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15 reasons you should never force someone to love you

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Nothing is more exciting than loving someone with all your heart.

One thing that I’ve learned clearly in life is that when it comes to love and relationships, you should not expect or force things to happen.

For when I didn’t force love, that’s the time when I experienced an intense feeling of joy, warmth, and happiness. A love that’s real.

I know it’s hard to accept that we can’t make someone love us.

Let me share the reasons behind this.

Why should you never force someone to love you? 15 reasons to know

The thing is, love is letting everything fall naturally and not pressuring the pieces to fit.

If the other person doesn’t feel the same love you’re giving, there’s nothing you can do about it.

1) Forcing love can turn into a disaster

I know that the thought of making someone love you can be irresistible – but then, it just doesn’t make sense.

While I was fighting to make things work, I didn’t realize that I was disappointing myself when things didn’t meet the expectations I set. And it hurts me even more.

Probably, even if I never intend to be controlling, that’s what the other person had seen.

Instead of bridging the gap and nurturing our connection, I’ve been creating more distance between the two of us.

Facing rejection from the one you most care about is disheartening.

You may go through several emotions when this person doesn’t reciprocate your actions. The reality is that he might not be interested in you.

So if this person isn’t really into you 100%, it’s time that you give yourself a break.

2) It can leave us physically and mentally drained

I understood this “all too well.”

Finding ways to make someone love you is such an emotionally draining process that it ruins my peace of mind.

I felt stuck and frustrated.

I’ve been pouring myself into someone and the relationship, but the other person isn’t meeting me halfway.

But I come to realize that –

It’s common to have that feeling for someone whose feelings don’t match our own. There’s nothing wrong with us or with them.

We might feel that we’re not worthy of being loved at all – but this isn’t true.

If you’re not receiving the love you’re giving out, know that it has nothing to do with you. Don’t blame yourself because sometimes these things don’t work because they just aren’t meant to be.

Love yourself more so you can swallow that jagged little pill called truth.

3) It’s better to have something real

I don’t desire to be forced into something I don’t want to do.

We can’t force something to happen because when we do, we’re only making things worse.

The same goes for love.

When we try to force someone to love us, they may also try to do that to appease us – but we know that their heart and desires aren’t willing to.

But this doesn’t necessarily mean that they can’t love you. It’s just that they choose not to or something else.

So better yet, don’t waste your time trying to understand why someone doesn’t love you back.

Don’t feel that it’s your place to beg for love or push someone to love you back.

4) You will miss meeting the one you’re meant to be with

When you’re too focused on forcing someone to love you, you’ll miss a lot of opportunities in your life.

Probably, you’re hanging on to false hopes.

Maybe you keep convincing yourself that not all is lost – that this person will learn to love you.

But once you’ve accepted that you can’t force love and appreciate the growth that came from loving someone, that’s when you can begin writing your new story.

When you turn your attention inwards, heal your heartaches, and give yourself the love you need, that’s the time that you’ll meet your soulmate.

Nothing feels more beautiful than being with someone who will appreciate you and love you wholeheartedly.

Let’s face it:

We waste a lot of our time and energy forcing someone to love us – thinking that they are our soulmates.

But, there’s a way to know that you have met your soulmate.

I found a way to confirm this… a professional psychic artist can sketch what your soulmate looks like.

Even if I was skeptical about it, I decided to give it a try.

Now I know what my soulmate looks like. And the surprising thing is, I recognized him right away.

So if you want to know what your soulmate looks like, get your sketch drawn here.

5) It isn’t an act of love

Again, let me tell you a harsh truth that I also used to run away from – you can’t force someone to love you.

Forcing someone to love you, even if this person ticks all the boxes, is painful, stressful, and emotionally devastating in the long run.

As hard as you desire to make it happen, love can’t be forced.

And when someone doesn’t love you the way you do, it doesn’t make him an asshole. But the thing is, you shouldn’t try to change his mind because it will get you nowhere.

Accept that it isn’t love – it’s never been and it will never be.

6) You won’t like the person you’ll turn into

During that time, I even ask myself, “Why do I feel like such a fool?”

The thing is, when we keep on forcing love on someone else, we tend to lose our respect for ourselves.

We may not realize this at first but, as time goes by, the negative feeling we have about ourselves will become more visible to others because of the toll it takes on us.

The more you try to make someone love you,  the more exhausted and frustrated you are likely to feel in the end.

It could also drive the other person further away from you.

And no matter how much energy you put into this, you can’t force someone to appreciate your sacrifices and accept you in their life as their one and only.

7) It will feel unnatural

Everything comes naturally when love is real. The spark, excitement, and even conversations flow freely.

But when you force love, even a simple thing like talking to that person becomes awkward and so painful.

You may be dating someone who doesn’t feel the same way or isn’t connecting with you on a certain level, it’s important not to persuade them into feeling something else.

Everything should flow naturally to a certain extent.

When we force things to work out, something will still feel wrong.

