Clifton Kopp
I’ve never considered myself an especially likable person.
I mean, some people like me. But I’m not one of those people who others are naturally drawn to the moment they meet them. Whatever charms I have take a while to have any effect, and they only seem to work on a select group of others.
On the other hand, there are those people who draw the attention of everyone else the minute they enter a room. These are the people that everyone seems to like right away, people that others want to be around almost from the moment they meet them.
People with charisma, to put it simply.
It’s hard to say whether charisma is something that comes naturally or something people can develop. Maybe, like most character traits, it’s a little bit of both.
However, there are some behaviors that are especially common among people with charisma.
So if you see someone behaving in these ways, there’s a good chance they are a very likable person.
1) They have a positive attitude
One of the biggest keys to being likable is being a positive person.
After all, no one enjoys spending time with someone who is always gloomy and negative.
That doesn’t mean putting on a fake smile and engaging in toxic positivity. After all, someone who is positive about absolutely everything can quickly become as annoying as someone who is always negative.
But it does mean that a likable person will always see the good in any situation. Even bad things often offer opportunities for learning and growth, and having a positive attitude enables them to see this.
The thing is, feelings can be contagious. Just as being around a negative person can drag you down, and being around someone who is positive can lift you up.
“When you create a world where you only allow positive people into your inner circle, you create a life with unlimited potential and a support system,” writes therapist Nikki Martinez.
Consciously or not, people know this. That means they naturally gravitate toward positive people who make them feel better about life.
2) They are empathetic
Another key to being likable is being empathetic.
“Empathy is the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place,” writes psychologist Kendra Cherry. “Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else’s position and feeling what they are feeling.”
Empathy is natural for human beings, so if you don’t have a major personality disorder, you are capable of empathy for others.
But there are different levels. Empathy is a trait that you can cultivate over time, and it’s one likable people have in spades.
That’s because their heightened empathy allows them to understand people on an intuitive level. People with a high level of empathy are often good at reading others, and this allows them to understand what other people want and give it to them.
That’s how empathy makes people more charismatic.
3) They are confident
Humans are funny creatures. While we all think we have our own strong views and opinions that are formed by the facts we observe, often, that’s not true at all.
Instead, a lot of the time, we want to be told what to think.
That’s why confidence is a huge part of charisma. When someone is confident, some parts of our monkey brains can’t help believing in that confidence. After all, they must have something going for them, we think to ourselves. If they are confident, there must be a reason for it.
In that sense, confidence can seem almost like a Jedi mind trick. By being confident, people tell others to respect them.
And because we have a tendency to naturally believe in confident people, we can’t help but be drawn to them.
4) They communicate well
I probably don’t need to tell you that communicating with one another is one of the key features of humans.
But while we are all capable of communication, we aren’t all equally good at it.
Charismatic and likable people tend to be skilled communicators. They can be highly persuasive, able to get their point across and convince other people of their view.
They can also be very funny, able to make people laugh and feel good.
Plus, they tend to be natural storytellers.
If you’ve ever met someone who can captivate a room with the stories they tell, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Being able to communicate effectively and entertainingly with others is a major part of making them like you.
5) They are authentic
Here’s some bad news if you’ve been scrolling through this list looking for ways to become more likable: none of it means anything if you’re not authentic.
You see, you can adopt these behaviors for yourself, and they may work to make you more likable in some situations.
But if you’re faking it, sooner or later, people will figure it out.
We have a kind of sixth sense when it comes to spotting people who aren’t being genuine about who they truly are. And when we suspect someone is pretending to be something they are not, we can’t help but feel less positive toward them.
The positive traits of likable people seem to come from the core of who they are. Instead of seeming like an act to get what they want, it feels natural.
Authentic people are true to themselves and their own character, and that makes people not only respect but like them even more.
6) They have a good sense of humor
Who doesn’t like to laugh?
Laughter not only makes us feel good. It also enhances our bond with one another.
Noted psychologist Robert Provine publish an extensive study on laughter which illustrated its importance in forming social bonds.
In other words, people who laugh together tend to like one another more.
No wonder, then, that likable people tend to have a good sense of humor. Being able to make other people laugh is key to making them like you.
And there’s more.
As this article in Psychology Today points out, humor makes us more sexually attractive, too. Women, especially, seek out who can make them laugh, and women who find their partner funny enjoy both more and stronger orgasms than those who don’t.
7) They are approachable
It’s almost impossible to be likable and intimidating at the same time. So people with a high level of charisma tend to be extremely approachable.
Often, they will be the first to break the ice when meeting someone new. In social situations, they may go out of their way to introduce themselves to people they haven’t met before and get to know them a little bit.
Part of being charismatic is appearing open and interested in other people. Because we all tend to like people who show interest in us.
8) They are open-minded
Along with being approachable, likable people are often open-minded.
That means they take others as they are and avoid having preconceived notions and prejudices about them.
This allows them to get to know people on a deeper level and prevents their pre-existing ideas about others from getting in the way.
Deep down, we all want to be accepted and appreciated for who we are. So maybe it’s not so surprising that open-minded people are far more likable.
Knowing we aren’t being judged by others allows us to open up and share who we really are.
9) They are passionate
There’s nothing like a truly passionate person.
And I don’t necessarily mean that in a romantic sense.
Instead, I mean people who are fully engaged with some aspect of the world and have a deep passion for the things they care about.
In many ways, it doesn’t even matter what the passion is for. It could be for sports, or arts, or for international air traffic. A passionate person who can tell a story with a good sense of humor can make just about anything seem fascinating.
And that inevitably makes them more likable.
10) They have good body language
Finally, an aspect of charisma that is often overlooked is body language.
After all, you could be the most likable and interesting person in the world, but if your body language tells people you don’t want to be approached, good luck ever convincing them to like you.
Having good body language that makes you more likable includes:
- Smiling
- Standing up straight
- Making eye contact
- Leaning slightly toward other people when they are speaking
- Keeping a relaxed posture without crossing your arms or fidgeting
These may sound like small things, but they all contribute to the impression of someone who is relaxed, comfortable, and confident. And those qualities translate to being likable, too.
The traits of likable people
There are lots of different factors that go into making someone likable. But these traits are common among people that others can’t help wanting to be around.
If you spot someone who demonstrates these traits, chances are, they are a charismatic individual.
And maybe, if you’re lucky, you have some of these behaviors yourself.
