Pearl Nash
In our world of dating apps, it might feel like finding a partner is mechanical and artificially manipulated.
But building an organic relationship with someone is possible.
You just need to learn how to not force a romantic relationship, but instead how to allow one to naturally come about.
1) Don’t force finding someone because you fear being single
So, you think you want to be in a romantic relationship?
First things first, ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship. The answer might be obvious to you or a little more unclear until you put pen to paper.
I suggest getting out your journal to look closely at your why.
Have a think about a few questions like:
- Are you craving intimacy?
- Do you fear being alone?
- Do you want someone to have experiences with?
- Do you want someone to bounce ideas off?
There are numerous reasons why you might want to be in a romantic relationship and there’s no need to feel bad about having these thoughts. Bringing awareness to your situation is important, so you can understand what’s driving your thoughts.
You’ll be able to clearly see what your motivations are.
If it comes up that you’re in a place of fear about being alone and you’re looking for someone to distract you from these feelings, the relationship won’t be an organic one. It will be forced.
Essentially, in this case, you’re looking for someone to specifically fill a void.
Writing for Your Tango, Jason Hairstone explains:
“It’s common for relationships to be contrived because most of us believe being single means something is missing from our lives. We obsessively look for what we consider a missing piece of ourselves.”
On the other hand, if you want to build an organic relationship, you need to already see yourself as complete and not in need of another person to make you whole.
It’s about being in a space where you think: ‘it would be great to meet someone who complements my life’ although you’re not thinking you must meet this person so you can feel whole.
You don’t perceive any lack. This is the first aspect you must bring awareness to if you want a relationship to come about in an organic way.
2) Embrace the flow of life
Following on from my last point, it’s not about forcing a relationship because you want it.
This goes against the organic, easy flow of life.
If you’re trying to swim against the tide, things will be hard… meanwhile, if you surf with the waves, you’ll enjoy the ride.
It’s the same logic that applies to trying to meet a romantic partner.
I personally suggest staying away from dating apps and allowing the natural rhythm of life to do its thing.
If you’re on a dating app and firing off hundreds of messages, you’ll a) be artificially trying to force a relationship to happen and becoming up against numerous people who aren’t interested, which might leave you feeling rejected and in a state of lack.
These aren’t the energies you want to be bringing to a new relationship.
You’ll be in a place of desperately seeking and in a low vibration, which puts out the wrong energy.
This is a principle of the Law of Attraction: if you’re putting out that you really, really want something, it’s not going to happen.
Instead, it’s about approaching things with ease and trust.
Trust that the flow of life is on your side, and that we just need to believe in the timings.
This brings me to my next point…
3) Ditch having a timeline
An organic relationship comes about when you don’t expect it… possibly when you least expect it.
This is what happened in my case.
I started a new school programme and was in a place of really focusing on me and my goals, and having come out of a long-term relationship not shortly before, I wasn’t thinking about meeting someone.
It wasn’t on my mind.
But I had an electric chemistry with this person, who’s now my partner of almost 10 months.
When we started texting, I wasn’t thinking: ‘I really want this person to be my husband and I need him’… Instead, I was enjoying laughing with and learning about this person and myself in the process.
I was going with the flow and staying open-minded.
In fact, a part of me was thinking it was too soon to start seeing someone knew, but the Universe had a different plan!
But, as Jason Hairstone says for Your Tango:
“Some connections may blossom as fast as an herb, others may take longer to root like a beet or a carrot. The key is to relate without preconceived concepts of a proper time frame for development. The heart recognizes levels of magnetism, not concepts of time.”
So, while my relationship took me by surprise and developed quickly – with him asking me to be his girlfriend three months after meeting – it might take a little longer for you to get to that point with a potential partner.
You might be more like a beetroot rather than a herb! Either way, allow your timeline to be exactly what it needs to be if you want an organic relationship.
4) Focus on building your friendship first
So, you might have heard that some of the best relationships come about from building on a friendship first?
Of course, this isn’t always the case… but it’s one way you can start building a solid foundation with someone that paves the way for an organic romantic relationship.
