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“I need attention from my husband” – 19 ways to win his attraction back

Image credit: Shutterstock - Cookie Studio

Lately, you’ve been feeling like he hasn’t really been around.

Sure, you spend time together but it feels like he’s not really paying attention to you.

He’s there but he’s not really there.

When this happens, it’s not necessarily because something is wrong.

Sometimes life just gets in the way and affects how people interact with each other, especially in marriages.

If you’re feeling a bit unloved and you think your husband could be paying more attention to you, there are things you could do to bring his focus back to you without having to beg him for it.

You’re his wife, after all, and the last thing you should do is to plead for love.

Getting his attention isn’t always about the obvious, explicit things.

There are things you could tweak about the way you interact that should bring significant improvements in your life together.

Here are 19 ways to get more attention from your husband.

1. Mind the nagging

Getting his attention when he doesn’t even seem to know it can be frustrating.

You’re doing what you can to rekindle the spark and you just want him to see that you need a little bit more than what he’s giving right now.

Your husband might not always be quick to see these things.

The more you try to make him want you, the more discouraging it gets if he doesn’t respond to your initiation.

Without even knowing it, this annoyance could easily transpire in your daily interactions.

This certainly won’t help your attempt to seek out more affection from him.

One common habit that married couples get into is nagging each other.

Just minding this habit could increase your chances of rekindling that lost flame with your husband.

No one likes being hounded.

When you nag someone, it’s like you’re forcing them to ignore you.

Over time, they’ll develop a defense mechanism to just block out everything that you want to say.

So if you’re looking to get some love going, mind the nagging.

2. Make him know you’re still attracted to him

Who’s to say you’re the only one feeling a little bit neglected?

Your husband might not be showing you affection because he’s not feeling happy himself.

Over the course of many years together, he might no longer feel as confident as he once was.

Worn down by day-to-day responsibilities, paying bills, and just setting up a family together, he might no longer be in touch with the voice in his head that tells him he’s a sexy guy.

So be that voice!

You might just be what he needs to feel good in his own skin again.

If he hasn’t been affectionate lately, it might be less about you and more about how he doesn’t feel as confident in his own skin.

Give your husband a little nudge.

Compliment his appearance and remind him how handsome he truly is.

Guys need compliments too to feel good, and just a small sincere gesture can be what he needs to get all loved up with you again.

3. Give him a little mystery

Remember when dating was all about novelty?

The most exciting part about dating someone new was that you got to engage in new activities and experience new things again.

It’s only natural for the novelty to wear off with familiarity; over time, you and your husband will be so in sync that every next move you make becomes predictable.

And while there’s nothing wrong with predictability and a little bit of routine, small mysteries here and there could spark something interesting in your marriage.

Is your husband privy to every single one of your thoughts?

Consider keeping some things to yourself and engaging in activities that have nothing to do with your husband.

In marriages, it’s crucial to still feel like your partner has something new to offer, and that’s hard to imagine when you feel like you know everything about them.

So do things for yourself and remember he doesn’t always have to be in the loop.

4. Dress nicely for him

Seeing you around in sweats and oversized t-shirts won’t necessarily harm your marriage but it certainly is doing it no favors either.

It doesn’t matter how comfortable you are with each other and how unconditional your love is.

The fact of the matter is, your husband still has a beating heart, and that beating heart will respond to good-looking things.

Throw on a sexy black dress every once in a while.

Remind him why he should feel so lucky to be your husband.

Oftentimes married people forget why they were attracted to their spouses in the first place and begin to take those very things they loved for granted.

Don’t let him — put on some make-up, get dolled up, and show him exactly why he fell in love with you.

Dressing up is a great way to draw more attention to yourself.

It shows him that you’re willing to put in an effort to make the marriage exciting.

Besides, how could he possibly ignore you when you’re wearing a gorgeous dress?

6. Flirt with him

Banter and humor are crucial fuels in a relationship.

The initial “will-they-won’t-they” is arguably one of the most exciting things about the early stages of dating someone.

As with other things, familiarity makes relationships more straightforward.

Sometimes sleeping together becomes less sensual and more routine.

Don’t let that initial spark die.

Spark and romance isn’t all about international trips and doing crazy things together.

It’s not about completely deviating from your routine and finding big life-affirming events to make sure you’re still in love.