But when someone truly wants to be with you and loves you, this person will show his love.

8) Everything won’t feel good at all

One of the worst things that we can experience is telling someone we love them, but sadly, they don’t feel the same way.

We’re ready to give our hearts, but they just don’t love us back.

So many times I’ve thought that maybe if I do this, he will love me back.

But the bitter truth remains.

Doing it won’t be the same as receiving genuine love with a full heart.

For when love is forced, you won’t be comfortable with each other. Sharing and doing things together doesn’t feel good at all.

And the hardest part is realizing that even if you’re walking away slowly, they will never follow you back.

9) People have a mind and hearts of their own

When I experienced loving someone, and this love wasn’t reciprocated, the only thing I can do is to understand.

All of us are in charge of what we think and what we feel. No one can tell us what to do otherwise.

It’s just that sometimes, we get so wrapped up in the idea of love, the promise of forever.

We try to shape someone we love into the relationship we desire. We try to hold on to the expectations that we so wanted.

Maybe we desperately want to feel what we believe the rest of the world feels. We think that we can turn people into someone they’re not, into someone we’re supposed to be with.

Because the thing is, we can’t shape and control love.

We can’t make someone try loving us back.

10) Love isn’t about trying to fix or change someone

We forget that we shouldn’t have to twist and turn to make two people fit together.

Because when it comes to love, there are no rules, no guidelines, no dos, and don’ts. It just comes naturally.

There shouldn’t be any struggle to make things work.

You also don’t have to change who you are just to make someone love you or find love.

I know, it hurts to let go but holding on to what you’re expecting only hurts you even more.

We can’t force someone to choose us or stay in our life.

That’s a sad truth.

11) Love isn’t forcing pieces of the puzzle together

Even if you love someone, you can’t ask that person to feel the same way you do. Because love doesn’t work that way.

We can’t teach our hearts to work in a certain way or make someone feel something that they’re not ready to feel.

For when we expect this to happen beyond their reach, we’ll only get disappointed that they don’t measure up.

Love isn’t about pushing someone to play a role in your life that they don’t want to play.

You can’t demand that someone be who you want them to be.

Because love isn’t about asking someone to be someone that they’re not.

12) True love is easy

Most of the time, we forget what real love is all about. And because of that, we get tangled in the complexities that we create.

We failed to realize that love is free from rules, demands, and expectations.

We tend to search for perfection and hold people to unreachable standards.

But when we see that love comes naturally, that’s the time when love becomes simple.

When the pieces fit, we know that there are challenges, fights, and disagreements – still, things fit perfectly together.

With this person, their happiness brings light to our lives and their passions set us on fire.

13) Love has to be mutual for a relationship to work

I remember thinking, “If only I can completely share what I feel, then maybe things will be different.” I’ve been such a hopeless romantic.

But then I came to realize that love doesn’t sell one short.

Everything in life needs balance. When it comes to love and one-sided relationships, one person will end up feeling unhappy.

For a relationship to grow there has to be love, trust, support, and benefit.

That’s when you feel secure that you both love and are loved equally. It’s when there’s understanding, respect, and shared values.

You can’t force someone to love you, but you can do something to make someone love you more.

14) You deserve more than this

The best relationships are true and unconditional.

So think twice before giving space in your heart for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.

If you choose to love, do it because you want to – not because you think they will love you back.

Accept that your efforts and what you’ve given are enough – and you are more than enough.

So, why settle for someone who doesn’t love you back?

You can’t force something that isn’t meant to be in the first place.

You can’t make someone love you by giving them what they don’t appreciate. This also doesn’t have to do with your worth as a person.

15) It won’t work out

It seems so simple to love deeply and hope that everything will work out.

There’s still this feeling of trusting and holding on that makes it hard to walk away without giving it my best. And probably, I mistook those small tokens of affection and attention as love.

But this doesn’t make me resentful or angry. For I have learned to live with the truth that I can’t force someone into loving me.

Most of the time, even if we risk heartbreaks and tears, it can get wrong.

For even if we love someone with all that we have, it just doesn’t work out.

Everything was in vain. For under the surface of hope and wonder, someone can’t reciprocate that intense love that you have.

I know that no matter how hard we try, all that love we’re giving to that person serves us nothing.

Love yourself no matter what

When I let love happen naturally, that’s when my life becomes a lot more beautiful.

As hard as it may seem to be, respect the person who can’t love you back. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. Probably, this person cares for you too.

Remember that what is forced isn’t love. You can never make someone love you until they want to.

Instead, let love come to you.

The best thing to do is to let go of your expectations and everything that comes along with it.

Love yourself. Look after your emotional and physical needs.

Take time to realize that loving yourself doesn’t have to depend on someone else’s love.

Work on being the best version of yourself.

When you value yourself more, you’re going to realize that you won’t have to run after someone who doesn’t love you back.

The love you have for yourself is so powerful that it will be enough to carry you through life.

Live in this truth – you’re meant to be with someone who loves you as much as you do.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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