Recognizing self-absorption in someone isn’t always straightforward.
It’s not just about vanity or selfishness – it’s subtle, hidden beneath the surface, and often disguised as something else.
People who are inherently self-absorbed exhibit certain behaviors that may not be immediately obvious. But once you know what to look for, you can spot these traits a mile away.
Let me introduce you to the 9 subtle behaviors typically displayed by those who are intrinsically self-absorbed.
1) They rarely ask about your life
It’s one thing to talk about oneself – we all do it. But the real telltale sign of a self-absorbed person is if they show little to no interest in you or your experiences.
Let’s be real, everyone likes being the center of attention sometimes. It’s not always a bad thing. Yet, when interacting with someone who is inherently self-absorbed, you’ll often find that they’re not just the star, but the entire show.
Their world revolves around them, and they have a hard time seeing past their own experiences. Therefore, they rarely ask about your life, your day, or your feelings.
If you often find yourself on the listening end of a conversation with little to no chance to share your own thoughts or experiences, you’re likely dealing with a self-absorbed individual.
2) They dominate conversations
Here’s a personal example. I had a friend who I used to hang out with regularly. We would meet up for coffee, and I realized over time that our conversations were mostly one-sided. It was always about her – her problems, her achievements, her world.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy listening to my friends and being there for them. But with this friend, it was different. She would go on and on about herself without taking a breath, never asking about my life or even pausing to consider if I had something to share.
This constant conversational domination is a classic behavior of someone who is inherently self-absorbed. They tend to monopolize conversations, focusing on their own stories, ideas, and opinions, often ignoring or dismissing what others have to say.
3) They rarely express genuine empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, a trait that self-absorbed people often lack. In fact, research in the field of psychology has shown a strong correlation between high levels of narcissism (a form of extreme self-absorption) and low levels of empathy.
When dealing with a self-absorbed person, you may find that they struggle to genuinely empathize with your experiences or emotions. This doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t show sympathy – expressing sorrow for your troubles – but empathy goes a step further. It’s about sharing in your feelings, not just acknowledging them.
4) They often interrupt
Ever been in the middle of telling a story or expressing an opinion, only to be cut off? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
People who are inherently self-absorbed have a knack for interrupting. Their thoughts, opinions, and stories seem to take precedence over anyone else’s, and they aren’t shy about interjecting. It’s as though they believe what they have to say is more important or more interesting.
This is not to say that everyone who interrupts is self-absorbed – sometimes we all get excited and jump in hastily. But consistent interruption, especially without acknowledgment or apology, could be a sign of a self-centered person.
Communication is a two-way street. If it feels like you’re playing dodgeball instead of catch, you might be dealing with someone who’s self-absorbed.
5) They often play the victim
Life throws curveballs at all of us. It’s how we handle these difficulties that truly defines us.
Inherently self-absorbed people have a tendency to play the victim. They often perceive themselves as the target, even in situations where it’s entirely unrelated to them.
Rather than taking responsibility for their actions or acknowledging their role in a problematic situation, they’ll deflect blame and make it about themselves. It’s a coping mechanism, a way to garner sympathy and attention.
If you know someone who always seems to be at the center of drama or constantly feels targeted, they might be displaying self-absorbed behavior.
6) They struggle with genuine compliments
Compliments are a beautiful way to express admiration and bring joy to others. We all love receiving them, but giving them sincerely is equally important.
Yet, you might notice that self-absorbed individuals struggle with this. They are adept at showering themselves with praise but often stumble when it comes to genuinely complimenting others.
Now, this isn’t about keeping score on who compliments whom more. It’s about the ability to acknowledge and appreciate the qualities, achievements, or efforts of others without linking it back to oneself.
If your interactions with someone are barren of heartfelt compliments, or if their praise always somehow circles back to them, it’s a subtle sign of self-absorption.
After all, a kind word can mean the world to someone else, and being able to give that freely is a hallmark of an empathetic person.
7) They take more than they give
There was a time when I found myself constantly helping a friend out. Whenever he needed something, be it advice, a favor, or just someone to vent to, I was there. But when the tables turned, he was seldom available for me.
Relationships are about balance. They flourish on mutual respect and the understanding that both parties will support and uplift each other. But with self-absorbed individuals, this balance often tips.
They’re more inclined to take than give, be it time, resources, or emotional support. If you find yourself constantly giving and rarely receiving, it’s possible you’re dealing with a self-absorbed person.
A one-sided relationship can leave you feeling drained. It’s okay to expect reciprocity and to distance yourself if the balance isn’t there.
8) They’re overly competitive
A little friendly competition can be fun and motivating. It can push us to improve and strive for success. But when someone takes every opportunity to turn even the most mundane things into a contest, it might be a sign of self-absorption.
Self-absorbed individuals often have an intense need to win, to be the best, or to be recognized as superior. This can manifest in various ways, like always having the last word in a discussion, constantly one-upping others’ achievements, or turning casual activities into fierce competitions.
If you notice someone in your life who seems to be excessively competitive or always needs to “win,” it may be another subtle sign of their self-absorbed nature.
Life isn’t a race – it’s okay to enjoy things without turning them into a competition.
9) They lack self-awareness
Perhaps the most telling trait of a self-absorbed person is a lack of self-awareness. They often fail to recognize how their actions and behavior affect others. They may be oblivious to the fact that they dominate conversations, lack empathy, or take more than they give.
Without self-awareness, it’s challenging to grow and change. So if someone in your life displays the subtle behaviors we’ve discussed but seems entirely unaware of their impact, it’s a strong indicator of inherent self-absorption.
Remember, understanding is the first step towards growth. Recognizing these behaviors in others can help us navigate our relationships more effectively, and spotting them in ourselves can guide us towards becoming more empathetic and considerate individuals.
Final thoughts: It’s about understanding, not judging
Human behavior is a complex interplay of various factors, from genetics to environment, upbringing to experiences. Recognizing self-absorbed behaviors in someone isn’t about branding them as ‘bad’ or ‘wrong.’ It’s about understanding their world view and how it impacts their interactions.
For those who display these behaviors, it’s not necessarily intentional or malicious – it could be a defense mechanism or a result of their past experiences. And for those on the receiving end, understanding these behaviors can help navigate relationships with empathy and patience.
The renowned psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” So as we observe these traits in others, it may also hold up a mirror to our own behaviors.
So let’s strive for understanding, compassion, and self-awareness. After all, we’re all works in progress on this journey of life.
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