I don’t need to tell you that marrying someone is possibly the biggest decision you’ll ever make. For the rest of your life, you’ll live together, sleep together, eat together, travel together and spend most of your free time together.
Now I don’t know about you, but that’s a lot of time with one person! So when you make that decision, it’s fair to say you want to make the right decision. Because it would be pretty awful to end up with someone who is disrespectful, arrogant and selfish.
But if you’re not careful, it can happen. Even narcissistic fools are charming. They thrive on getting what they want, and if that want is you, then you might not be in the best position to see through them.
So go over these 7 habits and make sure your future partner doesn’t have them!
1) They don’t trust you completely
Are they questioning your answer to what you’re doing when you’re not with them? Are they constantly second-guessing your sense of judgement? Or are they confused about the way you’ve gone about life before they met you?
Not only do these questions mean they probably don’t understand you, but they don’t trust you either. Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. And without it, there’s no freedom and no room for the relationship to grow.
2) He hates kids
Any mature man who hates kids lacks empathy and zest for life. How could anyone hate children who are curious, fun, living in the moment and expressing of all their emotions? Only a man who takes himself too seriously could be like that.
And if you’re planning on have children with them, are they really going to make a good Dad?
3) He doesn’t do what he says he’ll do
If he says he’ll be home at 8 PM and then continues drinking with the boys until 11 PM, you need to have a word to him. If he repeatedly does these kinds of things, you need to worry.
These actions basically mean his words are meaningless. You literally can’t communicate because you don’t know if he will act on what he is saying. Who wants to spend a lifetime with someone like that?
4) He doesn’t really listen to what you’re saying
Sure, he might ask you, “how’s your day been?”, but when you have a story or a situation to resolve, does he actually listen to you? Or does he think that his life is more important and your issues are trivial?
If he likes the sound of his own voice and doesn’t like the sound of yours, it’s a major warning sign that this guy will add nothing to your life.
Listening, understanding and helping each other are the cornerstones of any healthy relationship, and if he can’t actively listen to what you’re dealing with, you need to seriously ask yourself what the hell you’re doing with him.
5) He is constantly in competition with you
Is he keeping fights alive? Refuses to admit his wrong, even if it defies logic?
No matter what you do, you’ll never win with someone like this. Instead of treating your relationship like a team that will conquer the world, he sees you as his competition that he needs to beat.
If you make more money than him, or beat him in a morning jog, he won’t be happy for you. In those moments, the only thing that will shine will be his toxic energy.
Relationships aren’t about competing with each other. They’re about growing, supporting and cherishing the love you have for each other.
6) He still flirts with other girls
If you catch him chatting with girls on his phone, or chatting up girls at the bar even when you’re around, I think we both know that he has the potential to be an unfaithful jerk.
Relationships are hard work, and if he using his spare time to chat up girls, then he isn’t 100 percent committed to you.
Flirting is not okay, no matter what planet you’re from. If he is truly in love with you, all of his love should solely directed at you!
Women are naturally attracted to “players”, but it only takes a second to step back and observe whether he is a self-centered jerk or not.
7) He is too clingy
Is he constantly messaging you asking where you are and what you’re doing? Can he not let you out of his sight?
It’s all well and good to be affectionate, but there’s a boundary to cross that will make your life worse. If he can’t seem to function healthily without your affection or attention, then it’s a warning sign that he is stuck in an unhealthy love.
We all need our own lives, and we all need an ability to be happy inside ourselves. You can’t rely on someone else to be happy.
You want to grow together, but to grow in a way that both your lives are benefiting. Otherwise you’ll be stuck in an unhealthy love that’s controlling, manipulative and chained.
In Hack Spirit’s new eBook, The Art of Resilience, we deliver a practical primer on how you can become more resilient in a world of instability and narrowing opportunity, whether you’re facing financial troubles, health setbacks, challenges in your relationships, or any other problem. We can all have our own resilience breakthrough, and each can learn how to use adverse circumstances as potent fuel for overcoming life’s hardships. Check it out here.
A quick message from Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit
In 2018, the third year of Hack Spirit, I poured thousands of hours and considerable resources into creating these articles. It's a labor of love and remains free thanks to your patronage. If you found any value in these articles, please consider supporting what I do with a donation. Your support is what helps me to continue creating more Hack Spirits articles. To make a donation, click the "donate" button below and choose between a single donation or monthly.
Check out Hack Spirit's eBook: How to be Your Own Life Coach: 10 Essential Steps to Creating a Life You Love. Perfect for setting new year goals and actually achieving them!
- Learn the 10 crucial steps to creating a life you love
- Practical techniques and exercises throughout to work out who you are, where you are and what you want to achieve in life
- Affirmations, quotes and motivational techniques to keep you going...even through tough times
- Practical case studies showing what works and what doesn’t