Eliza Hartley
Selfishness can have a profound effect on our relationships and interactions. Sometimes, those who are deeply selfish don’t even realize the toxic behaviors they exhibit.
These behaviors often stem from a need to satisfy one’s own desires, without considering the impact on others. What’s worse, these individuals might not even be aware of the negative effects they’re causing.
In this article, we’ll be exploring the eight toxic behaviors commonly shown by deeply selfish people, often without them realizing it at all. These insights will help you identify and deal with such behaviors in your personal or professional life.
1) Me first, always
Selfish individuals are notorious for putting their needs and desires above everyone else’s.
This “me first, always” mentality can manifest in many ways. Whether it’s about getting the best piece of cake, bagging the most comfortable chair, or prioritizing their own tasks over helping others — the underlying principle remains the same.
The world, in their eyes, revolves around them. Their needs, their wants, and their happiness are paramount. They often fail to understand that this behavior can come off as rude and disrespectful to others around them.
This blatant disregard for others’ feelings and well-being is one of the most telling signs of deep-seated selfishness. Remarkably, many people displaying this behavior are oblivious to its toxic nature and its negative impact on their relationships.
2) Lack of empathy
One of the most alarming signs I’ve personally witnessed in deeply selfish people is their lack of empathy.
I remember an old friend of mine, who always seemed to be incapable of understanding others’ feelings or perspectives. Once, when another friend was going through a tough break-up, instead of offering a shoulder to lean on, she turned the conversation towards her own problems.
She seemed oblivious to the emotional pain our friend was going through and was more interested in discussing her latest shopping spree. This blatant disregard for others’ feelings and inability to empathize is a classic sign of deep-rooted selfishness.
The sad part? She didn’t even realize how her behavior came across. This lack of empathy, often unnoticed by the person exhibiting it, can be incredibly damaging to their relationships without them realizing it.
3) Difficulty in sharing
Sharing is a fundamental aspect of human interaction. It’s a way we show care, bond with others, and cultivate healthy relationships.
But for deeply selfish people, sharing can be a real struggle. They have a hard time parting with their possessions or time, even when it doesn’t cost them much.
Interestingly, research suggests that the ability to share develops as early as toddlerhood. Kids who don’t learn to share at this critical age often grow up having difficulties sharing as adults.
This reluctance to share, whether it’s their belongings or their time, is another toxic behavior often seen in deeply selfish individuals. And the worst part? They often don’t even realize they’re doing it.
4) Ignoring others’ needs
Deeply selfish individuals tend to be blind to others’ needs. They operate on the principle of “out of sight, out of mind”. If a situation doesn’t directly impact them, they often ignore it.
For instance, they might plan a group activity without considering everyone’s schedule or preferences. Or, they might make decisions that suit their convenience, without considering how it affects others.
This behavior stems from a lack of consideration and empathy. And while it’s incredibly toxic and damaging, these individuals often do it without even realizing how selfish they’re being. Their lack of awareness doesn’t reduce the negative impact their behavior can have on those around them.
5) Inability to apologize
Saying “I’m sorry” can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. It requires humility, empathy, and a willingness to admit one’s mistakes.
For deeply selfish people, these attributes are often lacking. They struggle with apologizing, primarily because it requires acknowledging they were wrong or at fault — a concept they find hard to accept.
Their pride and self-centeredness make it difficult for them to see beyond their perspective. As a result, instead of apologizing for their mistakes, they justify their actions or blame others.
This inability to apologize can strain relationships and create discontent among their peers. Tragically, they often don’t understand the gravity of their actions and how much an earnest apology can mean to those they’ve wronged.
6) Never being content with what they have
I’ve seen instances where deeply selfish people find it hard to be content with what they have. There’s always something more they desire, something better they believe they deserve.
It reminds me of a time when I felt a similar way. Despite having a comfortable life, I would often find myself longing for more, feeling dissatisfied with what I had. It was only when I took a step back to appreciate the blessings in my life that I found true contentment.
This constant chase for more can make deeply selfish people overlook the good in their lives. They become blind to their blessings and are left perpetually unhappy, always wanting more. The sad part? They often don’t realize that this constant dissatisfaction is a manifestation of their deep-seated selfishness.
7) Always playing the victim
Playing the victim is another common behavior exhibited by deeply selfish people. They have a knack for turning every situation around to make it about themselves, often portraying themselves as the victim.
This behavior allows them to manipulate situations and people to their advantage. It shifts the focus from their wrongdoings or shortcomings onto their supposed suffering. It’s a crafty way of avoiding responsibility for their actions.
The irony is, they often don’t see this behavior as selfish. They genuinely believe they’re the victims, failing to see how they’re manipulating situations and people around them. This lack of self-awareness makes this toxic behavior all the more dangerous.
8) Lack of genuine gratitude
The most profound sign of deep-seated selfishness is a lack of genuine gratitude. Selfish individuals often take people and their kindness for granted. They fail to express sincere appreciation for the efforts others make on their behalf.
This ingratitude is not just about failing to say “thank you”. It’s about not recognizing the value of what others do for them. This lack of appreciation can hurt relationships and create a toxic environment.
The saddest part? They often don’t realize how their lack of gratitude affects those around them.
Final thoughts: It might not be intentional
Exploring the labyrinth of human behavior, it’s essential to remember that deeply selfish people often don’t realize their toxic behaviors.
This lack of self-awareness doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it does offer a different perspective. It presents an opportunity for understanding and, possibly, change.
Consider the renowned quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change”. This wisdom may offer a pathway to dealing with deeply selfish individuals in our lives.
Recognizing these behaviors in others or ourselves is the first step. The next step is fostering a willingness to change, to grow.
After all, everyone deserves the opportunity to become a better version of themselves. And sometimes, all it takes is a nudge in the right direction.
