People who are only nice to you when they need something usually have these 8 traits

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We all know these kinds of people. When they want something from you, they couldn’t be more in your face.

Asking you this, texting you that, being around way more often than they usually are.

But as soon as you help them out, they disappear off the face of the Earth!

Granted, some friends are just busy. Just because they lean on you during a rough patch, that doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend – or even a bad person!

They might simply be pulling on their support system in hard times, just like you would if the boot was on the other foot.

But watch out! Fake friends rock up in the most unexpected of places, and sometimes they’re pretty hard to spot.

Someone who’s only nice to you when they need something will usually have these 8 traits – so look out for them if something seems fishy with your friend!

1) They always talk about their own dramas

A fake friend loves talking about their drama – and there’s always a lot of it! Every time you speak to them, there’s something major going on in their life – or a million and one major things!

Sure, it may be genuine. But drama doesn’t tend to follow genuine people all that much. So be careful of people like this.

For one, they may be incredibly self-absorbed, which is why they have so much drama following them around. And two, what they might actually be doing is trying to win your sympathy – so they can manipulate you into doing them a favor later.

Think about it, do they always go on about their life problems and then ask you to lend them money? Or do they complain all day about having to get the bus somewhere until you offer them a ride?

If their woes and troubles are usually followed by a request for help, their outpourings may not be as genuine as they seem.

2) They rarely listen to your problems

All they do is talk about themselves, right? Whenever you have a problem you want to talk about, it’s like carrying water in a sieve (i.e., it’s pointless!).

People who are fake nice for something in return aren’t interested in hearing about you. They’ll interrupt you every minute they get to talk about their problems, claiming they’re in a similar situation when they really aren’t!

When you text them asking to chat, they don’t reply for days or “can’t seem to find the time” to meet up for a quick coffee.

Basically, they just aren’t a good friend to you when you need them the most. The only time they do show their support is when THEY want something out of the conversation, too. Like your emotional support, sympathy, or an actual favor.

3) They disappear when you need help

Friends help friends. That’s just the basics of a friendship! You should be able to help them (within reason) and they should be able to help you in return.

When someone is only interested in a friendship with you because of what YOU offer THEM, they won’t be there for you when you need them.

They might act like they are there for you. They might exclaim, “Oh, why didn’t you tell me you needed help with that?”. Or say, “Let me know if you need a hand!”, but then always have an excuse when you actually take them up on it…

Because in reality, they’re never there for you. You can’t rely on them at all, and not once have they ever “returned the favor” when you’ve helped them out.

4) They gossip behind other people’s backs

How do most of your conversations go? Are they respectful? Are they interesting and uplifting? Do you come away feeling good about it all?

Or does all this person do is gossip, gossip, gossip? Acting nice to someone’s face and then dragging them through the dirt the minute they walk away!

Yeah, this person probably isn’t all that nice. And it makes you wonder doesn’t it, are they the same way with you? Are they only being nice to you because they have something to gain from your friendship?

Maybe, maybe not. But it’s good to keep your wits about you when people who gossip all the time ask you for a favor…

5) They overcompliment you

Do you ever get the sense that someone may be a little too kind?

Sure, that may just be your trust issues talking (guilty!). But it might be a gut feeling you should actually listen to.

When someone obsessively compliments you, it could be their attempt at manipulating you into doing something they want you to do.

It’s like the classic example of telling someone how great they are at making coffee so they make it for you all the time!

I had a fake friend who always told me how kind and generous I was. When she used to frequently ask me for cash, I felt so bad saying no. Declining felt like I was shattering her perception that I was a “nice” person.

When really, she was just saying those things so I’d lend her more money… It was a compliment, but it was only given because she gained something from it.

6) They give backhanded compliments

Sure, someone might compliment you to get what they want. But they might be a little more manipulative instead!

Ask yourself, are they really complimenting you here? Or are they actually belittling you and disguising it as a compliment?

I’ve met people who, when they want something from you, they’ll try to guilt you into doing it. How? By making you feel like you can’t.

They might say something like, “Could you create that chart for me? I thought I’d ask you as I know the boss said you need to get better at it”.

It sounds like they’re doing you a favor and being nice – helping you out with your personal improvements by offering – but really, they just want you to do their work.

7) They don’t take no for an answer

When my college friends were going to a festival, I didn’t fancy it, so I told my friend not to get me tickets.

But she wasn’t having any of it! She flooded me with reasons for why I should go and how fun it would be.

For weeks, she went on and on about how I should come. “It wouldn’t be the same without me”, she said and I was, “So much fun at these kinds of things”.

Eventually, I caved. “Great!”, she said, “You can drive us all there!”.

That’s right. She convinced me to come just because I was the only person who had a car and a license to get us all there. She was faking her niceties so I’d change my mind and do what she wanted.

A genuinely kind person won’t act like this at all. If you say no, they’ll respect it. They wouldn’t push you to do anything you didn’t want to do unless they genuinely thought it’d be good for you.

They certainly wouldn’t do it just because they gain something from you doing it!

8) They beat around the bush

When someone wants something from you, they might not always ask it outright. They might try to drop hints to get you to offer, rather than ask for it directly.

A friend of mine who didn’t drive used to do this excessively! She’d randomly start asking me questions about my car. She’d compliment me on my driving skills.

Then she’d move on to say how she wished she could drive so she could take herself to X place this weekend. And how tight money was this month with paying for bus fares all the time. And how early she’d have to wake up if she got the train…

If you haven’t already guessed, she was dropping hints for me to give her a ride. She didn’t care about my driving skills or how big the engine was on my car!

She was just pretending to be nice so I gave her what she wanted.

Final thoughts

There are some great people in the world, but there are also some people who won’t hesitate to take advantage of your kind nature.

As someone who’s always been a little too kind, I know!

People who do this might not be bad, awful, manipulative people. But they definitely don’t have your best interests at heart.

That isn’t a reason to go around distrusting anyone who’s nice to you! But it is a reason to watch yourself, pay attention to the signs, and stay firm when you think it’s needed.

Even if this person is a friend, they might not be as good of a friend to you as you are to them.

So look after yourself always and remember it’s always OK to say no – no matter how “nice” someone is!

Amy Reed

Amy Reed is a content writer from London working with international brands. As an empath, she loves sharing her life insights to help others. When she’s not writing, she enjoys a simple life of reading, gardening, and making a fuss over her two cats.

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