Leila El-Dean
Some people in life like to keep their cards close to their chest. They’re an enigma – a complete and utter mystery.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that.
But this makes it difficult to know what they really think (and feel) when they compliment you on that outfit, offer help, or wish you luck.
Especially when they say it with a smile.
So, how can you tell if that “kind person” you’re talking with is truly sincere or simply being polite?
Well, people who are genuinely kind and empathetic never display these six behaviors. So, if you recognize any of these telltale signs, watch out…
They’re not as good-natured (or selfless) as they’d lead you to believe.
1) Downplaying your emotions
Picture this…
Your car broke down, you got chewed out by the boss, and the cat was sick in your shoes (yet again).
Let’s just say, you’ve had a tough week.
Of course, in the grand scheme of things, it could be a lot worse. You know that, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid.
It’s got you feeling down, and that’s what matters.
Most caring people understand this and relate to your situation, even if they don’t personally resonate with it.
They may even offer to help or (at the very least) lend an ear to vent all your problems to.
Basically, whatever you need to get back on form.
But the same can’t be said for everyone. Instead, these individuals downplay or minimize your issues and make it all about them.
That’s because they’re not genuinely kind.
And when someone lacks empathy, they may struggle to put themselves in your shoes. Something that makes it difficult for them to appreciate what you’re going through and show compassion.
Not only that.
But they’re incapable of holding back when it comes to judgment and criticism, which ties in nicely with the next point on this list.
2) Judging first, asking questions later
I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying “Never judge a book by its cover.” Well, genuinely kind and empathetic individuals take this to a whole new level.
In other words, they like to keep an open mind (and heart).
And because they’re empathetic, they recognize that everyone has their own unique experiences, perspectives, and challenges.
Instead, they prefer to look at the whole picture.
That’s why they never make snap judgments without knowing all the facts first.
Even then, they take the time to listen, learn, and empathize with others before forming an opinion – regardless of someone’s social status or background.
3) Using manipulation to get what they want
Let me ask you this…
Have you ever met a genuinely kind person who uses manipulation to get what they want?
No. Of course, not.
Guilt trips, coercion, and gaslighting – all these dirty tactics purely aren’t in their repertoire.
In fact, it goes against their very nature.
To them, this sort of behavior is deceitful and not very kind or authentic of them.
Not to mention, it’s just plain mean.
Instead, they prefer to cultivate heartfelt connections based on honesty, mutual trust, respect, and understanding.
4) Monopolizing the conversation
You’re at a work party when suddenly Susan from HR comes stumbling over and starts telling you all about her vacation in the Maldives.
Followed by a detailed rundown of her day, week, and year (so far) together with each and every footnote.
What’s more, she’s speaking so fast, that it’s difficult to get a word in – never mind respond. Honestly, once she gets going, she can spit more bars than Machine Gun Kelly.
Here’s the thing.
She loves being the center of attention, even if that means monopolizing the conversation. Likewise, she has a talent for making everything about her.
But that’s not all.
She didn’t even notice that you were already talking to Mike from accounts. It’s like she’s oblivious to her surroundings or maybe she simply doesn’t care.
The truth is, that Susan is a little self-centered.
And because of that, she’s missing some key social cues, along with a good dose of empathy.
In contrast…
Genuinely kind and empathetic individuals prioritize the needs and well-being of others without allowing self-centeredness to cloud their interactions.
Mostly, they understand that communication is a two-way street.
That’s why they never indulge in validation-seeking behavior by greedily hogging the limelight. Preferring instead to actively listen to others by paying attention and asking open-ended, follow-up questions.
Furthermore, they’ll never interrupt, cast judgment, or appear impatient (fidget) when someone else is speaking.
5) Violating people’s boundaries
Boundaries, we all have them or at least, we should do.
Whether it’s with friends, family, coworkers, or a complete and utter stranger, they help protect us.
The truth is.
They’re an important part of self-care and building meaningful connections.
Not forgetting trust.
In short, they let people know what’s okay and what’s not.
So, when it comes to healthy boundaries (e.g. personal space, autonomy, or consent), genuinely kind and empathetic individuals will do their best to honor them.
All to ensure that you feel safe, respected, and at ease.
Additionally, they do this without imposing their own beliefs, values, or expectations onto others. Because at the end of the day, they sincerely care about you and your well-being.
6) Commoditizing acts of kindness
Serious question here…
Have you ever done someone a favor only to hold it over their head later?
No?
Then, you’re probably a genuinely kind person.
That’s right.
True altruistic acts shouldn’t have strings or a catch attached. You do it because it’s the right thing to do and not because you expect a reward in return.
It’s from the heart.
However, some people out there constantly think to themselves “What’s in it for me?”
But what these individuals fail to understand is that genuine kindness is unconditional and boundless. Something that comes from a place of genuine care, compassion, and empathy.
It’s not selective or transactional.
And if you or anyone you know displays these six behaviors, they’re not genuinely kind or empathetic.
In fact, they’re completely missing the point and it might be time for some serious introspection to reflect on the reason why.
