Ava Sinclair
It’s a fact, not everyone who’s nice to you has your best interests at heart. Some people only turn on the charm when they need something from you, and it’s important to recognize these subtle behaviors.
The tricky part? These individuals often know how to make their requests seem innocent or even beneficial to you. But don’t be fooled – their true motive is self-serving.
In this article, we’ll explore 7 subtle behaviors typically displayed by people who are only nice to you when they need something.
Keep reading to arm yourself with knowledge and avoid being manipulated.
1) Selective attention
Have you ever noticed how some people only seem to be around when they need something from you?
This behavior, known as selective attention, is a classic characteristic of individuals who are only nice to you when they require something.
Selective attention is a subtle but telling sign. It involves the person only paying attention to you when they need your help or something you possess. At other times, they may seem disinterested or even completely ignore you.
This can be difficult to spot at first, especially if the person is skilled at pretending to be genuinely interested in you and your life.
But over time, patterns emerge. You’ll notice that their interest in you conveniently aligns with their needs. Recognizing selective attention can help you discern genuine friends from those who see you as a means to an end.
2) Sudden warmth
Here’s a personal story that many of us can relate to.
I had a colleague named Mark. He was a friendly enough guy, but we weren’t particularly close. We’d exchange pleasantries and engage in small talk, but that was the extent of our friendship.
One day, out of the blue, Mark started acting differently towards me. He became significantly warmer, always making a point to greet me with an enthusiastic hello and asking about my weekend plans. Initially, I was pleasantly surprised by his newfound interest in my life.
However, I soon noticed a pattern. Every time Mark was particularly friendly, he would later ask for a favor. Whether it was covering his shift or helping him with a work project, his sudden warmth always preceded a request.
This is a classic example of sudden warmth – a behavior often displayed by people who are only nice when they need something.
They ramp up their friendliness and charm before making their request, hoping to increase the chances of a positive response. It’s a subtle sign, but once you’re aware of it, it’s hard to miss.
3) Over-complimenting
Compliments are lovely. They can make our day and boost our self-esteem.
But when they’re used excessively and strategically by someone who only shows interest when they need something, it can be a subtle manipulation tactic.
Over-complimenting is when someone showers you with praises and compliments, often right before asking for a favor. It’s a psychological strategy designed to make the recipient feel good about themselves and, in turn, more likely to agree to the request.
This tactic is rooted in the theory of reciprocity – a social norm where if someone does something nice for you, you feel a strong urge to do something nice in return.
In this case, the ‘nice thing’ is the compliment, and the expected return is the favor.
4) Unusual availability
Another common behavior of people who are only nice when they need something is an unusual increase in their availability. You’ll find that they suddenly have a lot of time for you, often just before they need to ask for something.
This might look like them reaching out more often, suggesting meet-ups, or showing up at places where you usually hang out. They might even start replying to your messages immediately, despite usually taking hours or even days to respond.
While it can feel nice to be sought after, keep an eye on the pattern. If their availability seems to coincide with needing a favor, it might not be as genuine as it seems.
Being aware of this can help you distinguish between true friendship and opportunistic behavior.
5) Absence during tough times
I remember a time when I was going through a rough patch. It felt like my world was falling apart.
My so-called ‘friend’, who was always around when they needed something, was noticeably absent during this challenging period.
They were conveniently unavailable when I needed a shoulder to lean on or someone to just listen. Their sudden disappearance was a stark contrast to their usual enthusiastic presence when they required a favor or help.
When people are only nice to you when they need something, they often vanish during your tough times. They’re usually not interested in providing support or help because there’s nothing in it for them.
6) Frequent favors
Favors are a part of any relationship. Helping each other out in times of need is a hallmark of true friendship. However, if someone constantly asks for favors but rarely reciprocates or is there for you when you need help, it’s a red flag.
People who are only nice to you when they need something often have a high ‘favor to friendship’ ratio. This means they ask for more favors than the amount of genuine friendship or kindness they provide.
It’s important to keep an eye on this imbalance. A healthy relationship is based on mutual support and give-and-take, not one person constantly taking from the other. Recognizing this pattern can help you maintain healthier relationships and avoid being taken advantage of.
7) Lack of genuine interest
The most telling sign that someone is only nice to you when they need something is a lack of genuine interest in you as a person.
These individuals rarely ask about your feelings, your day, or your life unless it serves their purpose.
They’re often uninterested in your experiences or thoughts unless they’re directly related to what they need. Their conversations center around their needs, their achievements, and their interests.
Genuine friendships involve a mutual interest in each other’s lives.
Final thoughts
At the core of human behavior lies the intricate dance between self-interest and empathy. Understanding this dance can help us navigate the complexities of human relationships.
Recognizing the signs of people who are only nice when they need something is an essential step towards cultivating healthier, more genuine relationships. It helps us identify and steer clear of manipulative behavior, protecting our mental and emotional well-being.
However, we’re all human, capable of change and growth. Labeling someone based on their past actions might not serve us in the long run.
Instead, use this knowledge as a tool for understanding, not judgment. It can open up conversations about expectations and boundaries, strengthening your relationships in the process.
Ultimately, how you handle these individuals is up to you. After all, awareness is just the first step. The real change happens when we take action based on that awareness.
