Clifton Kopp
We all know a narcissist. In fact, itโs estimated that between 1% and 6% of people suffer from narcissistic personality disorder.
The problem with knowing a narcissist is that it can lead to all sorts of problems on your end. Their attitude can negatively impact you, especially if youโre a child thatโs growing up with a narcissist as a carer.
At the same time, it can often be difficult to spot the signs of narcissism, especially when it comes to people that youโve known for a while. And thatโs where todayโs article comes in.
Here are 12 not-so-subtle signs that you might be dealing with a narcissist.
1) They act entitled
Narcissists see themselves as more important than other people, and so they tend to act entitled as a result of that.
Theyโll do things like parking in a disabled space or assuming that the law doesnโt apply to them because theyโre oh-so important. Theyโll also act as though theyโre entitled to breach societal norms, such as by continuing to talk during a minute of silence.
This entitlement is essentially the hallmark of the narcissist, and so I find that itโs the easiest thing to look out for. It really shows in their actions because every single thing they do in life is grounded in their belief that theyโre better than everyone else.
For the rest of us, itโs easy enough to avoid acting entitled, but for the true narcissist, itโs a de facto part of their personality. In fact, they wonโt even understand why they should try to hide it.
2) They think theyโre better than other people
This is another one of the key hallmarks of the narcissist.
Every narcissist thinks that theyโre the center of the universe and the most important person to have ever lived. Thatโs what makes them think that theyโre better than other people, and thatโs why you should look out for behavior that suggests that they think this.
Ironically, many of the people that our society holds up as being โthe greatestโ had remarkably small egos and would never have dreamed of thinking that they were better than other people. But thatโs because they werenโt narcissists.
No one is better than anyone else, because the term โbetterโ is subjective and because we live in a society where everyone should be treated equally. But narcissists forget that.
3) They manipulate people
Manipulation is another hallmark of the narcissist, because they see nothing wrong with manipulating other people to get what they want.
The specifics of this manipulation can vary from narcissist to narcissist. Some are overt with it and some arenโt, but the general idea is the same. Theyโll use emotional blackmail, gaslighting and other manipulative behaviors to get people to do what they want them to do.
This is obviously unpleasant to be on the receiving end of, and so if youโre suffering from manipulation at the hands of a narcissist, donโt be afraid to stick up for yourself. The narcissist is relying on you to not do so, and so thereโs a good chance theyโll back down.
Note that while most narcissists manipulate people, that doesnโt necessarily mean that everyone who manipulates people is a narcissist.
4) Theyโre obsessed with their appearance
Given that the mark of a narcissist is that theyโre self-obsessed, we shouldnโt be surprised that they tend to be particularly obsessed with their physical appearance.
Of course, weโre all a little self-obsessed in todayโs day and age, thanks to social networking and the need to be able to take decent selfies.
But narcissists take things to the next level, spending hours in front of the mirror โ not to make sure that they look their best but because they just like to look at themselves.
And so you may find that youโre able to spot a narcissist in your life based upon how much time they spend in front of the mirror. You should also bear in mind that itโs just as important to figure out why theyโre looking in the mirror.
Some people have mental health issues that make them hyper-fixate on their appearance, so they spend a lot of time making sure that they look how they want to look. Narcissists just want to admire themselves.
5) They donโt care about other peopleโs feelings
The self-obsession that narcissists have means that they donโt care what other people think about them. After all, they donโt see any reason to.
Of course, this has a hugely negative effect on their friends and family members, and itโs one of the big reasons why people choose to stop spending time with narcissists.
Would you be willing to spend time with someone who showed through their actions that they didnโt give a damn about you?
Youโll want to look out for this lack of caring and empathy and use it as a warning sign that can work in conjunction with some of the other factors on this list. The more boxes that people tick, the more likely it is that theyโre a narcissist.
Sometimes, all you can do is give them a taste of their own medicine. If they donโt care about your feelings, why should you care about theirs?
6) They brag about their achievements
We all like to brag about our achievements, and thereโs nothing wrong with that. We should be proud of what we accomplish.
