Marriage is built on love and support, but sometimes our partners may struggle to show their love in the ways we would like to receive it.
If you’re feeling this way about your wife, don’t worry, you’re certainly not alone!
From unresolved arguments to external problems, there are several reasons why she may be acting this way, which we’ll explore in this article.
But most importantly, I’m going to share practical tips on what you can do to improve your relationship and encourage your wife to show you love!
Here are 10 things to do when your wife says she loves you but doesn’t show it, let’s jump in with the first step:
1) Take a step back and evaluate
Before you do anything, I suggest taking a step back and evaluating the situation.
The reason I say this is because it could be that your wife isn’t showing you love because of external reasons, or because of something that happened in your relationship.
A few things to consider are:
- Is she struggling with work/other relationships/health?
- Do you have an unresolved issue within your relationship?
- Has anything significant happened recently that could be impacting her?
I know it must be upsetting that your wife doesn’t show love, but there’s usually a reason for it – try to figure this out before you move on to the next step.
Because you’ll approach from a place of understanding rather than hurt and confusion. This will make having a conversation with her much more productive.
2) Communicate your feelings with your wife
Now that you’ve had a good think about what might be affecting your wife’s ability to show her love, it’s time for the tricky part:
You need to let her know how you’re feeling.
It could be that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing (especially if she’s stressed out with other life issues) or that she’s struggling to show you because of an unresolved issue.
Either way, find a good time and place and gently break your concerns to her.
Let her know how you feel, but be careful not to come across as confrontational or angry.
Here’s the thing, if you go in hard, she’ll get her back up.
For a productive conversation to take place, she needs to feel comfortable enough to open up and be honest with you. Only then can you start to move forward!
But the truth is, it may take a couple of honest, raw conversations to get to this point. So, in the meantime, you can:
3) Work out her love language
Look, I’m going to level with you, if you don’t know your wife’s love language, there’s a good chance she’s simply annoyed at you for not showing her love in the way she wants, so now she’s doing the same to you.
I know it sounds petty, but I know plenty of women who have gone to further lengths when they feel slighted by their husbands
So, how can you figure out her love language? Here’s an in-depth guide, but I’ll also give a quick summary:
- Words of affirmation – your wife likes to be told verbally how you feel about her. She enjoys compliments, encouragement, and words of appreciation.
- Quality time – your wife wants to spend proper time with you, where you’re both actively engaged with each other (this is not the same as eating dinner together or watching TV, it requires a bit more effort).
- Acts of service – your wife appreciates when you go out of your way for her, even if it’s something as small as making her a cup of coffee in the morning. In essence, actions speak louder than words if this is her love language.
- Gifts – your wife may desire that you show love through gifts. It doesn’t matter the monetary value but rather the thought behind them.
- Physical touch – your wife craves to be touched physically, and not necessarily just in a sexual way. Hugs, kisses, and stroking her arm are just as important.
So, after reading this list, if you’re not sure which category your wife falls into, just ask her!
Most women are aware of what is lacking in their relationships and how they want to be shown love, so it’s likely she’s already dropped hints in the past that you might have missed!
4) Share your love language with her
And while we’re on the subject of love languages, it would help if you told her yours.
Judging by the fact that you’re reading this article, it’s clear that words of affirmation aren’t enough for you; you want to be shown love differently.
So, research into it, and when you’ve figured out exactly how you’d like to be shown love, tell your wife.
But here’s the important part:
You shouldn’t make it sound like you’re requiring her to do this. Make it into a lighthearted conversation but be honest and explain how it would make you feel if she would take your suggestions on board.
Women aren’t mind readers and she may just need to be told clearly what it is you’d like!
But if communication is something you’re struggling with, it could be helpful to speak to someone who knows exactly how to fix these types of things, and I know just the guy:
Brad Browning from Mend the Marriage.
As well as practical advice on repairing your marriage, he’ll also share the three major pitfalls that cause most marriages to fail, so it’s well worth checking out his advice.
5) Create a safe space for her to be vulnerable
Now, once you’ve both spoken about your love languages, it’s time to get real with each other.
For this, you’re going to need patience, vulnerability, and trust.
If there are issues in your marriage that are holding her back from fully expressing her love to you (more than just verbally), she needs to feel safe to express this.
