Leila El-Dean
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life…
It’s that things aren’t always as they seem! (It’s full of surprises).
And those people who appear happy, content, and successful can sometimes be the ones who need our support the most.
Social media doesn’t help.
There’s so much pressure for people to be positive and broadcast how great their life is.
After all, nobody wants to be around a Debbie downer.
This means people tend to hide all the negative stuff away.
But look closely, and you’ll see the cracks.
Let’s discuss some big giveaways, that can suggest someone is frustrated with life (and hides it well).
1) Love to escape
Escapism behavior is super common among people with deep-rooted issues.
It can be anything that distracts them from their troublesome reality.
From video games, excessive porn, and junk food, to more positive escapes like an obsession with fitness or learning a new hobby.
The biggest of them all?
Alcohol.
Don’t get me wrong. We all like the occasional drink.
But people who want to get off their head every single weekend, are drinking to escape.
You probably know someone like this.
Picture the scene. It’s 2am and the party is winding down. But, there’s that one guy who is just warming up. He’s pouring more drinks and becoming more and more obnoxious in the process.
It’s partly genetic.
But it can also be a sign that they don’t want to return to reality (and all the problems associated with it).
If you suspect someone you know has a drinking problem, you should persuade them to get professional help. This escapism behavior is a temporary fix, not a long-term solution. They’ll wake up in the morning and all their problems will still be there (plus a stonking hangover to boot).
2) Develop toxic positivity
We’re told to stay positive.
Chin up, soldier. It could be worse.
It’s a social norm.
And while optimism and a positive mindset are generally beneficial for most people, for some it can get out of hand.
Especially if they have serious depression or frustrations in their life.
This is called toxic positivity, and it’s not easy to spot.
It involves putting on an overly positive facade and brushing any problems under the carpet.
The issue is, that it fails to deal with the underlying cause (assuming you can just magically wish your worries away).
But burying your head in the sand and pretending everything is fine and dandy isn’t a great solution (if you ask me).
It can lead to a reluctance to talk about your problems.
And even create a state of denial.
This leads to our next point.
3) Become a closed book
If someone is unhappy about their life, they’re probably ashamed to admit it.
It can feel embarrassing and perhaps they want to maintain a level of pride. They might also think it looks weak and pathetic.
The bad news is…
All this can result in stonewalling and deflecting behavior.
In other words, refusing to discuss the elephant in the room (their mental health) with anyone.
A big clue that someone is hiding something, is if they always change subject when you get too close, blame someone else, or make light of the situation.
In fact, making a joke out of it is pretty typical. After all, it’s comfortable to hide behind a wall of humor and nervous laughter.
4) Have a messed up sleep schedule
Have you ever noticed someone constantly complain about being tired?
Maybe they’re regularly buying new mattresses, pillows, or electric blankets to get that perfect night’s sleep.
Here’s the thing.
It’s not the mattress, it’s them.
Sleep deprivation is pretty common. Around 70 million Americans have an ongoing sleep disorder. It’s often due to stress, anxiety, and having an overactive mind.
We’ve all been there.
You close your eyes, but can’t stop thinking about that embarrassing moment in the office. Or maybe you worry about how you’re going to pay that electric bill.
A consistent lack of sleep is a big clue that someone is frustrated with their life.
5) Become jaded and cynical (lack passion)
Here’s something to try.
Ask this question: “What do you do for fun?”
If it’s difficult to answer, deep down they might be struggling.
Like a duck swimming across a lake. On the surface, they seem calm and collected, but underwater, their feet are going at a million miles per hour just to survive.
I’m talking about lacking passion (in anything).
Which in turn, often leads to an overwhelming level of cynicism and negativity.
It might not be obvious at first (people can be pretty good at hiding their true feelings).
But after a drink (or on the rare occasion they let their guard down) they let it all out.
A barrage of how terrible the world is, how awful people are, and how everything in life is boring for them.
This is especially telling if they’re on a downward trajectory.
In other words, they used to have a bunch of exciting hobbies, just not anymore.
6) Struggle to stay in the moment
Finally, this one just about sums everything up.
It’s the ability to be present.
I’m talking about being in the moment, relaxed, actively listening to those around you, and enjoying their company.
Preferably without drugs or alcohol!
This isn’t a new idea. Stoics like Marcus Aurelius were discussing the importance of being in the moment, thousands of years ago.
The basic idea is that you can’t control the past and you don’t know what will happen in the future, so don’t waste your energy worrying about it.
The present moment is all you can really control. Focus on that.
More recently, the concept of a flow state has been discussed.
This is when you’re completely immersed in an activity. Time flies by while you’re in this almost meditative state.
100% focused on the task at hand.
People who are frustrated with their lives find it more difficult to stay in the present and experience these flow states. They’re preoccupied with past mistakes or future anxieties.
Meditation, mindfulness, and open communication are a good place to start in dealing with some of the issues discussed.
