Paul Brian
Every relationship is different and is affected by many factors.
But there are certain truths we can say about love between an older man and a younger woman.
Certain issues are going to come up here that otherwise would not come up.
This is how to understand and deal with them.
10 older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about
Age is just a number: I’m sure you’ve heard that saying before.
Well, yes and no.
Here’s why age still matters and how it can complicate (and in some ways improve!) the connection between an older man and a younger woman.
1) Life paths diverge!
While age isn’t everything, it is something.
One thing it makes a big difference about for many of us, is where we’re at in our lives.
Of course, this can also be very affected by culture, our profession, family responsibilities and more.
But in terms of the age issue, it’s generally the case that a younger woman is on a life path of starting out her travels, career, exploration of identity and finding herself spiritually.
An older man, by contrast, tends to be more established in his career and have made more resolutions about what drives him in life and why.
This is a generalization, but it’s often true.
And it’s one of the most crucial older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about.
Because when life paths diverge, relationships also tend to diverge.
Unless you can communicate openly about this and find a way to let your love override the different directions you may be heading in.
2) Relationship history clashes
On a related note, another of the older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about is clashes over relationship pasts.
This can’t always be stereotyped by age, of course.
The younger women may be in today’s generations when having more sexual or romantic partners is more common…
…While the older gentleman may be from a different time when dating was much more selective.
Or the older guy may be a real playboy who’s seen his fair share of what the world has to offer…
While his lady friend may be a young and innocent doe who’s a little put off by her man’s experience around the fairer sex.
Whichever way it goes, this age gap can make for some tensions that occur and can be hard to get over.
Just remember that your relationship is the start of something new.
Don’t let the past ruin it.
3) Time to call an expert?
Sometimes talking to an expert can be the best way to navigate some of these tricky issues that come up in an older man younger woman love connection.
There are various older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about in order to head into this kind of relationship with confidence and hope of success.
Sometimes a professional can help with that.
While this article explores the main problems that crop up between an older man and younger woman, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like being a younger woman dating an older guy or a bit older fellow going out with a younger lady.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
4) Looking for something different
When you’re both in different age groups you may also be looking for something different.
Yet again, this can’t always be generalized by age.
Yet in many cases a younger woman say, for example, in her 20s, might be looking more to explore life, try out a few different relationships and see what fits.
An older man in, say, his 40s, might be looking more to settle down or find a mother for his future kids.
This kind of different outlook for what each wants from the relationship can ultimately be a dealbreaker.
It just depends on how willing each side is to compromise and how in love you are.
If you want to make it work badly enough you can. But don’t underestimate these challenges, they can be tough!
5) This relationship type can be exploitative from both ends
The stereotype of an older man and younger woman is obvious:
The stereotype is that the woman is using him for money and he’s using her for sex.
As cynical as this is, we do live in a world where it can, sadly, be true.
Although there are many cases where it really isn’t the case, it’s important to remember that sometimes a spade really is a spade.
The fact of the matter is that many older men do prefer younger women as part of a long line of genetic predisposition to offspring survival.
Younger women, meanwhile, may be struggling to establish themselves and seeking out a man who has a bit more financial means.
“Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success.
“Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.
“On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.”
6) Money fights can stack up
In many cases a younger woman has less money than an older guy she’s with.
Even if she is with him for absolutely no reason connected to his financial assets, money fights can often arise seemingly out of nowhere.
The truth about money is that it’s a tool like any other tool.
But even somebody who is relatively well off can feel disrespected or misused if they feel their generosity or largesse is not appreciated.
If the man pays for most things, he may feel resentful that his younger partner doesn’t seem to adequately appreciate it.
If the woman pays her fair share, she may feel resentful that her older partner isn’t being more courteous and paying for more things like occasional shopping trips or more vacations.
This is important because it’s one of the more troubling older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about, and money can quickly become a proxy fight for many other tensions in the relationship.
7) Working on your most important relationship
When it comes to the most crucial older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about, there’s something that many people miss.
It’s building a solid foundation before trying to launch into the stratosphere.
Solid relationships aren’t just magic. They happen by design.
So:
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with confusion about an age gap relationship it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like trying to make a relationship work when there’s a significant age gap and life experience gap.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution making love work in spite of strong external differences.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
Click here to watch the free video.