Sometimes it’s as simple as engaging him in witty banter, flirting with him, and teasing him a little bit.

Let him know that you can still catch him off guard and excite him in the smallest ways.

7. Be confident around him

Nothing is sexier than a woman who is confident in her own skin.

If you want your husband to genuinely pay attention to you because he wants to and not because you’re begging for it, showing him that you’re good energy to be around will serve as a natural magnet to him.

Men are drawn to strength.

He has his own things going on with work and other aspects of his life.

Being able to draw strength from your confidence and knowing that his wife is happily existing on her own is much better than making him feel like you’re completely dependent on him.

At the end of the day, it’s all about mystery.

Lure him in with your own confidence.

Instead of asking him to pay more attention to you, show him reasons why he should.

Attraction is fundamentally rooted in the push and pull. The more you push, the more he goes away.

But if you’re subtle with your pull and confident with every tug, your husband is sure to come running back to you in no time.

8. Initiate contact

Miss him? Give him a call.

Want to spend more time with him? Book a vacation with him.

Need him to be around the house more? Let him know.

One mistake women make in relationships is assuming the guy knows what’s going on in their heads.

If you want your husband to pay attention to you, the solution might be as simple as just managing your own schedule together.

He won’t always realize that you’re missing him until you say it.

He won’t always have the time to spend more time together unless you make it happen.

Stop waiting for him to make the first move. Start more conversations, engage him in the bedroom first, make him do things with you.

Your husband will appreciate that you’re taking the lead in the relationship and moving things forward instead of waiting for him to come up with magic plans on his own.

9. Hang out with your own friends

The best marriages are those that exist alongside other relationships.

If you’re feeling a little needy, consider taking your girlfriends out and spending some quality time with people outside of your marriage.

The reasoning behind this is so that you can still get some quality time in without essentially smothering your husband.

Marriages are at their healthiest when spouses have varying support systems that tie in with the relationship.

As much as you love your husband, it’s crucial to maintain social connections outside of your relationship to create a healthy balance.

If you’re feeling frustrated that your husband isn’t spending time with you, spend some time with your friends first and see how you feel.

Ask yourself: Is this a chronic issue or an acute one?

Does he really need to spend more time with you?

Has he really been neglectful?

10. Spice things up in the bedroom

This is probably one of the most cliche pieces of advice you’ll ever see, and for good reason.

Men are still primal beings after all.

You could be married 20 years, have children, and live good, healthy lifestyles but there’s no denying that something between you is still carnal.

Stroking his interest in the bedroom is bound to get him excited in different aspects of his life.

It’s not just about sex and it certainly is more than just about tearing each other apart like animals.

It’s about reconnecting and discovering intimacy and physical compatibility.

It’s about recommitting and making each other realize that the attraction is still very much there.

The bedroom is just one avenue for improving intimacy and strengthening your connection, but it is often a crucial starting point.

Once you get him interested, he’s bound to be more attentive in every single aspect of your marriage.

11. Notice the little things about him

If you want him to notice you more, why not lead by example?

Let him know that you still notice the little things about him; that he’s still very much interesting and intriguing to you.

Make him feel like the romance is still there and that the butterflies are still there.

At the end of the day, you give what you receive.

If you want more compliments from your husband, if you want more time together, if you want more kind, affectionate gestures, lead by example.

Giving love might be one of the best ways to receive love in return.

12. Give him some time alone

A big difference between men and women is the need to be alone.

While we all need and yearn for alone time, it’s usually the man in the relationship who needs it more than the woman.

This is due to a number of reasons: women are naturally more social and have more social bonds, whereas men usually learn how to be happy with themselves.

So committed relationships can sometimes be difficult for a man because they may tend to feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of being another person’s rock.

If your man has started to become distant from you, it might feel like you have to give him more love and attention, but that could actually be driving him further away.

Give him the space he needs to breathe.

This doesn’t mean he hates you or dislikes being married to you; it just means that he needs the time and space to relax, feel like he’s himself again, and reevaluate his life and all the great things he has in it (including you).

13. Respect who he is

When you marry a man, you might be thinking that it’s time to start building your lives together, and that means accommodating each other’s wants and needs.

You might want to “fix” the things that you think are bad about him — anywhere from the way he cleans the house to his politics and moral beliefs — and you might get frustrated when it starts to feel like you’re getting nowhere.

