“My wife hates me”: 15 signs your wife hates you (and what you can do)

My wife hates me.

She truly does.

It sounds like I am exaggerating, I understand that.

But once you read this list, you will understand fully that if anything I am in fact understating the case.

“My wife hates me”: 12 signs your wife hates you (and what you can do)

1) She rarely if ever talks to me

My wife’s a lawyer. She certainly knows how to talk, and how to lie. She does it for a living!

Yet around me you wouldn’t catch her uttering more than a word or two.

I’ve tried many times to start conversations and liven things up, but it never catches.

When she does talk to me, it sounds like a ventriloquist’s dummy squeaking out of the corner of her puffy lips (which she had Botoxed last winter).

It sucks. It really sucks.

What would we talk about anyway even if we did? I rarely get that far when thinking about this issue, but I just know I’d prefer not to feel like I’m living in a silent bubble.

Honestly, I find her kind of boring the last couple years of our marriage. I own that.

But I still wish she’d talk to me like a human being.

I’m not over here in the corner just waiting to get folded up into a coffin a few decades from now.

I’d love to be treated like I exist.

If your wife rarely talks to you and is treating you like the invisible man, there’s a good chance she hates you.

Much more will need to be done to reestablish contact and repair the bridges that have been burned.

2) She looks like she wants to murder me when we make eye contact

When it comes to eye contact, it’s ironically now me who tries to avoid it.

I do that because the times when I did try to look my wife in the eye she looked at me with a death stare that shook my bones.

I don’t want any of that voodoo creeping into my soul.

Still it was her who started it. She stopped talking to me and stopped looking at me.


I have literally no clue. I can only point to getting busier at work and having a stressful health situation that required bed rest for a couple months.

Plus there was the situation of me cheating a number of years ago, which I’ll get to later.

But I truly thought that was in the past and we’d moved on.

We worked on our marriage and had reached quite a stable place as of several years ago.

Finding that we’re now back to this silent war has been very dispiriting for me and I find myself struggling to know exactly what about me is such a drag for her.

I can’t locate any definable point other than my illness when she seemed to check out.

I just want my wife to look me in the eye and tell me what’s wrong.

I’m sorry that my face is such a strain on her, but I’d kind of like my marriage back now…

3) She left me nowhere else to turn

No, I didn’t start using hard drugs or pursuing random women…

I already got that out of my system in my 20s…

But no, what I’m talking about is how my dear wife pushed me into the arms of strangers who know a lot about relationships.

These fine individuals are also known as love coaches, relationship experts, or in my mind they are known as the people who basically saved my life.

I was low-down in a way I hate to even think about.

I started looking around for someone to help, because I was really at my wit’s end and needing a friendly and expert voice on the other end of the line.

While this article explores the main signs your wife is falling out of love with you and dislikes you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like.

They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge and watching their marriage fray apart.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago about this awful situation of feeling like my wife was so estranged from me.

After being lost in my thoughts for so long, these skiled coaches gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

If your wife is displaying a lot of resentment towards you, don’t give up. It’s often something you can begin to decode and solve with the help of a relationship coach.

4) She constantly flirts with other men in front of me

My wife flirts often with other men in front of me.

I don’t mean when we’re out together because we never go out together anymore except very rarely to doctor’s appointments or occasionally to take our kids to sports or other places.

My wife doesn’t bother flirting in person, at least not what I’ve seen.

I mean on her phone.

If I even just casually glance in her direction, she’s pursing her lips and sexting some man.

She’s also openly admitted and basically downplayed my concerns.

I should mention my medical problem previously involved some issues with erectile dysfunction, so her point is very obvious.

Like I wrote about earlier, I was unfaithful to my wife years ago.

Years ago I cheated on her and was caught, and it seems like she still wants revenge and is enjoying making me feel like less of a man.

I’m not enjoying it.

The affair was short-lived and I saw a coworker for two months on and off. I got busted, and I felt a ton of shame.

I apologized profusely and we attended couples counseling at that point.

We really crested that hill and had gotten to a better place in our marriage, so seeing us sink down once again into this is just horrific.