However, I should highlight that once you cross that boundary of exploring a friend as a potential romantic partner, that friendship won’t quite ever be the same. Even though you could go back to being friends if things don’t work out, there will always be underlying lingering feelings (whether that’s upset that it didn’t work out or jealousy of them with new partners), and you’ll have memories of your romantic exploration, which will inevitably taint your friendship. Just remember this before you start exploring this option!
With this all in mind, if you do still want to take your friendship a step further, you’ll be starting the relationship from a strong place as you two already know each other well.
As if that’s not enough, if you two were best friends then you’re in an even better place. Maybe you already know their family; you have many of the same friends; and you know the way they work and love them for it.
There’s definitely pros to building a romantic relationship with an existing friend, but the cons are there too. It’s one to weigh up!
5) Remember physical attraction isn’t everything
Have you ever seen the Netflix reality TV series Love Is Blind? A bunch of people get to know each other through a screen: they talk for weeks on end without ever seeing each other and some even propose!
That’s right: they ask someone they’ve never seen to marry them based on their emotional connection, shared values and depth of their conversation.
The series proves that you can fall in love with what someone is about, without ever seeing them. Of course some of these relationships don’t work in the real world, but some of them do!
Now, this is the goal… to connect with and love someone for who they are at their core.
Having an amazing emotional and spiritual connection with someone is just as important as having a great physical chemistry.
A fulfilling intimate life will just heighten your closeness, and release loads of feel-good chemicals for you and your partner. But it’s not the most important thing!
As Jason Hairstone says for Your Tango:
“Great sex is important within a relationship but there needs to be a strong foundation built on respect, integrity and trust. The framework of the physical bond will naturally form and be more firm in this case.”
You see, it’s easy to get caught up in physical attraction and this can make you overlook other aspects of the relationship that might be lacking.
To have an organic relationship, you should aim to connect with your partner across the emotional, spiritual and physical.
6) Listen to and support them
I’ve spoken about how important a solid emotional connection with a partner is. But what does this look like in practice?
In my experience, it includes:
- Listening to them without speaking
- Hearing their perspective without getting defensive
- Being genuinely happy about their achievements
- Not being jealous
You see, in a healthy relationship, two people should be able to grow together… and they should want that for each other.
If a partner is trying to keep the other one small, it’s a red flag to look out for as it could be a control issue. They might fear the other person will want to leave them if they’re fully in their power… but this is not a healthy way to be.
By listening to and supporting your partner, you are showing them you respect them and you’re setting a benchmark for how you would like to be treated.
Make it a priority to hold space for your partner and all them to express all they need to.
Just as Jason Hairstone explains: the cornerstones of a relationship should be respect, integrity and trust.
By prioritizing these qualities you’ll be encouraging a healthy, organic relationship.
7) Forget ideas of how your partner should be
By now, you should know that I don’t believe in dating apps as I think they play into a level of superficiality that doesn’t pave the way for an organic relationship.
You might think differently, but, for me, they go against anything organic.
Simply put: by liking someone based on their height, profession and looks, you’re just looking at them against a checklist of perceived compatibility. But this is totally imagined and likely a different case in reality.
You’re dismissing people based on a few facts about them. You won’t know if you’re actually compatible until you meet in person and you feel their energy.
I know, for a fact, that I would have scrolled past my partner, based on who he is on paper, if I’d have come across him… It’s not because I don’t find him attractive, but because we have some fundamental differences.
In reality, we balance each other and respect each other’s views… but if I’d read that he’s not spiritual and works in a boring line of work, I probably would have pressed next. I would have kept looking for someone who does something very exciting for work and says they love to meditate daily.
I would have rejected him based on the checklist, which isn’t necessarily right for me.
Truth is, if you want to have an organic, fulfilling relationship with some, you need to rip up the checklist and find out what you want from a partner as you go.
Keep an open mind when it comes to dating and see who you come across… Chances are, they’ll be nothing like the person you imagined on your list, but x10 better than you could have imagined.
This brings me to the question:
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with trying to build an organic relationship, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like thinking we’ll never find The One.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to building a healthy relationship.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Click here to watch the free video.
8) Take the pressure off what could be
I know it’s exciting when you meet someone new and the emotions that come with it.
Depending on how you are, you might get super excited about what your future looks like together and carried away imagining it.
