People who are bored in their relationship but won’t admit it usually display these 12 behaviors

Love is always a risk:

You give your heart to somebody and they do the same. You form a partnership and as a result you make yourself vulnerable to being hurt, let down or betrayed. 

We’re all aware of the dramatic downsides and dangers of love and relationships, but what about the following common situation: 

It’s not that something bad happens. It’s that nothing happens. 

You’re committed to somebody and in a relationship only to find out that you’re quite simply very bored being with them.

You’re bored emotionally, bored physically, bored spiritually. You just feel no strong interest in what you have with this person. 

If that sounds like something you’ve struggled with or that your friend might be going through, you’re not alone. 

Let’s dive into the signs that show people are bored in their relationship but trying not to admit it. 

1) Prioritization of pedestrian daily details and discussions

People who are bored in their relationship often start focusing on boring daily details. 

The trivial becomes a daily topic, and going over the granular details of pragmatic things is the name of the game. 

They increasingly talk about practical things with their partner almost like they are running a business or solving a crossword puzzle. 

It’s just about who has time to take the kids to ballet and what’s for dinner. But in detail and with frequent digressions into unnecessary and specific details and tangents. 

Over and over. 

2) Getting wrapped up in hobbies and personal projects

Those who are hiding from how bored they are in a relationship often immerse themselves in hobbies or projects as a way to distract themselves.

They don’t want to really face their relationship dissatisfaction, so they dive into hobbies and personal projects in a huge way.

It could be athletic, artistic, even religious or spiritual exploration: 

Whatever the hobby or personal project, they’re busy jumping into something new almost every week. 

3) Looking for adrenaline boosts and thrills outside the relationship

They actively seek out adrenaline-inducing activities or experiences outside the relationship:

From bungee jumping to an “epic party” or getting high-risk assignments at work that gain them respect and prominence, they’re out hunting for dopamine hits. 

They want to feel like they’re really living in a way that the relationship isn’t providing, but they don’t want to face that it may not be the right relationship to be committed to, because they also fear being alone

So instead of facing the lack of engagement they feel with their partner, they simply try to find it somewhere else. 

Whatever makes them feel alive. 

This also ties into the next point:

4) Looking for outside recognition and accolades

Those who feel bored in their relationships often turn to work to fill the hole they feel inside. 

They try to get promotions and move up the corporate ladder, seeking out new challenges and opportunities whenever possible. 

They crave recognition and excitement at work and begin treating their workplace as a kind of family:

This wouldn’t necessarily be a negative thing, except that they tend to take it too far, becoming a workaholic and relegating the relationship to a secondary, unimportant “file” that they barely pay attention to. 

5) Engaging in fantasy escapism and sexual adventurism

Those who are bored but don’t want to say it often escape into fantasies about idealized relationships or scenarios.

Things like getting very into epic love films or trying out extended roleplaying fantasies and other sexual kinks are two sides of the same coin:

They want to feel a real spark, physically or emotionally. Whatever will prove that they’re not bored and that they are in the relationship they want to be in. 

So they keep pushing the boundaries hoping that some excitement will come back or suddenly occur. 

6) Getting lost in nostalgia and the good old days 

They also frequently reminisce about the early days of their relationship or past experiences, looking at old photos or listening to music from the early days of dating and getting lost in it. 

They idealize those moments as a way to escape their current boredom and feel like they’re still in love.

Because they want to run away from the small, quiet voice inside that says whatever love they had doesn’t seem to be very present anymore. 

7) Overcompensating with grand gestures and romantic idealism

Those who aren’t feeling it but don’t want to face it, will often overcompensate for their boredom by showering their partner with grand gestures or gifts.

They hope that doing what they “should” do will pump the relationship back up into a healthy state and lead to real excitement. 

Maybe if they treat the relationship the way they would if they were very in love and excited, that reality will manifest once again. 

8) Emotional detachment and hyper-rationalism 

On the flip side of grand gestures and trying to do grand romantic gestures comes emotional detachment

They exhibit emotional detachment or aloofness towards their partner, creating distance as a way to avoid confronting their boredom directly.

They become quite removed and neutral, insisting that nothing is wrong but avoiding physical touch and deeper conversation. 

They rationalize to themselves and their partner that everything is fine and hope that eventually this lie will come true. 

9) Digital and entertainment addiction and binge-watching

They indulge in excessive consumption of media, such as binge-watching TV shows or constantly scrolling through social media.

They hope this will help them escape from their relationship dissatisfaction and feel some connection, even if it is just online. 

This may also take the form of flirtatious social media interactions, excessive pornography consumption and spending all their free time on their computer. 

If they binge until they’re asleep, eventually the feeling of boredom with the relationship will get lost. That’s what they hope, anyway. 

10) Hard-to-explain feelings of restlessness and irritability 

They often exhibit unexplained irritability or restlessness in their interactions with their partner and aren’t quite sure why. 

There’s just something about the way their partner looks, talks, acts, feels around them that annoys them. 

This is often due to underlying frustration with the relationship dynamic.

They feel bored and want out of the relationship, but they don’t have the courage to be honest about that or be honest about how down they feel. 

So that internalized frustration turns into irritation at their partner. 

11) Criticizing and deconstructing their partner’s every move

Those who aren’t feeling the relationship anymore often become overly critical of their partner’s choices or actions.

They find themselves nitpicking at seemingly minor issues and feeling annoyed by everything their partner does (and doesn’t do). 

They convince themselves that if their partner would just improve and become more self-aware, this relationship could be remedied and improved

But they don’t face that their hyper-critical feeling towards their partner is actually a reflection of their underlying discontent more so than any real specific thing. 

12) Shirking discussions and future planning

They avoid discussions or planning for the future with their partner.

They often have practical reasons why they can’t really get into future discussions right now or why it’s just “not the time.”

The thought of future plans doesn’t fill them with real excitement, but they convince themselves that it’s just the stress of the topic of the future making them feel down, not the specific relationship. 

They’re just too busy and now isn’t the time to plan the future. 

But under that excuse is a reluctance to commit to long-term plans when they’re unsure about the longevity of the relationship.

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