If other people don’t respect you, these 11 behaviors could be why

No matter how much you try, other people don’t treat you the way you deserve.

Perhaps they’re rude or dismissive. Maybe they even treat you like a bit of a joke, not to be taken seriously.

For whatever reason, you don’t feel valued, seen and heard.

But why?

Whilst you aren’t responsible for the way others behave, you may be doing a few things that are inadvertently losing others’ respect.

1) Your confidence is low

Staus is a weird thing.

Sure, sometimes it’s defined by how wealthy, attractive, or competent you are. But often it’s far more subtle than that.

Have you ever just met someone who instantly commands the room? Everyone seems to be eating out of the palm of their hand.

A lot of our status in life actually comes from our confidence.

When we walk in with our heads held high acting like we are somebody, others take notice.

When we act like we deserve someone else’s time, attention, and respect — people are more likely to think we do too.

Your lack of confidence could be giving out a low-status energy. And us humans are really good at tapping into the vibes that people send out.

Sadly, if deep down you believe you are “nobody” and undeserving, then some people may treat you as less.

Confidence isn’t a personality trait that you either have or don’t have. It’s a learned behavior. We can all build our confidence over time.

2) You’re trying too hard

When I was in high school, I really wanted to be liked.

Don’t we all?!

Popularity can feel like the be-all and end-all at that age. Even when we reach adulthood, we can still feel the pressure to try and “fit in”.

For a long time, I thought the best way to do that was to get into other people’s good books.

That meant really trying to be friendly, agreeable, fun, helpful, cool, etc.

But guess what?

It backfired. Because you can try too hard. And that’s what I was guilty of.

When we do so, we end up coming across as a bit desperate. Plus, it sort of loses sincerity, because you are less likely to simply be yourself.

And it puts others off.

Think of it this way:

When you come on too strong, it’s like being a salesperson who is just a bit too keen to make a sale.

You can almost smell the desperation, right?

And I’m guessing you’re less enthusiastic about buying from them because of it.

3) Sometimes you show yourself up

You get too drunk.

You make a scene.

You bring the drama wherever you go.

You act the fool and take things too far.

Others may see it as attention-seeking. Or they can just feel like you are a liability.

But whenever they have to carry you home after one too many, your dignity disappears, and so too does a bit of their respect for you.

You may see yourself as the typical class clown who is great at making everyone else around them laugh.

But it’s time to consider whether you are actually more like the court jester.


People are laughing at you and not with you.

4) You’re prone to uncontrolled emotional outbursts

Let me start off by making one thing clear:

There is nothing wrong with expressing emotions.

It takes strength and courage to give a voice to the things we feel. We should never bottle them up. It’s not healthy.

However, we all do need to learn to manage our emotions and find constructive outlets for them.

If you have zero control over them, they tend to come spilling out all over the place. And that can lead to some pretty undignified behaviors:

  • Angry shouting matches
  • Flying off the handle when you don’t get your own way
  • Crying hysterically in public

Again, this isn’t about being robotic or unfeeling.

But when we see someone who clearly has lost all grasp of self-awareness, we lose respect for them.

For example, just the other day, I saw two people who were screaming at each other at the top of their lungs over a parking space.

Unsurprisingly, after observing that scene, I didn’t particularly have a lot of respect for how either one had handled it.

5) You’re demanding in an entitled way

A so-called “Karen” in recent years has become a bit of a social media phenomenon.

It’s a reference to a certain type of person who exhibits a privileged attitude wherever they go.

They’ll quickly overreact at the slightest thing.

They make a fuss and draw attention to themselves.

They act as though they are suffering a huge injustice over the smallest inconvenience—like their soup being cold.

Entitlement often goes unnoticed by the person displaying it but is felt by those around them.

If you are constantly complaining and whinging, particularly about trivial stuff…don’t be surprised if others don’t take you as seriously as you’d like.

6) You can be a bit tactless

If others seem to be rude towards you and you can’t figure out why…

It’s always worth questioning how you may be coming across.

We all have different temperaments and ways of approaching others.

But if you have a very matter-of-fact way of talking, you could be accidentally rubbing people up the wrong way.

You may seem a bit blunt in your delivery. Perhaps you appear a little unapproachable or give off an unfriendly or cold vibe because of it.

Being direct and straightforward can be a good thing. I don’t tend to beat about the bush either. And I appreciate truthfulness in others.

But it’s important to be mindful of other’s feelings too, and remember to use tact as well as honesty.

7) Your words and actions don’t match up 

I’m going to use some of that straight-talking now and say:

Nobody likes a bullshitter.

Even if your natural charisma helps you to get away with it a little, it’s going to wear thin over time.

If people cannot trust you, it’s almost impossible to respect you.

Promises are a vow. When you give your word to someone, you shouldn’t break it lightly.

So if you:

  • Break promises all the time
  • Lie
  • Exaggerate
  • Cheat
  • Steal

Then, needless to say, others are not going to appreciate it!

8) You bad mouth others

Let’s be real for a moment:

There are very few of us who haven’t had a little moan about someone behind their back.

Gossiping isn’t always all bad. The truth is that most of us indulge from time to time.

It’s all part of living within societies. It’s just too tempting to have a chat about what other people are up to.

But malicious gossiping is quite another thing.

It comes across as unkind, judgemental, and untrustworthy.

It reflects far more on you than it does the other person.

Particularly if it’s a recurring habit — you come off as ungracious and downright mean.

When we speak ill of others, we’re not exactly showing our respect. So we shouldn’t be surprised if we don’t receive it either.

9) You blend into the background

You make yourself as small as possible.

Often this is linked to low self-esteem, and as a consequence, you may hide.

It’s like you don’t want to be seen, as you fear the judgment of others more than you crave their attention.

But sadly that also means it’s much harder to get to know the real you.

You keep your opinions to yourself. You barely speak up to contribute to a conversation. You prefer not to share your ideas.

In short, you are easy to overlook.

As you don’t particularly make your mark, people may be more dismissive of you.

There isn’t a magic fix. The antidote is building up your own self-respect and love. That way you can feel safe enough to share the real you.

10) When you screw up, you don’t own up to it

Here’s the funny thing:

Sometimes people worry they will lose others’ respect by revealing their flaws and imperfections.

But the opposite is true.

Being it takes courage, self-awareness, and accountability to hold your hands up and admit when you’ve messed up.

We admire that in others.

We don’t like it when people are pig-headed and stubborn. It’s frustrating when they act like they can do no wrong.

So every single time they blindly refuse to accept responsibility for their errors, it slowly chips away at our respect for them.

11)You’re acting like a doormat

Clear boundaries go hand in hand with respect.

That’s how we draw a line in the sand and make it known what we will and will not tolerate.

Even though boundaries often go unspoken, they still define how people treat us.

When your boundaries are weak, you may notice:

  • People take advantage of you
  • You often feel used or abused
  • People take, take, take from you and never give
  • You always say yes to people, even when you want to say no

It’s an unfortunate truth that some people will take advantage when they feel like they can.

Our boundaries are where we lay down the law to make sure that doesn’t happen.

And by doing so, we demand others’ respect.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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