“My twin flame won’t talk to me”: 5 things you can do about it

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It sucks when someone you like is ignoring you.

And when that person is your twin flame? It’s just the worst feeling in the world!

There’s no easy answer why your twin flame is ignoring you — sometimes they don’t even know why — but don’t fret. You might just be getting into another phase of your twin flame relationship.

Of course, you must take care not to smother them with your presence or else you’ll end up pushing them even further away, and you don’t want that.

In this article, I will instead tell you about the things you can do when your twin flame isn’t talking to you and help you figure out why they’re pulling away.

1) Give them space (you have no choice anyway)

The thing with Twin Flame relationships is that they’re charged full of energy, and that energy isn’t always good.

Sometimes it can be so overwhelming that it leaves your twin flame scared, confused, and exhausted. And when those energies snap, your twin flame will suddenly find it a good idea to start running away,

This is called soul shock. It’s one of the first steps leading into the start of a Twin Flame Runner Dynamic, where one of you — often the feminine aspect — plays the role of the chaser while the other, often the masculine aspect,  plays the role of the runner.

Soul Shock can happen during your first meeting when a spark goes off just right, or during big arguments in an established relationship where you butt your philosophies at each other.

And in times like these, when they pull away from the shock, it’s best to give your twin flame some space to breathe and work out their emotions.

2) Keep things light

But aren’t you supposed to chase them? After all, your role is that of the chaser?

Some people will see and know the signs for what they are — maybe it’s how you realized that they’re your twin flame, even — but “some” is not everyone and those who aren’t aware will flee.

In fact, the runner in the twin flame relationship runs usually because they aren’t aware of what they’re in.

And being the chaser doesn’t mean you have to be going after them every minute of every day.

The runner is scared, and going after them like a bloodhound will only make it worse.

So give them some space but also try to reach out when you can! Just don’t flood them with a hundred messages a day.

Throw them a message or two wishing them well and asking how they are.

Also, pay extra close attention to what you’re saying. Think and reread what you’ve written before you press that ‘send’ button.

3) Distract yourself with friends and hobbies

Worrying too much about your twin flame — “will they answer?”, “did they see your 15th message?” — is going to drive you nuts!

If you keep on worrying about your twin flame’s responses to your messages, you’ll be tempted to send them more messages. And when you’re met with silence or annoyance?

It’s going to ruin you!

It’ll hurt and you’ll start thinking all sorts of dark things.

Honestly, until your twin flame decides to open up to you, there’s little you can really do but wait.

Until then, it’s important to keep yourself grounded by talking with friends and indulging in your hobbies again.

Again, this doesn’t mean you should forget or neglect your twin flame. It means you just have to live life in the present and stop waiting anxiously for anything — yep, twin flame included.

4) Get their attention using the hero instinct

Your twin flame isn’t responding to you because they don’t have a reason to. You’ve got to send something their way that’ll capture their attention AND get a response from them.

So what is the hero instinct and how can it help you?

Well, it’s quite simple, really.

There are three main drivers that all men have, deeply ingrained in their DNA. When these drivers are triggered, they feel content, secure, and happy. They also take more notice of the woman triggering these feelings.

This comes from a revolutionary concept called the hero instinct, coined by relationship expert James Bauer.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”. Will your twin flame really need to feel like a hero just to talk to you again?

No. It has nothing to do with Marvel Studios. There’s no need to play the damsel in distress to attract him back into your life.

Making him feel like a hero triggers innate feelings – feelings so deep that he’ll get over whatever is stopping him from talking to you.

So what do you need to do?

It’s easy – just make small changes to how you treat him. When you awaken his inner hero, forget about him ignoring you, he won’t be able to stay away!

And the best way to do this is by checking out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

That’s the beauty of the concept — it’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to him to not only end his painful silence but also make your feelings mutual.

All of that and more is revealed in this simple and genuine explanation of the hero instinct. Make sure to watch the video before making your move.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

5) Do some self-reflection too

Unless your twin flame is not yet evolved, they won’t go cold on you or ghost you for nothing.

When you’re in a stable state of mind, try to think about why your twin flame might be avoiding you.

It’s important that you take the time to reflect as this leads to the growth and change that is at the heart of the Twin Flame dynamic.

Twin flames reflect off of each other. They force each other to confront the good and the bad that exists within themselves. Twin flames help each other become the best they can be and achieve an elevation in your mutual egoic levels.

Have you done anything at all that could’ve pushed them away?

If you just couldn’t think of any reason, maybe the universe is telling you to think more deeply…to broaden your perspective.

And even if you could find a somewhat obvious reason, say, you and your twin flame getting into an argument that both of you were too hard-headed to give up on, you must try and look deeper. Sometimes things can be more than what they may seem sometimes.

And who knows, maybe your twin flame is also keeping their distance because you reflected to them a flaw that they realized they needed to fix in themselves.