The different thing about narcissists is that theyโll brag about their own achievements and downplay everyone elseโs. Theyโll think that their accomplishments are the only accomplishments that matter, even if theyโve achieved the same thing as someone else.
For example, I went to university with someone who got the same grade as me and who spent weeks showing off about it to everyone whoโd listen. When I pointed out that most of the class had received the same grade, they blocked me on social media.
To the true narcissist, everything that they achieve is unprecedented.
7) They struggle with criticism
Narcissists hate criticism, whether itโs constructive or not.
To be fair, a lot of people struggle with criticism, though thatโs usually because we can be hard on ourselves and take criticism personally.
Remember that thereโs a big difference between constructive criticism, which you can use to improve and do something better, and unconstructive criticism, which is generally more of a personal attack.
For most of us, constructive criticism can actually be a good thing, but narcissists lump it in with unconstructive criticism and ignore the lot.
Thatโs because they see themselves as the best around, and they donโt think they should have to take advice and input from anyone else.
Fortunately for the rest of us, this one is their loss. If they donโt want to become better people, thatโs on them.
8) They never apologize
Because narcissists are so self-obsessed, they never apologize.
Thatโs because they donโt see any point in it. They donโt care what other people think, and so that means that thereโs no point in them apologizing for their behavior.
It doesnโt help that they also rarely think that theyโre in the wrong. Again, their narcissism leads them to think that the world revolves around them, and so if they go ahead and do something, it has to mean that theyโre in the right by default.
Theyโre right because theyโre the ones doing it. Right?
Wrong. But good luck trying to tell them that.
9) They show no remorse for their negative actions
This builds on the last point because thereโs a reason why they never apologize. They show no remorse.
Youโve probably seen this in action with a criminal narcissist who doesnโt seem to care about the peopleโs lives that heโs ruined through his crimes. Heโll stand up in court and show zero remorse, not because heโs trying to act tough but because he genuinely doesnโt care.
We normal people show remorse because we feel guilty about the things that weโve done and want to make up for them. At the very least, we show remorse so that weโre acknowledging that weโve done something wrong, which should encourage people to look upon us more favorably.
But narcissists wonโt do that. They donโt feel the need to, and they think that the rest of us are weird for caring about what people think.
10) They constantly interrupt other people
Narcissists are a nightmare to have conversations with because theyโll keep on interrupting you and turning the conversation around so that itโs all about themselves.
When most of us chat to our friends, we automatically take it in turns to speak. Thatโs not true for the narcissist, because they donโt want to hear about your life. They want you to hear about theirs, because they think thatโs the only life that matters.
Some people interrupt other people just because theyโre rude, and some people do it because they have poor social skills and just donโt know any better. And then there are those who interrupt people because theyโre narcissists.
A sure fire way to find out which camp someone belongs to is to point out that they keep doing it and to see how they react.
11) They donโt have many long-term friendships
Narcissists donโt have many long-term friendships for fairly obvious reasons. After everything youโve learned about them in this article, would you want to be friends with one?
On top of the obvious difficulties of being friends with a narcissist, we also have to remember that narcissists donโt really want long-term friends. They only want friends if they have a use for them, and as soon as they no longer consider their friends to be useful, they ditch them.
As if that wasnโt enough, narcissists are usually well aware of how other people perceive them, even if they donโt actually care.
Like a criminal, they know that the best course of action is to keep moving, because if they stay with one social circle for too long, word will spread and theyโll find it harder to manipulate people.
And so if you know someone who doesnโt have many long-term friendships, itโs worth asking yourself whether theyโre a narcissist.
12) They ignore peopleโs boundaries
Boundaries are important because theyโre a signal of what weโre willing to put up with and where we draw the line.
Everyone has boundaries, and narcissists are no different. The problem here is that while they set their own boundaries and expect other people to follow them, they donโt return the favor. Again, this is caused by them thinking that theyโre more important than anyone else.
Unfortunately, this kind of behavior isnโt unique to narcissists. Itโs a common trend amongst anyone who doesnโt respect other people and their feelings, and so I have a friend who ignores boundaries not because heโs a narcissist but because he has poor social skills.
Sometimes, it can be hard to tell the difference between the two.
