You don’t want to share your deepest, darkest secrets with a blabbermouth…and let me tell you this: a LOT of people are blabbermouths.
It takes a lot of self-discipline to shut up instead of sharing some juicy information.
That’s why you must be very careful who you share your secrets to.
If you want to know if you can trust someone with your secrets, pay attention to these 10 traits:
1) They hate people who share secrets
They abhor people who spread secrets, either because they can’t imagine breaking other people’s trust, either.
They find it incredibly disrespectful to share other people’s private lives—especially if it’s something very personal, and especially if they begged you not to share it with anyone.
But how can you know?
Perhaps you’ll hear them talk about it, say things like “Ugh, I hate people who gossip.”
But if not, simply open a topic about spreading secrets and gossip. If they say “OMG, I hate people who you can’t trust with your secrets!”, then they’re probably trustworthy.
2) Gossip bores them to death
A person who doesn’t find even the juiciest gossip interesting is definitely someone you can trust with your secrets.
They just don’t give a damn!
They don’t care so much about other people’s business, so there’s a very slim chance they’ll even open up about your life to others.
Be careful with people whose eyes light up whenever they hear gossip. They might say “I won’t tell, I promise”, but they’d always be tempted to share because they love talking about others.
3) They’re too busy with their life
Are they always preoccupied with work, or kids, or their travels? Are they spending most of their time on their passions?
They’re probably too busy to share your secrets. They might have even forgotten them a day after you told them about it.
They don’t want to go through the trouble of telling your story again and again, and to answer questions if there are any.
They’d really rather use their precious time on what truly matters to them. Well, not that you don’t matter, but they don’t think sharing your story to others is more important than expanding their lives.
4) They’re not so trusting of others
Perhaps they’ve shared a secret before and they got in big trouble and they told themselves “Never again!”
And this trauma has taught them a major life lesson—to never ever trust anyone with other people’s secrets.
So even if they’re very close to someone (say, it’s their spouse or child), they prefer to keep their mouth shut than to worry about them spreading secrets.
5) They’re not desperate to form bonds with others
Most of the time, we share gossip and secrets to create a bond— to get closer and more intimate with people.
If someone shares a very important secret to you, it makes you feel special. It’s like you’re part of a group where you have your own little world with your little secrets.
A person who’s most likely to keep a secret doesn’t find these types of bonds appealing at all.
They’d rather keep their distance, they’d rather be alone than to form “deep bonds” through gossip.
6) They value privacy
Do they knock before they enter?
Do they ask permission when necessary?
Do they know when to shut up and stop asking questions?
If they respect other people’s privacy so much, then they’re perhaps someone who’s good at keeping secrets.
After all, it’s something they truly value. They know how spreading secrets could be bad for someone so they’d rather zip their mouth than cause any harm.
7) They are highly empathetic
First of all, they know that it’s not easy to share secrets. It requires you to be vulnerable because you’ll likely be seen in an unflattering way.
So when someone shares about their partner cheating on them, they’d focus on how they can make the other person feel better. They wouldn’t think “Oh yes, another juicy story to tell my friends!”
And because they have empathy, they also make it a mission to protect the person telling the secret. One way to do that is to simply not share their secret to anyone.
8) They’re a person with integrity
A person who knows how to keep secrets is a person with integrity. And the interesting thing is that they usually come with other sets of traits.
Do they keep their promises? Are they honest? Are they reliable? Do they follow rules even if no one is looking?
If, when you examine how they live their life, you realize they’re a person with integrity, then they’re probably someone who can keep secrets.
9) They value friendships
If someone values your friendship, then they probably won’t do anything that could potentially ruin it.
Do they put effort into maintaining your friendship? Are they there when you need them the most? Do they express—directly or indirectly— how much they value you?
Then the probability of them sharing your secrets to others is very low. Unless, of course, they have a record of sharing secrets in the past.
10) They’re a little paranoid
Are they generally cautious? Are they what you can consider a worrywart?
Are they scared to do risky things because they’re scared of the consequences?
Then your secrets are likely safe with them.
They’d be worried sick about what you’ll do to them if you find out they share your secrets. They’d catastrophize and think “Oh no, what if I ruined her life forever?” or “Oh no, he will really hate me”.
Being able to keep secrets is something that only very few people are gifted with.
So if you can find most of the traits I mentioned in one person, then you got a keeper!
Make them feel appreciated for what they do and, of course, make sure you keep their secrets, too.