People who are mean behind your back but are friendly to your face usually display these 7 specific traits

Navigating the world of human interaction can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield. Particularly tricky are those individuals who are sweet as sugar to your face, but sour as lemons behind your back.

These two-faced individuals often display a set of specific traits that can act as telltale signs of their true intentions. Identifying these traits can help you navigate these complex relationships and avoid getting hurt.

In this article, we will delve into the seven common characteristics of people who are mean behind your back but friendly to your face. It’s time to arm yourself with knowledge and keep your emotional well-being intact.

Let’s dive in.

1) They’re overly sweet and flattering

There’s a saying that goes, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is”. This holds true when dealing with people who are mean behind your back but friendly to your face.

Often, these individuals will shower you with compliments and praise. They appear overly friendly and warm, always ready with a smile or a kind word. Their sweetness can be disarming, making you lower your guard.

But behind this saccharine exterior often hides a different reality. The excessive flattery and sweetness can be a mask for their real feelings, which they express when you’re not around.

Remember, a genuine person will be consistent in their behavior. If someone’s sweetness feels forced or over-the-top, it might be time to reassess the authenticity of their intentions.

It’s always important to trust your instincts when it comes to people’s behavior. After all, your emotional well-being should always come first.

2) They avoid direct communication

In my personal experience, I’ve noticed that people who are mean behind your back but friendly to your face often avoid direct communication.

I remember a former colleague of mine. We’ll call him Steve. Steve was always chatty and friendly in person. But when it came to discussing work-related issues or conflicts, he’d often sidestep the conversation.

Once, I noticed a mistake in one of the reports that he was responsible for. When I approached him about it, he just brushed it off with a laugh and quickly changed the subject. Later, I heard from another colleague that Steve had been complaining about me behind my back, accusing me of nitpicking and being overly critical.

This avoidance of direct communication was a clear sign that while Steve was friendly to my face, he held different sentiments behind my back. It taught me that direct, open communication is a trait of genuine and sincere individuals. Those who dodge it might have something to hide.

3) They are quick to gossip

In the world of primatology, certain species of monkeys are known to exhibit a behavior strikingly similar to human gossip. They emit specific vocalizations, alerting others in their group about the misdeeds of a particular member.

In our human societies, individuals who are friendly to your face but mean behind your back often engage in a similar behavior – they are quick to gossip. They will readily share or invent stories about others, relishing the opportunity to spread rumors and hearsay.

This trait not only helps to spread negativity, but it also serves as a tool for manipulation. By controlling the narrative, they can influence others’ perceptions and maintain their friendly facade. However, it’s essential to remember that someone who gossips with you will likely gossip about you too. So beware of the habitual gossiper.

4) They’re masters of backhanded compliments

Backhanded compliments are a specialty of individuals who are mean behind your back but friendly to your face. They have an uncanny ability to deliver a compliment that, upon closer inspection, isn’t a compliment at all.

For instance, they might say something like, “I wish I could be as relaxed about deadlines as you are,” which initially sounds like praise for your laid-back attitude but is actually a subtle dig at your time management skills.

These ‘compliments’ serve two purposes. Firstly, they allow the person to express their negative feelings towards you without appearing overtly hostile. Secondly, they can create confusion and self-doubt, making it harder for you to pinpoint their true intentions.

Learning to recognize and navigate these backhanded compliments can be a powerful tool in dealing with two-faced individuals.

5) They don’t celebrate your successes

During my early career, I worked in a competitive environment where everyone was aiming for the same promotions and opportunities. I had a colleague who was always friendly and supportive in person. However, I noticed a pattern whenever I achieved something noteworthy.

Whether it was landing a significant client or receiving praise from our boss, this colleague would never genuinely celebrate my successes. There was always a lukewarm congratulations, followed by a quick subject change or a veiled comment that would subtly undermine my achievement.

This lack of genuine joy for others’ successes is another common trait among people who are friendly to your face but mean behind your back. They may see your success as a threat to their own status or self-esteem, causing them to react with envy or resentment rather than genuine happiness.

True friends celebrate each other’s achievements, so take note when someone consistently fails to do so.

6) They are frequently insincere

Inconsistency between words and actions is a common trait among people who are friendly to your face but mean behind your back. They tend to be insincere, making promises they don’t keep or saying things they don’t mean.

For example, they might make a big show of offering their help or support in front of others. But when you actually need them, they are nowhere to be found, often coming up with convenient excuses to justify their absence.

This insincerity can be difficult to detect at first because their words often sound so convincing. Over time, however, the pattern becomes clear – what they say and what they do rarely align. 

7) They lack empathy

At the heart of all these behaviors is a fundamental lack of empathy. People who are mean behind your back but friendly to your face often struggle to understand or share the feelings of others.

Empathy requires a level of honesty and vulnerability that these individuals are unwilling or unable to display. Their focus is primarily on their own feelings and needs, often at the expense of others.

Without empathy, it’s impossible to have a genuine, supportive relationship. Therefore, when you notice a lack of empathy combined with the other traits discussed, it’s typically a strong indicator that you’re dealing with someone who is friendly to your face but mean behind your back.

 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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