Ethan Sterling
For better or worse, many humans tend to value obedience and conformity.
The latter is especially true when we’re young.
During our formative years, being different, and too independent, is often viewed as “weird”, undesirable, or even threatening, in certain cases.
This sentiment tends to change somewhat with time.
As people grow, being different becomes a bit more acceptable.
Soon, you’ll even find like-minded people who can appreciate your individuality rather than shun it.
Regardless, growing up never fitting in and feeling like an outsider will typically have a lasting effect on your personality.
Whether you accept it or not, your experiences growing up define who you are, and who you will eventually be.
In this article, I’ll take you through the traits that people who grew up outsiders develop later in life.
Let’s get to it!
1) Empathy and compassion
It hurts to feel excluded, particularly when you’re still a youngster in the process of finding yourself and developing an identity.
While people who grew up popular and accepted may act oblivious, unable to relate, people who grew up outsiders know first-hand how painful the struggle of trying to fit in can be.
This naturally makes them more empathetic and compassionate.
Maybe they’ll see themselves in younger people going through similar social or emotional battles, and thus be able to give them advice and comfort, striving to make them feel included.
For most people, after having experienced something traumatic, the tendency is to help those they perceive to be in need.
Having experienced life from the outside, they tend to be more open to different perspectives and are less likely to judge others quickly–a rare trait in life.
2) Independence
Being a bit of a lone wolf growing up, you naturally become more self-sufficient than the rest.
I know people who can’t stand to be alone for more than a few minutes.
The solitude overwhelms them, and they soon find themselves frantically texting or calling for company.
To each their own; but if you’re overly dependent on others for comfort and satisfaction, this can be potentially concerning down the line.
If you grew up being an outsider, however, you’ve already learned not to rely on anyone but yourself–quite an asset in life.
You’re able to take care of yourself, and trust in your own decisions and goals, rather than requiring external validation and approval.
Your independence ultimately boils down to a strong sense and awareness of self.
Unlike people who constantly want to fit in and follow trends almost blindly, you know who you are and what you stand for on a fundamental level.
3) Adaptability
I’m proud to admit it: I grew up a bit of an outsider, someone who never genuinely fit in.
Like most high schools, the people in mine divided themselves into different, stereotypical groups: the jocks, the nerds, the preppy kids with trust funds, the musicians, and so on.
While I had made some decent bonds, I could never get myself to confine myself to being in one group like the rest of them did.
The predictability of being with the same people day after day didn’t appeal to me.
I wanted more.
Naturally, this made me both feel and appear to others like an outsider, something I was once ashamed of, but now I fully embrace.
Today, well into their thirties, the people in my high school still stick with each other with the same fervor they did fifteen years ago, barely branching out.
This is fine, but it limits their adaptability… and their ability to blend in in different settings.
By focusing all their social energy on a few people, getting to know people from fresh walks of life and new environments, and genuinely creating new bonds, can be a challenge.
Go figure.
Outsiders didn’t have much of a social safety net to fall back on, which naturally makes them highly adaptable.
4) Observation skills
As an outsider, you’re always more of an onlooker than the center of attention.
You’re on the sidelines, the periphery, keenly watching and observing the action rather than participating like everyone else.
The silver lining of these missed opportunities is that, by being a spectator, you develop sharp observational skills, perhaps noticing the minute and obscure details that others tend to miss.
Being observant, you gain more insight into people and social dynamics.
Being observant allows you to see things from a unique perspective, which can lead to high levels of creativity and originality.
Think of the great creative innovators in history from Hemingway to Bob Dylan to Picasso… almost all of them were keen observers of the life around them.
Almost all of them struggled to fit in at some point in their life.
Keep observing.
Keep thinking outside the box, seeing things for what they are, and coming up with solutions, rather than be excessively caught up like the rest of the crowd.
The world is a better place for it.
5) Resilience and determination
I know… Being the solitary, lone wolf in a society of conformity and herd mindsets might seem glamorous to some, but at its core, it can be a relatively painful experience.
Not many of us truly want to be alone for prolonged periods, but many of us adapt and respond.
Facing the adversity of being on the social fringes, particularly at a young age, can be extremely character-building; it can build resilience and determination in large doses.
In the inevitable tough situations of life, resilient people almost always bounce back, taking care of themselves without having to truly rely on anyone else.
Forget high school, resilience, and determination will take you far for the rest of your life, driving you to consistently succeed and prove your worth, despite past exclusions.
Sometimes, having a chip on your shoulder can be a good thing.