But remember: you didn’t marry a husband. You married a man, with his own unique thoughts, beliefs, and personality quirks.

The more you try to change him, the more he’ll resent you, even if he doesn’t have the guts to say that to your face.

If you want him to start loving you again, you need to let him be who he is.

14. Give him more incentive to make his own choices

One of the biggest reasons men fall out of love with their wives is the fact that they tend to feel that they never get to make any choices of their own anymore.

The woman dominates the man’s life, making all the major and minor decisions, and dictating everything — from where the artwork should be hung on the wall, to the color of the family SUV.

But this exhausts a husband, to the point that he forgets what it’s like to have his own say in things.

Over time, he just gets bored with the marriage and bored with his life, because he knows no number of arguments could change things.

So you need to show him that he’s free again to make his own decisions.

Incentivize him to start making those decisions again; tell him that you need his opinion, that his thoughts count, that he has the best taste.

Essentially, prove to your man that you actually care about his input on the tiniest things.

15. Be spontaneous

Maybe one reason your husband no longer gives you attention is that you stopped being the version of yourself he fell in love with: younger, livelier, and almost certainly, much more spontaneous.

Add some spice to your marriage by constantly introducing your husband to new experiences, tastes, and ideas.

Prove to him that your game plan isn’t just to grow old together — doing the same routines every day for the rest of your lives until finally you die.

Remember: age is just a number.

Just because you’ve been married for 5, 10, or 20 years doesn’t mean you’ve experienced all there is to experience together.

There’s always something new out there — go find out what that is.

16. Be positive around him

When your husband isn’t giving you the time of day, it’s easy to let that negatively affect you and be in a grumpy mood all day long.

But this just makes the problem worse, and the marriage just gets more and more frustrating for both sides until eventually one of you calls it quits.

So try to be the bigger person and don’t let his lack of attention spoil your mood. Be happy, be positive, by loving and kind.

Be the person who gives him unconditional love, and he’ll notice and appreciate that immediately.

He’ll see the error of his ways; the fact that he was ignoring an amazing, beautiful wife, and he’ll be back in your arms in no time.

17. Give him small gifts every now and then

You’re never too old (or boring) for gifts.

Giving your husband a surprise gift for no particular reason is the easiest way to turn his head.

It shows him that you still love him, despite whatever problems you two may have, and you’re willing to go out of your way to try to win his love back.

It will also make him think.

Why am I neglecting my wife?

What am I doing wrong; what is she doing wrong?

Is this marriage really something I want to give up on?

Sooner or later he’ll see that choosing you was the right choice, and he’ll make up for the lost time right away.

Just don’t give up, and he won’t either.

18. Pay attention to his love language

The honeymoon phase of a relationship (and subsequently, a fresh marriage) can blind us to a lot of things, including one very important factor: your partner’s love language.

It’s entirely possible that when your relationship was new, your husband was forcing himself out of his comfort zone and his natural love language just to please you.

If your love language is through words, and his love language is through favors, he might eventually stop pleasing you with your love language and start pleasing you with his, but you never actually realized that that’s how he expresses himself.

So ask yourself: is he truly ignoring you, or are you just not seeing his expressions of love for what they actually are?

19. Invest in yourself

The cold hard truth is that men require much more physical attraction than women do.

Whereas women can hold onto the love of a marriage through emotion and bond, men always need that level of physical, sexual attraction.

So if you’ve slowly let yourself go over the years, this may be the main reason your husband no longer gives you the same love he used to.

So work on yourself.

Start hitting the gym, or even just committing to daily home workouts.

Even the most marginal improvements will be noticeable immediately, and the renewed attention from your man will be enough motivation to keep you going until you’re as fit as you’ve ever been.

And who knows — your newfound love for exercise might inspire him to trade in the couch for the treadmill, too.

Renew the Sparks of Your Marriage Over Time

Relighting the fire in a marriage where it’s already gone out once isn’t the easiest thing to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Just because your husband isn’t as attentive as he once was, doesn’t mean your marriage is destined for failure.

In fact, this might be exactly what your relationship needed — the realization that you can’t keep a marriage going on the embers of your honeymoon alone, and that you need to learn how to love each other for decades, not just years.

 

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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