Psychologist explains why telling people your goals is a fatal mistake

Telling others about your grand plans might seem innocent — maybe even helpful for staying accountable.

But in reality, it can backfire in surprising ways.

Back when I was fresh out of university, I used to think that sharing my goals with everyone around me would keep me motivated. I’d announce a new goal and watch people’s reactions.

At first, it felt empowering.

People were impressed or supportive, and that made me feel great.

Yet oddly, that euphoria never seemed to translate into the sustained effort I needed. More often than not, I’d lose steam on my goals shortly after I’d trumpeted them publicly.

Over time, I came across a range of psychological insights suggesting that this was no coincidence.

Let’s explore what’s really going on when we turn our goals into talking points—and why it might be better to keep them under wraps.

The false sense of accomplishment

Have you ever felt that rush of pride the moment you tell someone about a new ambition?

You haven’t even started taking real steps, but there’s a weird sense of fulfillment just from speaking it out loud.

It’s not just your imagination.

In a famous 2009 study, psychologist Peter Gollwitzer found that when people share their intentions publicly, they’re less likely to follow through.

Why?

Because talking about goals can create a premature feeling of completion. Our brains are easily tricked into thinking that the social recognition we receive is a substitute for actual progress.

I’ve noticed this in my own life.

Whenever I blurted out my goals too soon, I felt as though I was already halfway there.

But that early confidence didn’t translate to the daily grind of working toward them.

I started to rely on the high of external approval rather than the real satisfaction that comes from making tangible progress.

It’s like bragging about running a marathon before even starting to train. Talking about it feels good initially, but it doesn’t move you closer to the finish line.

External validation can derail a genuine drive

Sharing our plans taps into our desire for acceptance.

We’re inherently social creatures, so when someone praises our aspirations, we get a burst of feel-good chemicals.

As noted by Carl Rogers, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, individuals seek positive regard from those around them.

When we share our goals, we often receive that immediate pat on the back, which can replace the deeper, self-driven motivation that keeps us going in the long run.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting support from others — at HackSpirit, I often talk about how important community is for mental well-being.

But relying too heavily on external validation can steer us away from focusing on what truly drives us. When we bank on others’ reactions, we risk making our pursuits more about how they perceive us rather than about the genuine desire to achieve something.

This was a lesson I took a while to learn.

When I started writing, I’d casually mention to friends, “I’m going to publish articles that get read by thousands!”

Their excitement and compliments felt reassuring.

But later, I noticed how I was relying on their praise to stay motivated instead of genuinely appreciating the craft.

Once I switched gears and wrote for the joy of writing, things changed. I found my own internal compass guiding me, rather than seeking a round of applause each time.

Negative feedback can sabotage your momentum

It’s easy to imagine that sharing your goals will only bring supportive vibes. But the reality is, not everyone will respond in a helpful way.

Some people might belittle your plans because they don’t understand them. Others could project their own fears and insecurities onto you. Suddenly, you’re not just fighting your own self-doubts but defending your dreams against outside cynics.

That initial excitement you felt can quickly morph into self-questioning. Instead of channeling energy into your goals, you’re spending time worrying about what others think.

It’s like swimming upstream with added resistance.

You might even abandon promising ideas simply because you’ve been discouraged by someone else’s skepticism.

I learned this firsthand when I told a close friend about my intention to write a book on mindfulness. I expected a pat on the back, but instead, I got, “Does the world really need another book on mindfulness?”

That one comment buried itself in my mind for weeks. I found myself hesitating whenever I sat down to outline chapters.

Luckily, I didn’t let it stop me completely — years later, I ended up writing Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. (You can check it out here).

What if I’d kept my writing goal more private, at least until I had a clearer vision? I might have avoided the detour of self-doubt triggered by someone else’s cynicism.

Although constructive criticism can be helpful, unsolicited negativity often isn’t.

It’s the difference between getting an expert editor’s feedback on your manuscript versus telling a random person about your dream and hearing them say, “That’s never going to work.”

Less accountability can be a good thing

Conventional wisdom says accountability helps you achieve goals. But there’s an important distinction between accountability partners and broadcasting your ambitions to anyone who’ll listen.

Telling everyone your plans doesn’t always create the accountability you hope for.

If anything, making your goals public might lead to illusions of accountability. People might cheer you on once or twice, but as time goes on, they often forget.

You’re left feeling less obligated to do the actual work because you got that early rush of congratulations.

In a paradoxical twist, real accountability can vanish once the novelty wears off.

Personally, I’ve found that a quiet, more selective approach works better.

If I’m working on a big project—like a course on mindfulness—I share the plan with one or two trusted friends who will check in on me consistently.

They’re not just hyped in the beginning — they actually care about my progress over time.

This way, I remain accountable to people I trust, instead of relying on social media applause that fades faster than you can refresh your feed.

This is backed by experts like Brene Brown, who has noted that vulnerability is powerful but requires boundaries.

Oversharing can leave you feeling exposed without providing genuine support.

Carefully choosing a small circle of confidants might foster authentic accountability and reduce the risk of emotional exhaustion.

Quiet focus drives better results

Last but definitely not least, there’s something to be said for good old-fashioned focus.

When your goals are mostly kept to yourself, you can channel your energy into actual execution rather than constant communication.

You’re less prone to distractions from the outside world—less worried about pleasing others or updating them on your progress.

This quieter route feels especially relevant in a culture where everyone loves to share updates on social media.

We’re almost conditioned to get validation through likes, comments, and retweets. But that constant need to provide progress reports can take your eye off the real task.

I remember the first time I decided to keep a major objective under wraps.

I was launching a new set of articles that I wanted to write on Eastern philosophy — something I was deeply passionate about.

Instead of announcing it right away, I spent months drafting, revising, and perfecting.

By the time I finally told people what I was up to, I had an entire series ready to go. The result was far more impactful because I could present a polished product instead of scattered ideas.

There’s a famous saying attributed to Lao Tzu: “He who conquers others is strong; he who conquers himself is mighty.”

I interpret this as a reminder to stay centered and rely on your inner drive.

When you focus on conquering your own limitations—your distractions, procrastinations, or uncertainties—you position yourself for genuine growth.

That’s tougher to do when external chatter draws you away from the work at hand.

Final words

Sharing big dreams can feel exhilarating at first, but it can also strip away your motivation, expose you to criticism you’re not ready for, and give you a misleading sense of accomplishment.

Instead, there’s real power in protecting your goals until they’re sturdy enough to stand on their own.

I’m not saying you should keep every dream locked away forever. But choose carefully who you confide in and when.

If you need genuine support, find a small group of people who will hold you truly accountable and provide constructive feedback.

Let your efforts speak louder than your announcements.

That sense of quiet determination—fueled by your personal drive rather than public hype—will push you further than you might imagine.

Ultimately, no one else can complete that big project for you or meet your goal in your place.

Whether you’re training for a marathon, learning a new language, or starting a business, the hard work is yours to own.

And often, doing that work in silence is the best way to ensure it actually gets done.