I wish I could feel more optimistic about the future, but I’ve reached a point where I feel supremely frustrated.

5) She has no time for me on her schedule

We don’t go out together. The last time we even shopped for groceries together or went to dinner is literally over a year ago.

My wife has no time for me on her schedule.

If this is happening to you then you can be sure your wife hates you or has some kind of issue with you (or with herself, or both).

It’s awful to know that I’ve devoted over 10 years of my life to a woman who doesn’t have time for me now.

She has a job, true, but it’s more than that.

She simply has no space allocated for me, her husband.

I’m simply a set piece who’s expected to sometimes cook dinner or show up to take the garbage out. This marriage has become such a drag.

6) She pits our kids against me

When it comes to huge signs your wife hates you, look at using your kids against you.

We have two girls and my wife consistently pits them against me.

It’s so upsetting, but if I get angry it scares the girls who are both in their preteens.

I don’t want to come across as the big bad man and confirm all the worst things my wife has said about me to them.

I try to privately take this up with my wife.

Even if she’s in a bad mood or frustrated with me, I implore her to please not bring our kids into it.

To me it’s really so disappointing to see my wife pitting our kids against me, and it’s not something I ever envisioned happening when I thought about parenting.

I knew it would be hard, confusing, maybe even sometimes restrictive.

But I never imagined it would be this kind of ongoing psychological war in which the woman I love is trying to get my own flesh and blood to think I am untrustworthy and bad.

If your wife is doing this then she’s definitely got something against you.

Something that you’ll have to do your best to resolve for the good of your own kids, if nothing else.

7) She’s all dressed up, but not for me…

My wife is a red hot woman. She’s also a redhead, incidentally.

Anyway, our burning hot connection physically is what first drew me to her and it was only later that we developed a deeper romantic link.

She has a wonderful sense of style, but when we’re both around home my wife wears sweatpants and old T-shirts.

However many times I notice her getting very dolled up to go out with her “girls” (friends) and sometimes to vaguely described events.

I do believe my wife is cheating on me.

I’ve brought it up and she just laughs it off or winks and says I worry too much.

Then I feel like I’m being possessive and paranoid by bringing it up or having suspicions.

8) She’s permanently checked out of the bedroom

Our sex life used to be on fire, but it’s gotten to a point where we rarely even share the same room and when we do we roll to either side of the bed.

She reads her phone, I read my book, then the lights go off. Then we do it all again the next day.

Rinse and repeat.

My sex life has become looking at pornography, and as far as I know hers has become flirting with other men.

It’s a disappointing place to be at.

If you’re suffering through this I sympathize, and it’s not easy to make progress on.

Sex therapists are one way to approach this, as well as one-on-one communication with your partner as much as this is possible.

9) She makes me feel so stressed I’m short of breath

By now it’s probably obvious that I still love my wife.

Nobody would have so much anger as I do if they weren’t still in love with someone who seems not to feel the same.

It’s become so bad at times that I literally find myself short of breath under the stress of living with a spouse who seems to hate my guts.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

When I felt the most lost in life and overcome by these frustrations with my wife, I was introduced to an unusual free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê, which focuses on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace.

My relationship was failing, I felt tense all the time. My self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom. I’m sure you can relate – heartbreak does little to nourish the heart and soul.

I had nothing to lose, so I tried this free breathwork video, and the results were incredible.

But before we go any further, why am I telling you about this?

I’m a big believer in sharing – I want others to feel as empowered as I do. And, if it worked for me, it could help you too.

Rudá hasn’t just created a bog-standard breathing exercise – he’s cleverly combined his many years of breathwork practice and shamanism to create this incredible flow – and it’s free to take part in.

If you feel a disconnect with yourself due to relationship problems and frustrations, I’d highly recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.

Click here to watch the video.

10) She criticizes me like a steam locomotive on fire

My wife nags me a lot. It started out kind of easygoing with a few comments about how I dressed and my laziness around home and escalated from there.

She criticizes me relentlessly now, often with just a downwards sarcastic glance.

I shrug it off as much as possible, but I admit that my patience is wearing thin.

There’s just such a power imbalance by this point that I feel like she’s kicking me when I’m down.

