true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives. Instead of blaming external circumstances or resorting to fatalism, we can choose to focus on what we can control – our attitudes, actions, and responses.

To shift from a victim mentality to a frame of empowered resilience isn’t easy – it requires courage and determination. Yet the outcome is worth the effort. By shifting our focus to what we can control and taking responsibility for our choices, we reclaim our power to shape our lives.

For insights on embracing this empowering mindset, I invite you to watch my video on why it’s essential to embrace feeling like an imposter. Here, I delve into how feeling like an ‘imposter’ can drive a more profound exploration of personal capabilities and foster authentic growth and empowerment.

 

6) “I should’ve known better…”

The phrase, “I should’ve known better,” is often used by those who are hard on themselves. This statement is typically made after a perceived mistake or failure, reflecting a harsh judgment of their past actions.

It implies an unrealistic expectation of foresight and perfection, which can be incredibly self-defeating.

Interestingly, though it might seem counterproductive, this phrase can actually serve as a stepping stone to personal growth and resilience.

How? By acknowledging that we didn’t know better at that moment but have since gained new insights or knowledge. Mistakes and failures are not just inevitable aspects of being human, they are powerful learning opportunities.

This aligns with one of my core beliefs – that obstacles and setbacks are opportunities for growth and learning. Instead of beating ourselves up for not knowing better, we can choose to focus on what we’ve learned from the experience. We can view it as feedback and an invitation to adapt, evolve, and tap into our creativity.

Let’s remember the words of Maya Angelou: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” It’s not about knowing better in the past but about doing better in the present and future based on what we’ve learned.

7) “I’m such a mess…”

This phrase is an expression of their perceived disarray or failure—be it emotional, professional, or personal. This phrase often signals an internalized negative view about oneself and one’s capacity to manage life’s challenges.

However, feeling like a ‘mess’ doesn’t mean that one actually is a mess. It’s important to realize that everyone experiences periods of chaos and confusion in life. It’s part of being human. These times of upheaval can also be seen as periods of growth and change, leading to greater self-understanding and resilience.

This idea is central to one of my core beliefs – that obstacles and setbacks are opportunities for growth and learning. So, rather than succumbing to feelings of disorder, we can choose to see these moments as catalysts for personal growth and transformation.

As the late Leonard Cohen beautifully put it, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Sometimes, it’s through our perceived ‘messes’ that we find our greatest potential for growth and transformation.

Embracing the journey towards self-worth

Unraveling the web of self-doubt and self-criticism is a complex but crucial process in the journey towards authentic living.

The phrases we’ve discussed, often used by those who are hard on themselves, reflect a deep-seated struggle with self-worth. They are verbal manifestations of their internal battles with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.

Yet, each phrase also offers an opportunity for transformation. By recognizing these self-deprecating patterns in our language, we can start to challenge our limiting beliefs and foster a more compassionate relationship with ourselves.

Even though it’s a challenging journey, it’s worth remembering that every step towards a greater sense of self-worth is a step towards more fulfilling relationships, increased resilience, and a more authentic life.

As Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, once said: “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”

The journey towards self-worth is just that—a continuous process of growth, learning, and deepening self-understanding.