Lachlan Brown
I have a close friend who, no matter what happens in her life, always seems to be unhappy.
She can land a new job, go on an amazing vacation, or be surrounded by friends and family, yet there’s this constant underlying sense of dissatisfaction.
I’ve watched her struggle with this for years, and no matter how many positive things happen, she just can’t shake the feeling that something is missing.
Over time, I realized that there are certain behaviors she unknowingly exhibits that keep her trapped in this cycle of unhappiness.
They’re subtle at first, but after observing them, it became clear that these habits are playing a huge role in how she feels.
In this article, I’m sharing the eight behaviors I’ve noticed in my friend—behaviors that often go unnoticed but can quietly prevent anyone from feeling truly content.
Understanding these patterns could be the first step toward breaking free from that cloud of discontent.
1) Constant comparison
In the quest for happiness, people often overlook their own achievements, focusing instead on what others have accomplished.
This common behavior, known as constant comparison, is a subtle thief of joy that’s frequently seen in individuals who always feel unhappy, no matter what.
The world of social media amplifies this effect with its endless stream of others’ highlights. It’s easy to feel inadequate when scrolling through pictures of seemingly perfect lives.
What these people often fail to realize is that everyone’s journey is different and unique. Comparing oneself to others is a futile exercise that only breeds discontent and unhappiness.
If you find yourself constantly comparing your life with others, it’s time to take a step back and appreciate your own path and progress. After all, happiness lies in enjoying your journey, not in reaching someone else’s destination.
2) Neglecting self-care
I remember a time in my life when I was constantly feeling down and nothing seemed to bring any joy.
It was a stressful period and I was working long hours, skipping meals, and barely getting any sleep.
Looking back, it’s clear that I was neglecting my self-care. I was so consumed with work and responsibilities that I completely overlooked the importance of taking care of my physical and mental well-being.
I’ve learned since then that no matter how busy life gets, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care.
This could mean different things for different people – it could be:
- A five minute meditation in the morning
- A quick workout session
- A healthy meal
- Getting enough sleep
Neglecting self-care is a common behavior exhibited by people who feel perpetually unhappy. They often forget that happiness starts from within and that taking care of one’s self is the first step towards achieving true contentment.
3) Overcomplicating life
The human brain is a complex entity. It’s capable of solving intricate problems, creating beautiful art, and understanding deep philosophical concepts.
But one of its quirks is that it tends to overcomplicate things, even when they’re relatively simple.
People who often feel unhappy are prone to this tendency. They may take a simple situation and spin it into a web of what-ifs, maybes, and worst-case scenarios.
This behavior not only makes life unnecessarily complicated, but it also breeds anxiety and dissatisfaction.
In reality, most of life’s problems are simpler than they appear. The key is to simplify our thoughts, declutter our minds, and focus on the essentials.
4) Attachment to outcomes
Buddhism teaches us about the concept of non-attachment, the idea of not holding onto things, people, or outcomes too tightly.
Individuals who often feel unhappy have a tendency to attach their happiness to particular outcomes.
They set specific goals and believe that happiness lies in achieving them. If they fall short, they are devastated and their sense of self-worth takes a hit.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve deeper into the Buddhist teachings on non-attachment. I talk about how liberating it can be to focus on our actions, rather than the outcomes.
By doing so, we can free ourselves from the emotional turmoil that comes with unmet expectations and find contentment in the journey itself.
5) Living in the past or future
There was a time when I would constantly dwell on past mistakes, missed opportunities, and the things I should have done differently.
I also spent a lot of time worrying about the future – the uncertainties, the what-ifs, and the fear of things not turning out as planned.
It was exhausting.
What I didn’t realize then was that by constantly living in the past or future, I was robbing myself of the joy of the present moment.
This constant mental time travel not only kept me unhappy, but also prevented me from fully embracing and enjoying the now.
Living in the past or future is a common behavior among those who always feel unhappy. They’re so caught up in what was and what could be that they overlook what is.
But true happiness lies in living fully in the present, cherishing each moment as it comes.
6) Chasing happiness
It sounds counter-intuitive, but one of the things that can keep us from being happy is the very act of chasing happiness itself.
People who often feel unhappy are usually on a relentless pursuit of happiness.
They believe that they’ll be happy once they get that promotion, buy that car, or move to that new city. But once they achieve these goals, they find that the happiness they expected is fleeting and they set new goals to chase.
The problem with this pursuit is that it puts happiness into the future, always just out of reach. It turns happiness into a destination, rather than a journey.
In reality, true happiness isn’t something to be chased or achieved. It’s a state of being that comes from within, from appreciating what we have in the moment and finding joy in our everyday lives.
7) Avoiding discomfort
Life isn’t always comfortable, and that’s okay.
People who often feel unhappy tend to avoid discomfort at all costs. They shy away from difficult conversations, challenging situations, or anything that might bring them momentary pain or unease.
But dodging discomfort doesn’t lead to happiness. In fact, growth and learning often come from stepping out of our comfort zones and facing adversity head on.
Avoidance might provide temporary relief, but it also prevents personal growth and can result in a stagnant life.
Embracing discomfort, on the other hand, can lead to:
- Resilience
- Personal development
- A deeper sense of fulfillment and contentment in life
8) Ignoring personal values
Your personal values are the core of who you are. They’re your guiding principles, the beliefs that give your life meaning, purpose, and direction.
People who often feel unhappy have a tendency to ignore or compromise their personal values. They may do things they don’t believe in or follow paths that don’t align with their core values in order to fit in or please others.
But living in contradiction to your values can lead to a deep sense of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Happiness comes from being true to yourself, from living a life that’s in line with your personal values. When you honor your values, you honor yourself, and that breeds contentment and peace.
Final thoughts: It’s about self-awareness
Unhappiness doesn’t always stem from external circumstances—it’s often the result of habits and behaviors we don’t even realize are holding us back. These subtle patterns can keep us trapped in a cycle of dissatisfaction, even when things are going well around us.
The good news is that once we become aware of these behaviors, we can begin to make changes. By breaking free from these limiting habits, we open the door to a more fulfilling and content life.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I explore these concepts in greater depth. I delve into how Buddhist teachings can help one cultivate self-awareness and lead a more fulfilled life.
Each one of us has the potential to shape our own happiness. By breaking free from our limiting habits, we open the door to a more fulfilling and content life.
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.