It’s very hard for me to maintain my composure, and I admit I’ve lashed out a few times with frustration, telling her to shut up or back off.

I’m not proud of that reaction, but it is what it is.

At this point I’d just love for there to be some kind of resolution or bridge in our relationship that would really stick.

11) She walks out of the room when I enter it

My wife tends to physically leave the room when I’m in it.

If I’m in the kitchen, she leaves to the living room.

When she’s drinking coffee and I show up to make some toast, she just happens to be finishing up and picking up her keys to head to work.

She knows that I’m noticing these behaviors of hers and that I don’t like it, but there’s no law requiring her to be in the same room as me.

So raising these frustrations to her has been difficult.

She says she understands but that she’s just very busy.

It looks more to me like our marriage is collapsing.

If your wife physically avoids you when you walk in a room it’s one of the clearest signs your wife hates you.

12) She avoids making eye contact with me

My wife avoids making eye contact with me whenever possible. When she does, it looks like she wants to murder me, like I was mentioning earlier.

It’s an awful feeling to know the woman I love is feeling this way about me and wants to look away from me like this.

The day was when we would look in each others’ eyes and be lost in love.

Now she looks down or to the side almost all the time that I even look in her direction.

It makes me have a sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach.

If you’re wondering if your wife hates you, watch her eyes.

Does she avoid your gaze?

How does she look when you do catch her eye?

The eyes truly are the window to the soul.

13) She financially plans without me

My wife and I have a house together and raise two kids. That involves a lot of financing planning.

We do our taxes separately and I recently found out she’s also been financially planning and investing without me, including portions of our shared funds.

That was a nasty surprise indeed.

If your wife is doing this she at the very least does not respect you.

Financial respect is an absolute necessity in a marriage, and it’s important to be clear about drawing the line of what you will tolerate or not.

I personally closed our joint account and let her know that I want to be consulted on any major future financial decisions involving the both of us.

14) She talks bad about me behind my back

My wife talks bad about me behind my back.

I know that because a mutual friend told me just two weeks ago that he’d heard I was having trouble at work and considering a new career.

I’m not having trouble at work. I’m also not considering a new career.

But thanks to my wife for putting potential clients in jeopardy if they get wind of this kind of baseless gossip…

If your wife is spreading gossip about you, even true gossip, she definitely hates you. This is not the behavior of a woman who respects and wants to support her man.

15) She tells me to my face that I’m an asshole

This last point is going to be a no-brainer, but it’s important to sometimes remind people about things.

If your wife tells you that you’re an asshole it’s a clear sign she hates you.

It can be just a temporary pique of anger or jealousy, for sure. But sadly it’s often more.

Once your spouse and forever partner is speaking to you in these kinds of disrespectful ways, you can be very sure your marriage is in big trouble.

My wife never used to curse at all, especially towards me.

But after I cheated was when she first called me an asshole and seemed to place me in the category of an unwanted burden and bad guy.

I’m trying my best not to live up to the role she’s decided I fit into.


The website Reddit has a section that I sometimes read for laughs called AITA (Am I the Asshole?)

So now I want to open this up to the public.

Am I the asshole here? Should I resign from this marriage or should I try to be a much better husband?

What exactly am I doing wrong!

I’m willing to make this marriage work, but I’d love to know that my wife is also invested and wants to do her part as well.

Working together to break through the hate

If your wife hates you, then you might wonder why she doesn’t just divorce you.

In some cases it could be financial and it could also be that she just wants to avoid the hassle of a divorce and all the attendant legal complications.

In my marriage I firmly believe that my wife still loves me.

Hold on, you might say, haven’t I spent this article talking about how much she dislikes me?

Yes, I have.

But I believe that is her love language and way of telling me that she’s struggling.

I don’t accept her mistreatment or believe it’s legitimate, I just believe that we can work through this.

With the tools I’ve been lucky enough to find through breathwork and the help of love coaches at Relationship Hero, I am slowly but surely gaining more inner confidence.

My wife and I even had a full and somewhat productive conversation several days ago.

We’re not there yet. I think I still annoy her plenty.

However I see a brighter day on the horizon.

Progress is being made.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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