Clifton Kopp
Is there anything worse than a boring person?
Unfortunately, in our lives, we occasionally meet people who are just an absolute drag to be around.
I’m not necessarily talking about people who seem boring on the surface.
For example, someone may have hobbies and interests that you aren’t interested in yourself. But often, if you get talking to someone like that, their passion can make the subject interesting, even if it’s not something you would normally want to listen to.
No, I’m talking about people who sap your energy just by being around them. People who drag you down into their own monotonous existence and make you feel like you’d do anything to get away.
Unfortunately, people often don’t realize when they are being mind-numbingly tedious. And here are some behaviors these people may display without ever realizing what they mean.
1) They monopolize conversations
Is there anything worse than somebody who has to completely dominate every conversation they are in?
At its best, conversation should be a give-and-take. An activity where everybody gets to have their say and opinions and laughter get shared.
But it’s impossible to reach that conversational Nirvana with someone who just won’t shut up.
These are people who drone on and on about whatever’s in their head, without giving any thought to what other people want to hear. Also, they may interrupt or talk over others because they are so eager to get their own point across.
Funnily enough, this often comes from a lack of self-esteem. People may worry that if they stop talking even for a minute, other people will stop noticing them. And so they feel a need to monopolize every conversation and turn it toward whatever their favorite subject is – often themselves.
2) They talk about themselves
That’s right. Not only do tedious people often monopolize conversations and push everybody out with a nonstop stream of words, but it’s also true that many times, their favorite – maybe even only – topic of conversation is themselves.
The trouble is, almost none of us are as interesting as we think we are. Although we all have stories about our lives, they are often much less fascinating to other people than we hope.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with telling a personal anecdote here and there. In fact, they can help keep conversation going and help you relate to other people.
The problem comes when you only ever talk about yourself. Just hearing a single person’s opinions and anecdotes gets extremely tedious for everyone else after a while.
Unfortunately, lots of people never realize this. They just go on and on talking about themselves as if nobody else has done anything interesting in their lives.
3) They constantly complain
This is a character trait that is incredibly tedious, and something that’s almost guaranteed to put people off right away.
Bad things happen to all of us. And when they do, there’s nothing wrong with venting a little, especially to people you are close to. Sometimes, we all need a little emotional support, sympathy, or just a friendly ear.
But if you complain all the time, you become incredibly tedious to be around.
I know several people like this. And the funny thing is, they don’t seem to realize that all they do is complain. Often, they genuinely think that their life is harder than everybody else’s, and that they are just amazingly unlucky.
The thing is, constant complaints have a way of dragging everyone else down into the negativity of the complainer. When all you hear is everything that is wrong with the world, it can sour your own happiness, making a complainer extremely tedious to be around.
4) They miss social cues
I’ll admit, I struggle with this. I’m not the most observant person in the world, and while I try to be polite, I have a habit of missing the social cues people sometimes give to indicate how they feel in the conversation.
I hope I’m not tedious to be around. But often, people who don’t pay attention to the social cues they receive are.
“Social cues can really be anything nonverbal that sends a message that communicates something about how that person is thinking or feeling about engaging with you,” says psychotherapist Annette Nunez.
They include:
- Eye contact, or the lack of it;
- People facing away from them;
- Facial expressions that show disinterest;
- People looking at phones while they are talking;
- Silence as a response to the things they say;
- Mentioning that it’s getting late or that they have something to do elsewhere.
These can all be nonverbal cues that a person is not interested in having a conversation with somebody else. And if you miss those social cues, you run the risk of other people finding you extremely tedious to be around.
5) They one-up people
This is another conversational trait that quickly gets annoying and even exhausting.
You’ve probably had the experience of meeting someone who always had to one-up everyone else. In other words, they always have a better story.
Describe something good that happened to you, and they will have done something better. Tell a story about an unlucky incident, and they will have a story that’s somehow more embarrassing, awkward, and dramatic than yours.
Again, this is a conversational trait that often comes from deep insecurity. People who feel a need to be the center of attention will often exaggerate or even invent stories so that they can ‘win’ the conversation.
This need to always be at the center of things can make someone extremely tedious to be around, even if they don’t realize it.
6) They lack empathy
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes and understand how they feel. And as you can probably imagine, it’s a key part of being someone who is fun to talk to.
When you can empathize with others, you can understand how they feel. So you can tailor your conversation toward the things they are interested in and want to talk about.
Tedious people, however, are often incapable of doing this. And a lack of empathy may be the reason why.
If you can’t understand how other people feel, it’s harder to tell when you are boring them. And because they don’t have the empathy to see themselves the way other people do, tedious people often don’t realize just how tedious they are.
7) They don’t change their opinions
We all have opinions that we hold quite strongly. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, you don’t want to be a doormat who changes what they think according to what everyone else around them believes.
On the other hand, there’s nothing more tedious than someone who is completely inflexible in their views.
These are people who have already made up their mind on every conceivable subject. Even if you confront them with facts to prove them wrong, they will only double down on their opinions, guided mostly by the way they feel.
This makes them extremely tedious to be around, as every conversation becomes a lecture. If someone can’t at least listen to the points of view of others, it becomes pointless talking to them at all.
8) They give too much information
Have you ever met one of those people who shares too much?
I don’t necessarily mean they over-share intimate details of their lives, although that does happen, too. I’m talking more about people who don’t know how to tell a story.
These people will give you every irrelevant detail of something that happened, when it really doesn’t change your understanding at all. An audience doesn’t need to know what the weather was doing on the day you went on a date, for example, unless it affects the story in some way.
The art of telling a good, non-tedious story is often the art of knowing what to leave out. But tedious people don’t seem to know the difference between an important detail and one that doesn’t matter.
9) They interrupt
Most people consider interrupting others in conversation extremely rude.
And talking to somebody who constantly interrupts can quickly become tedious and frustrating.
“Consistent interruptions by the same person not only feel like a lack of respect for you and your thoughts, but they also demonstrate apparent self-centeredness,” writes author and career coach Sherri Gordon.
Tedious people may not realize it.
But interrupting others makes them extremely draining to be around.
Don’t be tedious
Being tedious isn’t the same as being boring. Often, being tedious means lacking manners and not appreciating the feelings of others.
And tedious people are often lacking in the self-awareness that would let them know how tedious they really are.
