Eliza Hartley
Listening is an art, and not everyone masters it. Great listeners, however, have a skill set that sets them apart from the rest.
These individuals don’t just hear words, they understand, empathize, and respond in a way that makes you feel truly heard. They possess certain unique traits that make them stand out.
So, what are these traits? How can you identify a great listener?
In this article, I’ll be discussing “8 unique traits often exhibited by people who are great listeners”. Get ready to take some notes, this might help you become one of them!
1) They don’t interrupt
A key trait of exceptional listeners is their ability to let others speak without interruption.
We’ve all been in conversations where we’re barely halfway through a sentence and the other person jumps in with their thoughts. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
In contrast, a great listener will give you the time and space to express your thoughts fully. They understand that by interrupting, they risk missing out on important details or nuances in your story.
More than that, they respect your right to express yourself without being cut off midway. They value your words and ideas enough to hear them out completely.
So if you notice someone consistently allowing you to finish your thoughts without jumping in prematurely, chances are, you’ve got a great listener in front of you. And that’s a trait worth appreciating.
2) They show empathy
Empathy is another hallmark trait of a great listener, and it’s something I’ve personally experienced.
I remember a time when I was going through a particularly tough phase in my life. I was dealing with a lot of stress and uncertainty, feeling like I was stuck in a rut.
One day, I decided to open up to a friend about what I was feeling. She didn’t just listen to my words; she heard the pain behind them. She acknowledged my feelings, validated them and showed genuine care and concern. And she didn’t try to immediately fix the situation or offer unsolicited advice.
Instead, she said, “I can see that you’re really struggling right now, and that’s really tough. I’m here for you.”
That simple expression of empathy made me feel seen, understood, and less alone in my struggle. I felt lighter after our conversation, not because my problems were solved but because I felt truly heard.
This is what great listeners do – they empathize. They step into your shoes, feel your emotions and let you know that you’re not alone in your experience. This is a trait that sets them apart from the rest.
3) They notice non-verbal cues
While words carry a lot of weight, they don’t tell the whole story. A great deal of our communication is actually non-verbal.
In fact, studies show that up to 93% of our communication is based on non-verbal cues, including facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice.
Great listeners are attuned to these subtle signals. They pay attention to your body language, your eye contact, and the tone of your voice. They can sense when you’re uncomfortable, even if you’re saying everything’s fine. Or they may pick up on your excitement, even if you’re trying to play it cool.
This level of attentiveness allows them to better understand and connect with you on a deeper level. So if you’re talking to someone who seems to ‘get’ you without you having to spell everything out, they might just be a great listener.
4) They ask insightful questions
You know you’re talking to a great listener when they ask questions that show they’re not just hearing your words, but truly understanding them.
These aren’t generic questions like, “Really?” or “And then what happened?” They’re thoughtful, targeted questions that dig deeper into the heart of the matter. They ask questions that clarify, challenge, and expand on what you’ve shared.
For example, if you’re talking about a challenging project at work, a great listener might ask, “What’s the biggest hurdle you’re facing with this project?” or “How does this challenge make you feel?”
These insightful questions show that they’re engaged in the conversation and genuinely interested in understanding your perspective. It’s a clear sign that they’re not just passively absorbing your words, but actively participating in the conversation.
5) They maintain a non-judgmental attitude
One of the most comforting things about talking to a great listener is knowing that you’re in a judgment-free zone.
We all have moments in our lives where we’re not proud of our actions, or we’re wrestling with thoughts and feelings we’re not quite ready to admit out loud. In these moments, the fear of being judged can be paralyzing.
Great listeners, however, create a safe space for us to open up. They listen with an open mind and heart, without jumping to conclusions or making snap judgments.
They understand that everyone has their own journeys, makes mistakes, and has the capacity for change. They offer acceptance and understanding, which can be incredibly healing.
When you know you won’t be judged for your thoughts and feelings, you feel free to express yourself honestly and authentically. And that’s the kind of environment a great listener provides.
6) They stay present
In a world filled with distractions, being present is a gift. It’s something that great listeners excel at.
I recall a time when I was having dinner with a friend. I was sharing something deeply personal, something that was troubling me. Despite the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, she maintained eye contact, her focus never wavering.
She wasn’t checking her phone or looking around the room. She was there, with me, fully engaged in our conversation. Her unwavering presence made me feel valued. It communicated that my story mattered to her.
Great listeners understand that being present isn’t just about physically being there; it’s about mentally and emotionally engaging in the conversation. It’s about showing the other person that they have your undivided attention, and that their words are worth your time.
7) They offer feedback
Great listeners don’t just absorb information; they engage in the conversation by offering thoughtful feedback.
They might summarize what you’ve said to ensure they’ve understood it correctly, or share how your story makes them feel. They might also offer a fresh perspective or suggest a different approach to your problem, if it’s appropriate and welcomed.
This kind of feedback is invaluable. It shows that they’re actively processing what you’re saying and are invested in the conversation. It also helps you gain new insights, and feel heard and understood.
So next time you’re in a conversation, notice if the other person is offering constructive feedback. If they are, you’re likely dealing with a great listener.
8) They respect confidentiality
Trust is the cornerstone of any meaningful conversation. And nothing builds trust like knowing your words will be held in confidence.
Great listeners understand this. They respect the confidentiality of your story and guard it with integrity. They don’t gossip or share your private information with others.
This respect for confidentiality allows you to feel safe and secure in sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s an essential trait that sets great listeners apart, making your conversations with them a truly safe and trusted space.
Listening: A powerful tool for connection
The power of truly listening to another person cannot be overstated. It’s a skill that fosters understanding, empathy, and deep connections.
Each of these eight traits we’ve discussed paints a picture of an individual who doesn’t just hear words, but truly listens. They show empathy, they notice non-verbal cues, they ask insightful questions, they maintain a non-judgmental attitude, they stay present, they offer feedback and they respect confidentiality.
Imagine if we all strive to be such listeners. How much more connected and understood would we feel? How many misunderstandings could be avoided? How much deeper could our relationships become?
Listening is more than just a communication skill; it’s a tool for building bridges of understanding between people. It’s an act of respect, empathy, and love.
As psychiatrist Karl A. Menninger once said, “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force… When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
So as we end this piece, let’s reflect on our own listening skills. Are we truly listening to the people around us? And if not, how can we improve? Because in the end, the art of listening is one worth mastering.