I’ll be honest: this happened to me when I met my partner and I had to check myself.
Within a couple of months, I started thinking that he was the person I definitely wanted to marry and have children with.
Not only that, I wrote down my name with his surname and thought about the names I would give our children.
If it all sounds a bit much and intense, it’s because it is!
I’m telling you this as I’ve since reflected on how I was thinking, and I’ve chosen to cool off a bit.
Instead of enjoying the relationship in the moment and allowing it to naturally unfold and organically develop, I felt myself putting so much pressure on what it could be.
I was pinning so much hope on the future that it took away from what it is today.
In my experience, when I changed my perspective, the dynamic changed. I felt more relaxed and happy about what we are right now, rather than fearing he was going to leave me and crush my vision of the future. Thinking like that made me feel unnecessarily anxious and even jealous of his other interactions at times, in case they could jeopardize my future.
Basically, you want to take the pressure off your relationship if you are to encourage it to develop organically.
Who knows, maybe my partner will be my husband and father of my children! Allowing our relationship to organically unfold, without clinging too tightly to ideas, will allow it to take the shape it’s supposed to.
The Universe always has our backs and has ideas for us!
9) Allow yourself to move through the natural stages of a relationship
Contrary to fairytale films, relationships are tough and they require work.
If you think a relationship is supposed to just be fun and games, and conflict-free, you’re not going to get very far.
Even the most compatible couples who are super in love fight from time-to-time! This is normal and doesn’t indicate that you two should part ways.
Now, another thing to remember is that relationships go through different stages. If you truly want to develop an organic relationship, you’ll need to let the relationship pass through these… even though it might feel uncomfortable and too challenging.
Mind Body Green suggests these include:
- Merging
- Doubt and denial
- Disillusionment
- Decision
- Wholehearted love
Curious? I’ll explain…
The merging phase is otherwise known as the ‘honeymoon phase’, where two people feel inseparable and like they want to be together forever. It’s the phase where red flags and incompatibilities can often be ignored.
Next, doubt and denial does what it says on the tin. It’s when a couple realize there are some differences between them and all of those endearing qualities about their partner become a little annoying.
For example, you might have thought it was nice to know they don’t care about their wardrobe and they’re not superficial, but now you’re actually thinking: ‘it would be sexy if they had some personal style…’. I’m using this as an example as it’s true for me!
During this time, Mind Body Green explains:
“Friction is natural once we run up against each other’s differences. Power struggles increase, and we marvel at the change in our partner. Feelings of love mix with alienation and irritation. Perhaps we’re not “perfect” for each other after all.”
Disillusionment follows this stage, where power struggles come to the surface.
At this point, couples can either decide to put even more time and work into the relationship to resolve their issues (which is what my partner and I are doing at the moment), or you can decide to put less into it and shift from a “we” mentality to an “I” again. If you do this you know where things are headed…
A decision naturally follows. The couple needs to grapple with whether they leave, stay and do nothing to work on the relationship, or stay and try their best to make it work.
At this stage, it’s a good chance to consider speaking to a relationship therapist to get the support you need if you choose to stay.
Wholehearted love is the final stage, where a couple feels like they have accepted who each other are and they’re able to both keep growing within the relationship.
Mind Body Green adds:
“There’s hard work still involved in this fifth stage of a relationship, but the difference is that couples know how to listen well and lean into uncomfortable conversations without feeling threatened or attacking one another.
In this stage, couples also begin to play together again. They can laugh, relax, and deeply enjoy each other. They even can experience some of the thrilling passion, joys, and sex of the Merge as each person rediscovers themselves in ways that let them fall in love with each other all over again.”
10) Be in your personal power to attract an authentic relationship
The best organic relationships come about when two people are committed to their own growth and they’re working through their baggage, traumas and blocks.
Committing to ‘doing the work’ on yourself will mean you’re in a place where you can receive a fulfilling relationship with someone – when it naturally happens.
As if that’s not enough, if you’re in this space spiritually and emotionally, you’ll naturally start attracting like-minded people.
You’ll be vibrating high and magnetizing those who are on the same vibe!
So how can you overcome this insecurity that’s been nagging you?
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration, dreaming but never achieving, and of living in self-doubt, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
