Chasing goals non-stop won’t make you happy — a psychologist explains why

Chasing goals used to be my idea of living well. I believed the next achievement would seal my happiness—like adding bricks to a wall of “success.”

Whenever I checked off a goal, I’d immediately set another, convinced that was the path to fulfillment.

Then I noticed something strange:

The more milestones I hit, the more anxious and unsatisfied I felt.

I’ve learned that endless ambition can create a cycle of high expectations, fleeting satisfaction, and a thirst for what’s next.

Psychologists have studied this for decades, and they’ve found that always wanting more can be counterproductive.

I’d like to share what I’ve discovered and how shifting focus from perpetual chasing to a more balanced approach has given me genuine contentment.

Why we keep chasing more

I’ve often wondered why so many of us push ourselves beyond reason.

One factor could be the messages we absorb from media and society.

Commercials and social platforms practically scream that success equals recognition, money, and status.

If you’re not “hustling,” you risk feeling left behind.

But from a psychological point of view, there’s something else at play.

Research by Richard Ryan and Edward Deci at the University of Rochester shows that intrinsic motivation — pursuing activities for internal satisfaction — often leads to deeper well-being than extrinsic motivations like status or money.

When we fixate on an external finish line, we hinge our happiness on forces outside our control, which can leave us feeling stressed or disillusioned.

I’ll be the first to admit that external praise feels nice.

I used to feed on applause, promotions, and financial perks.

That rush of validation, though, doesn’t last long.

You end up seeking a new “hit” of success to stay on that high. It can spiral into a never-ending loop, where each goal feels like a tiny step in a marathon with no finish line in sight.

The hidden cost of relentless pursuit

I remember juggling multiple projects in my mid-20s.

I was starting HackSpirit, freelancing on the side, and working out diligently because I wanted to excel in everything.

People called me “driven,” and I wore that as a badge of honor.

But behind the scenes, I was anxious, edgy, and hardly sleeping. My relationships suffered because I was too preoccupied to invest real time in others.

It took a toll on my mental health.

I convinced myself that once the business was stable or once I had a certain bank balance, I’d finally unwind and find peace.

Yet each time I got close, my mind was already moving the goalposts. It felt impossible to stop and appreciate what I had.

Psychologists have pointed out how chronic stress can weaken the immune system and elevate cortisol levels.

Continuously running at full throttle isn’t just mentally taxing; it can also harm our physical well-being.

Even if we notice the drain, it’s easy to dismiss it because we think if we just push a bit harder, we’ll reach some magical plateau of success and happiness.

But that plateau doesn’t exist.

What I realized (the wake-up call)

My turning point came when I realized I wasn’t actually enjoying the life I was building.

I’d crafted this incredible to-do list, but nowhere on that list did I see true rest or genuine connection with friends and family.

One evening, a close friend pointed out how I looked “distant” and almost always “on edge.” It wasn’t the first time I’d heard it, but for some reason, it finally stuck.

I decided to pause and question why I was so hooked on the chase.

Did I want admiration? Was I trying to prove something to myself or to others?

It occurred to me that I was pursuing goals that weren’t always my own.

I got caught up in what I thought I was supposed to want, instead of asking what genuinely brought me meaning.

I’ve talked about this in a previous post, but it’s a lesson worth repeating: when you set an objective, it helps to check if it resonates with your values, not just the values society says you should have.

Why slowing down can make you happier

Counterintuitive as it might sound, hitting the brakes often unlocks a deeper sense of well-being.

Buddhist philosophy, which I delve into in my book Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, underscores mindfulness and self-awareness.

When you’re mindful, you step off the treadmill of relentless pursuing.

You recognize that life isn’t a nonstop race; it’s a series of moments to experience as they come.

Beyond Eastern philosophy, this is backed by experts like Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, who has taught mindfulness for years.

The practice centers on paying attention to your life in real time.

When you’re constantly racing, you miss the details — those small sparks of joy that occur in daily interactions, in quiet reflection, or in the act of savoring a well-earned rest.

A quote that shifted my perspective

Tony Robbins once said, “Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.”

That line made me pause because it captured exactly how I felt whenever I hit a target yet remained strangely hollow inside.

Fulfillment doesn’t automatically ride in on the coattails of achievement.

It’s a separate piece you have to cultivate, and it usually grows through gratitude, meaningful connections, and living in alignment with your core principles.

After hearing that quote, I started to reflect on the difference between success and fulfillment.

You can succeed in the eyes of others — be recognized, admired, and rewarded. But unless you find a sense of meaning and appreciation in daily life, success alone doesn’t satisfy your deeper needs.

It’s the difference between ticking a box and feeling an inner sense of alignment.

Practical steps to find balance

I realized I needed a more balanced approach. Instead of giving up goals altogether, I chose to be more intentional and mindful about them.

Here are some methods I tried:

• Focus on fewer projects rather than spreading myself thin. Quality can matter more than quantity.
• Set checkpoints where I evaluate progress and how I’m feeling, not just how far I’ve advanced toward an external result.
• Engage in activities that feed my intrinsic motivations—like writing about topics I genuinely care about rather than whatever happens to be trending.
• Practice mindfulness — taking a few minutes each day to breathe, sit quietly, and let my thoughts settle.
• Celebrate small wins. By pausing to appreciate each step, I create space to enjoy the journey.

I’ve found that aligning goals with personal values, instead of chasing every opportunity, brings a sense of harmony.

There’s nothing wrong with ambition, but if it’s never paired with self-reflection, you can end up chasing goals that leave you feeling empty or pressured.

A book that helped me reflect

One book I found particularly helpful is Drive by Daniel H. Pink.

It digs into motivation science, focusing on autonomy, mastery, and purpose—three internal pillars that help us find sustained satisfaction.

Pink argues that real motivation flourishes when we do things for reasons that align with who we are, instead of external carrots like money or trophies.

I remember reading it and nodding along because it echoed my own experiences.

I saw where I’d been substituting external achievements for deeper purpose, and I realized how differently life could feel if I recognized that real drive is often an inside job.

To wrap things up…

Goals can be wonderful guiding lights.

But they shouldn’t run our lives to the point we ignore inner well-being, close relationships, or the simple joys that arrive unscheduled.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the trap of nonstop chasing when everyone around us praises the hustle.

However, stepping back to question what we truly want can lead to breakthroughs that endless pursuit can’t.

Recognizing that we’re more than our accomplishments or paychecks can be liberating.

When I slowed down, I noticed I felt more alive.

I had time for deeper friendships, quieter mornings, and creative bursts that felt genuine rather than forced.

My stress levels dropped, and I found that I could still achieve important milestones — just without the crippling urgency that overshadowed everything else.

True satisfaction often emerges from balanced pursuits — where you embrace growth but also make space for gratitude and meaningful experiences.

Once I allowed myself that space, everything changed for the better, and I finally felt the happiness I’d been missing all along.