8) Fertility vs. freedom
OK, let’s get controversial. Why not, right?
So, an older guy who wants kids (or wants more kids) may be pressing a younger lady to get more serious or even settle down with him.
The young lady, in turn, may feel a tension between fertility and freedom.
For example, if she’s 35 she may feel that she likes this guy a lot but is not yet sure about having kids in general.
Yet at the same time, she may feel pressured by biology to decide soon-ish.
This can create tension in the relationship and some expectations on both ends.
It’s one of the older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about, because while an older guy may be more in a mode to have kids, a younger woman may be more in mind to enjoy her freedom.
However, the complicating factor is if the younger woman is in that young-middle category where she wants kids but is not sure quite how soon, yet still feels the man is being a bit pushy or gauche about it.
9) Stability vs. wanderlust
On a related front, a young person is more likely to be seeking adventure and wandering wherever her feet take her, while an older guy may be seeking stability.
Just look at the travel differences between older and younger generations.
A younger person might head to Costa Rica to do cliff diving and jungle treks, while an older person is more likely to head to a chill resort in the Caribbean and read the latest thriller novel with a bottomless margarita.
These differences matter a lot, especially in relationships.
10) Reappearance of past patterns
As in any relationship, past patterns can pop back up.
The difference in this kind of age gap relationship is that – unfortunately – they can also relate to parent-child relationships and toxic patterns in them.
I know, gross.
Why can’t Freud just stop popping up everywhere we look?
Well, no girl wants a guy who acts like her dad as her boyfriend, at least I sure hope not.
And no guy wants a girlfriend who feels like his daughter.
That’s why the romantic edge must always exist and it’s important that you don’t fall into a kind of familial type of role.
11) The sexual appetite gap
Next up is the sexual appetite gap.
An older guy may be wearing down a little, while his younger girlfriend is more likely to be a little on the frisky side.
This is fine, but if the scales tip too far in one direction it can definitely cause issues.
Sex is a key component of a healthy connection, and if he just plain doesn’t want it that much it could become a bigger issue for the younger woman, especially in a self-esteem sense.
Watch out for this one.
12) Body baggage
Next up is that an older man may sometimes be more self-conscious about deterioration of his body.
In addition to a flagging sexual appetite, this can manifest as less energy, obesity and general lethargy.
This can leave him feeling outmatched by his younger partner and cause considerable frustration.
Although it’s certainly not her fault for being younger and fitter, the man may feel like he’s waging an uphill battle and is “not good enough.”
Apart from a healthy diet and lifestyle, the only real answer to this one is if humanity has an anti-aging pill invented in the future.
Nonetheless, understanding and compassion are also key here, since the
13) Social judgments and assumptions
As much as other people’s crap shouldn’t matter, it can be a bit of a drag.
People look at age gap couples and make all sorts of assumptions, especially about the gold digger, sugar daddy idea.
No matter how false this is, keep in mind that people’s perception of it could really start to grate on both your nerves.
Be prepared for this and don’t let it get to you.
They’re probably just jealous of how hot she is and his Sean Connery vibe!
If you’re both fairly sensitive it may take some psyching up to ignore or even laugh at the stupid looks you get…
…The whispers…
…The open jealousy…
And even the sarcastic comments.
Whatever. Let them talk!
14) Life experience gap
So many things can happen in just one year.
Want proof?
Look at the difference between 2018 and 2019. Who ever would have believed how much would happen in just one year, right?
It can be the same in our individual lives.
An older man may have started his own company, had kids, divorced, been around the world and joined and left two religions, or even toyed with joining a cult at one time.
A young woman, by contrast, may have just had her braces off and be embracing her early 20s and partying.
Suddenly she meets this guy who’s 44 and starts falling for him, but becomes very insecure about how much of her life is still left to live and how much he’s already seen and done.
Can this gap be bridged? Yes, especially if it can be made humorous and the older man can “show her the ropes” and take her around to experience some of what he has of the world.
Still, it’s one of the most important older man younger woman relationship issues you need to know about.
Don’t give up
There’s plenty of pressure and judgments out there, but you don’t have to let them get to you.
Don’t give up or let outside judgments define your relationship if you’re a younger woman or older man.
Give love a chance and just remember to navigate the above challenges with grace and understanding.
As long as you keep the lines of communication open and do your best to remain patient, love has a chance between the two of you!
