Tina Fey
Trust is the foundation of every strong relationship—but what happens when you start feeling like something isn’t quite right?
Maybe it’s not the big, obvious lies that tip you off.
Instead, it’s the subtle shifts, the small inconsistencies, or the behaviors that just don’t add up. It’s enough to make you wonder: Am I overthinking this, or is my partner hiding something?
Deceptive behavior isn’t always easy to spot.
Often, the signs are quiet and non-obvious, designed to fly under the radar.
But when you know what to look for, patterns emerge—and the truth becomes much harder to ignore.
In this article, we’ll explore 8 subtle yet telling signs of a deceptive partner.
Whether you’re here out of curiosity or seeking clarity, these clues can help you uncover what’s really going on beneath the surface.
1) They’re suddenly super secretive
In any relationship, privacy is important. But when your partner suddenly starts being overly secretive, it might be cause for concern.
We’re not talking about the occasional surprise date or birthday present secret. This is about significant changes in behavior that just don’t add up.
For instance, they might start shielding their phone screen from you, or changing their passwords without any reasonable explanation.
Maybe they’re spending more time away from home without clear reasons, or avoiding certain topics like never before.
In any case, if you notice a sudden increase in secrecy from your partner, it’s worth having an open conversation about it.
2) They’re overcompensating with affection
A deceptive partner might shower you with sudden, unexplained affection.
As lovely as this might feel, it’s worth considering why this sudden change in behavior.
I’ve seen many relationships where one partner begins to overcompensate with affection, gifts, or compliments when they’re hiding something.
It’s almost as if they’re trying to distract from their own guilt.
If your partner’s affection feels like it’s too much, or out of character, it could be a sign that they’re trying to cover something up.
Again, don’t jump to conclusions. But if you notice an uncalled-for increase in affection, it could be worth discussing your feelings with your partner.
3) Their stories don’t add up
If your partner is deceiving you, chances are their stories may not always align. They might tell you one thing one day, and something completely different the next.
You might notice inconsistencies in their explanations about where they’ve been or who they were with, or their stories might seem overly complex or convoluted.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss the importance of trust in a relationship. Trust is built on openness and honesty.
If you consistently find inconsistencies in your partner’s stories, it could be a sign that they’re not being completely truthful with you.
Communication is key. Rather than accusing your partner outright, discuss how these inconsistencies make you feel.
4) They’re agreeing with you…a lot
Now, this might seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t agreement a good thing in a relationship?
In moderation, yes, but when your partner starts agreeing with everything you say, it might be a red flag.
This is especially true if your partner was previously more opinionated or assertive. If they’re suddenly becoming a “yes-person,” it could mean they’re trying to avoid conflict or hide something from you.
A healthy relationship thrives on disagreements and different perspectives—it’s what helps us grow and understand each other better.
So, if your partner is suddenly mirroring all your thoughts and opinions without any of their usual individual input, it might be time to have a conversation about what’s really going on.
5) They’re unusually defensive
In my years of relationship consulting, I’ve noticed a common trend – when partners are being deceptive, they often become unusually defensive.
This could manifest in different ways. Maybe they get upset over minor issues or interpret innocent questions as accusations.
They might deflect simple queries or turn the tables on you, making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
In my own relationships, I’ve found that open communication is key to understanding and resolving these issues.
6) They’re avoiding your friends and family
This one can be tough to stomach. When your partner starts avoiding the people who are important to you, it feels personal.
In my experience, if your partner is consistently making excuses to avoid social situations with your loved ones, it could be a sign of deception.
They might be afraid of slipping up or revealing something they shouldn’t in front of others who know you well.
This isn’t about the occasional need for alone time or a simple clash of personalities. This is about deliberate and consistent avoidance.
It’s raw and tough, but it’s important to address this issue head-on.
7) They’re constantly blaming you
If your partner is always pointing the finger at you, it might be a sign that they’re trying to deflect attention from their own actions.
In my experience, a deceptive partner might resort to blame-shifting to take the heat off themselves.
This is especially true if they’re blaming you for things that don’t quite make sense or that are out of your control.
If your partner is making you feel at fault for everything, it’s important to remember that their blame does not define your worth.
8) They’re emotionally distant
The last sign can be one of the hardest to face. If your partner is becoming emotionally distant, it could be a sign that they’re hiding something.
They might seem withdrawn, unresponsive, or just “not there” even when they’re physically present.
You may notice that they’re less interested in sharing their thoughts and feelings with you, or they might seem indifferent to your emotions.
This emotional distance can be heart-wrenching. It’s like watching the person you love slip away from you. But remember, it’s important to face this honestly and openly.
Conclusion
Understanding the signs of a deceptive partner is a tough but necessary task.
It’s important to remember that these signs aren’t conclusive proof of deception, but they can act as red flags that warrant open and honest communication.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into the dynamics of relationships and how to navigate through challenging situations.
Remember, every relationship has its hurdles, and it’s how we overcome them that truly defines us.
Trust your instincts, communicate openly, and make sure your relationship is built on mutual love and respect.
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