Once you have identified what needs working on, you can then take steps to fix it so that the next time you get together with your twin flame, you’re not going to butt each other on the head over the same old issues.

But what about when you finally get to talk to them again?

So let’s say your waiting paid off, and your twin flame reached out to you or they responded to your attempts at reaching out to them.

What do you do now?

1) Don’t try to make it too big a deal

Even if your twin flame is willing to talk to you again, you should probably not do anything that might scare them away. So keep all those dramatics at bay.

Stay calm, keep it casual.

Don’t make your feelings way, way too obvious or you might end up scaring them off again.

You have to understand and let them understand that this is the twin flame dynamic and it’s necessary for both of you to grow.

Whatever feelings they might have, don’t drown it away with too much of your own. Don’t think of your conversations as being about you. Think of it as being about them.

Even if they feel about you the same way you feel about them, it’s best to let them come to that conclusion themselves. At least for now.

2) Listen to them with all ears and eyes and heart

There’s a big difference between talking to people and talking with people, and you’ll want to talk with your twin flame, not to them.

Go with the flow of conversation and trust them. Don’t judge and don’t try to get defensive.

Even if you end up thinking things like “Man, that’s so unfair! That’s not how it happened!” or “This is ridiculous!”, shut up and let them talk. Again, at least at first.

3) Put yourself in their shoes (no really, do it!)

Set aside any excuses and arguments on your end and try to understand that what your twin flame is telling you is how they perceive your actions.

All too often, we end up getting too stuck in our own perspectives that we forget or fail to see how others see us.

Remember that these talks are not about logic. They’re about emotions, feelings, perceptions. Don’t dismiss or ignore something they said simply because it doesn’t make sense to you.

If it looks like you’re in the wrong, even if you don’t agree, apologize and be sincere about it. Don’t go “I’m sorry, but…” — your apology should never come with a but.

Apologies should be unconditional.

4) But of course, tell them how their pulling away affected you

You’re a twin flame, their equal, not a doormat.

When they’re done, try to offer your side. But, as I have just said, again and again, be careful.

Don’t try to invalidate what they have told you, or say things in a way that might paint them in an unnecessarily bad light. However, you have to communicate how you feel, too.

It’s all in the delivery.

Once they’ve vomited their bad feelings, ask them if you can talk. Then explain your side and how you feel.

Say “I” instead of “You”:

“I felt…”, “I think” versus “You’re like this” and “You’re like that”

Don’t be so certain about stuff.


“Maybe I’m wrong but…” or “ Sorry if I sound whiny but…”

5) Don’t demand an apology

Wait for them to give one themselves, and acknowledge it if they do. But don’t be too upset if they aren’t willing to give you one.

A respectful conversation with you and your twin flame talking with one another — listening to one another, trying to understand each other’s perspectives and emotions — is what you want to achieve.

This can lead to good personal growth for both of you and builds the foundations of a stronger, more stable relationship.

#6 Try to compromise

Now that you both understand each other’s grievances (if there are any at all!), then work on a compromise.

This can be rough so be ready! Sometimes you’ll need to settle on a compromise that will leave you with less than you wanted. But… maybe being able to accept such compromises was the point in the first place.

Would you rather your twin flame be gone out of your life completely or would you be alright with some restrictions just to keep their company?

Such a situation would have to be negotiated between you and your twin flame because different pairs will have different levels of tolerance.

Try to put any lessons you’ve learned from your self-reflections here. This is the culmination of this episode of your journey with your twin flame.

The conclusion of the runner-chaser dynamic you have been playing, and this is where you give it meaning.

There will be more episodes later. So long as there remains room for you to grow, there will be more conflicts and lessons for you to face together. Maybe next time YOU will be the runner, and they’ll be the chaser.

But what if you fail?

You can try for a compromise. However, trying for something does not mean you’re going to be guaranteed to get it.

Sometimes you just can’t find a middle ground between you and your twin flame and sometimes it’s just better to say goodbye.

Think about it like this: It could be that they weren’t your twin flame after all.

Or, it could be that they are indeed your twin flame, and their chapter in your life is over.

See, twin flames are not necessarily meant to be there to be your forever lover.

In fact, given that twin flames often reflect the worst traits, fears, and traumas right back at each other means that while they help each other grow, their relationship is going to be incredibly volatile.

While it’s possible for twin flames to remain close friends or lovers in their journey together, more often than not that volatility will end up pushing them apart once their role in each other’s lives is over with.

In that case, it could be that your twin flame’s presence in your life is to prepare you for your true love.

Maybe you’re brought together by the universe so you can see your flaws and fix them for the person who’s actually meant for you.

So even if you do end up saying goodbye to your twin flame, don’t be too sad— be grateful instead of their presence in your life, no matter how brief or enduring.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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