Ava Sinclair
There’s a world of difference between being selfish and being self-aware.
Often, the most selfish among us are completely oblivious to their own behavior.
They’re not trying to be hurtful or inconsiderate, they just don’t realize the impact of their actions on others.
Being selfish is about prioritizing one’s own needs and desires above anyone else’s.
But when you aren’t aware of this tendency, it can lead to destructive and toxic patterns that harm your relationships and personal growth.
This article will reveal seven tell-tale behaviors that deeply selfish people often display, without even realizing it.
Take note – you might just recognize a few in yourself or in people you know.
1) Me, myself and I
We all know that person who loves talking about themselves.
In every conversation, they somehow manage to steer the topic back to their own experiences, achievements or problems.
This is a classic sign of deep-seated selfishness, though the person themselves may not even realize it.
They’re not trying to dominate the conversation on purpose – they just genuinely believe that their stories are the most interesting or important.
While it’s perfectly normal to share personal details in a conversation, it becomes a problem when there’s no balance.
If someone consistently talks more about themselves than they listen to others, it’s a clear sign they’re prioritizing their own needs and desires above anyone else’s.
2) The one-way street
I remember an old friend who seemed to only reach out when they needed something.
Whether it was a ride to the airport, help with moving or just advice on a personal issue, their calls always came with a request attached.
At first, I thought nothing of it. We all need help from time to time, right? But then I noticed a pattern.
This friend was always quick to ask for favors, but rarely available to return them.
When I needed support, they were often too busy or simply unresponsive.
This type of behavior is another common sign of deep-seated selfishness.
People who consistently take more than they give in their relationships may not realize the imbalance they’re creating.
But over time, this one-sided dynamic can strain even the strongest friendships.
3) The blame game
The human brain is wired to protect itself from harm, and this includes psychological harm.
One way it does this is by externalizing blame.
When things go wrong, it’s easier to point fingers at others than to accept our own mistakes.
However, individuals who are deeply selfish often take this to another level.
They have a knack for twisting situations around so they’re never at fault.
In their eyes, it’s always someone else who messed up or caused the problem.
Psychologists call this “defensive attribution”, where people tend to overemphasize other’s role in negative outcomes while downplaying their own responsibility.
This not only shields them from blame but also from the discomfort of introspection and self-improvement.
4) Lack of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s a key component of emotional intelligence and a cornerstone of healthy relationships.
However, those who are deeply selfish often struggle with this. They find it hard to put themselves in another person’s shoes or to consider how their actions might affect others.
This isn’t because they’re bad people or lack compassion – they’re just so focused on their own needs and desires that they overlook those of others.
This lack of empathy often manifests as insensitivity or dismissiveness towards other people’s feelings.
They might brush off your problems, change the subject or even belittle your emotions.
If you notice this behavior in someone, it could be a red flag that they’re more self-centered than they realize.
It’s crucial to address this issue, not only for the sake of your relationship with them but for their personal growth as well.
5) The spotlight seeker
I recall being part of a team project in college where one member always seemed to take the center stage.
No matter how much effort we all put in, he was the one presenting our work, taking the lead in meetings, and receiving most of the praise.
Over time, it became clear that he wasn’t just passionate about the project.
He craved recognition and validation to a point where he overshadowed everyone else’s contributions.
This is another behavior often exhibited by deeply selfish individuals.
They crave validation and attention so much that they constantly seek the spotlight, sometimes at the expense of others.
6) Selective generosity
Generosity is admirable, but not when it’s selective or conditional.
Some deeply selfish people are often generous, but only when it benefits them in some way.
They might donate to a cause but ensure everyone knows about it. Or they might help someone, but then use that favor as leverage in the future.
This kind of behavior turns acts of kindness into transactions, and it’s a sign of hidden selfishness.
True generosity is giving without expecting anything in return.
It’s doing something nice for someone else simply because you want to help, not because you want to boost your image or have an upper hand in the future.
7) Emotional manipulation
The most harmful, yet often overlooked, sign of deep-seated selfishness is emotional manipulation.
This behavior involves using others’ emotions to serve personal interests. It can take many forms, like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing the victim.
Emotional manipulators often exploit the empathy and kindness of those around them for their own benefit.
They may not even realize they’re doing it, but the effects on their relationships can be devastating.
Emotional manipulation is not just selfish; it’s destructive and abusive.
Final thought: It’s about awareness
The complexity of human behavior is vast and often rooted in our unconscious mind.
This is especially true for deep-seated selfishness.
Psychologists suggest that many people who display selfish behaviors are not innately bad or malicious.
They’re simply unaware of the impact their actions have on others. It’s a blind spot in their self-perception, deeply ingrained and often difficult to recognize.
Selfishness can be unlearned. It begins with acknowledgment, followed by a conscious effort to change.
So, as we journey through life, let’s strive for self-awareness and empathy.
Let’s challenge our behavioral patterns and strive to treat others as we’d like to be treated. After all, change begins with a single step of recognition.