Be open and willing to hear her out. The very last thing you want to do is disregard her feelings, as she’ll retreat even further.
In fact, make it a habit to check in with each other regularly.
The more you both get comfortable doing this and working through any issues that may exist or arise in the future, the stronger your relationship will be, and the more she’ll be willing to show love!
6) Don’t make a huge deal out of it
We’ve covered a few practical points for you to do when your wife says she loves you but doesn’t show it.
But there’s something else that’s important to keep in mind:
This doesn’t need to blow out of proportion. And I’m in no way saying this to diminish or disregard your feelings; it’s a serious issue.
But if you make a huge deal out of it, I believe it’ll be much harder to get through to your wife.
Have the difficult conversations, share your love languages, and practice the other tips I’m about to share, but don’t turn it into a point of resentment between you.
Well, the end goal is to encourage your wife to show love in a way that makes you feel secure, happy, and well, loved!
We don’t want to push her away by making her resentful.
And on that note, let’s move on to the next point:
7) Reflect on your own behavior
It’s easy to focus on what your partner is doing or not doing, but it’s important to take a step back and consider your own actions as well.
Are you showing your love and appreciation for your wife in the ways that matter to her?
Are you being supportive and understanding, or are you taking her for granted?
You see, reflecting on your own behavior can be a challenging but valuable process.
It can help you gain a better understanding of your own actions and how they may be impacting your relationship. It can also help you identify areas where you can make improvements and show your love more effectively!
One way to reflect on your behavior is to ask yourself questions such as:
- Am I expressing my love and appreciation for my wife in ways that matter to her?
- Am I being supportive and understanding, or am I taking her for granted?
- How can I show my love more effectively and make our relationship stronger?
Remember, reflection is a process and it may take time to gain a deeper understanding of your behavior and how it’s impacting your relationship, but it’ll be so worth it in the end!
8) Make time for the relationship
Now, once you’ve reflected on your behavior and actions, it’s time to think about the ins and outs of your relationship.
The truth is, life can get busy and it’s easy to let other things take priority over your relationship. But making time for each other is crucial for maintaining a strong and healthy connection.
Here are some ways you can make time for each other:
- Set aside dedicated quality time: This could be as simple as sitting down for a meal together or going out on a date. It’s important to prioritize your relationship and make sure you’re both getting the attention and affection you need.
- Make time for intimacy: Physical intimacy is an important aspect of many relationships, and making time for it can help strengthen your bond and improve your connection.
- Do activities together: Engaging in activities that you both enjoy can be a fun and meaningful way to spend time together. This could be something as simple as going for a walk or playing a board game, or something more involved like taking a dance class or going on a hike.
- Be present: When you’re together, try to be present and fully engaged in the moment. This means putting away distractions like phones or laptops and focusing on each other.
The bottom line is:
The more you invest in your relationship, the more likely your wife will feel this effect and be willing to show you her love!
9) Look after yourself, too
Okay, up until now we’ve focussed on your wife, but it’s important that we also acknowledge your feelings.
Having a spouse who doesn’t show us love in the way we’d hope for can be really disheartening. It can make you feel insignificant and insecure, and even put doubts into your mind about the whole marriage.
So, whilst you’re going through this process, it’s essential you take time out for yourself as well as be honest and open with your wife whenever you’re feeling particularly down about it all.
Spend time with friends, pursue your hobbies, and remember: It might seem like the end of the world right now, but there’s a great possibility you could rectify this situation with your wife.
And until you do, look after yourself and your mental well-being!
10) Consider professional support
And finally, after trying all of the above, it’s time to consider therapy or counseling.
Off the bat, I want to make it clear that there’s no shame in seeking professional support!
You’d take it to the mechanics when your car breaks down, right?
And when you’re sick, you go to the doctor.
So, when your marriage is in trouble, a professional therapist or marriage coach can help you work through your issues.
But more than that, they will help you both understand how the other gives and receives love.
And in a marriage, alongside communication, this is incredibly important!
But I get it if you’re not quite ready yet to start googling marriage counselors, instead don’t forget to check out Brad Browning’s advice here.
I mentioned him before; he’s helped countless couples repair their marriages and the issue of not showing love sounds like something he can definitely help with!