“My soulmate is married” – 13 tips if this is you

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It may feel like it should be the start of a beautiful fairytale. Perhaps it is a connection like you’ve never felt before. You feel like you’ve finally met your soulmate.

But this happily ever after has a serious problem standing in the way. Your soulmate is already married.  There is nothing more crushing than thinking ‘I found my soulmate but we can’t be together.’

But can you be married and have a soulmate? In this article, we’ll look at what to do if your soulmate is in a relationship.

Soulmates separated by marriage

Most of us grow up bombarded with a heavily romanticized view of love. Everything from the fairytales we were read as children to Hollywood movies, and the music we listen to.

Love in the real world feels a lot different. It is a complicated thing, filled with ups and downs, joys and sorrows. But there’s no denying that love exists. And for many, finding true love means meeting your soulmate.

A soulmate is someone who shares your deepest values and beliefs. They are someone whose personality complements yours perfectly. Someone who makes you laugh until you cry. Someone who makes you smile every time you see them.

Your soulmate is someone who brings out the best in you. Someone who will always be there for you. Someone who understands you better than anyone else.

Someone who makes you feel special. Someone who makes you think about life differently. Someone who makes you appreciate everything around you. Someone who makes you believe in magic.

But the concept of soulmates is also very misunderstood too. Rather than being one singular person, you may in fact have several soulmates. Neither is a soulmate necessarily destined to be a romantic partner.

“My soulmate is married” – 13 tips if this is you

1) Understand what a soulmate is (and what it isn’t)

What are the signs of a true soulmate? A soulmate is simply someone who you really click with. You get them, and they get you. It often feels like an effortless connection. Someone who supports you to become your happiest version.

But whilst it’s someone who you feel strongly connected to, it’s important to realize that it shouldn’t be in a needy way. Our soulmates are here to enhance our lives but we are not dependent on them.

As Mary C. Lamia Ph.D. puts it in Psychology Today:

“The term “soulmate” implies a special affinity, understanding, or powerful bond that exists between one person and another.”

When you look at it this way, it’s not quite as mystical as it sometimes sounds.

Whilst we should embrace the beauty of strong connections in life, it’s important to not overly romanticize love in any form (even soulmates).

If we do, we run the risk of getting lost in the projection and fantasy of divine love, rather than the reality of flawed human love.

2) You can have more than one soulmate

You might assume that everyone on Earth has just one soulmate. After all, how could there possibly be more than one?

But actually, there are multiple souls who share your way of looking at the world, and who can inspire you to become a better person.

Each of these souls is unique, and so too will be your relationship with them. When we meet someone to who we feel magnetically drawn, it can be hard to imagine we will ever feel this way again.

But plenty of people believed they’d met their soulmate, only to find later down the line that this wasn’t the soulmate they were destined to be with. Unexpectedly another soulmate entered their life instead.

3) Not all soulmate relationships are meant to be romantic

It’s easy to confuse soulmate relationships with romantic ones. After all, you’re attracted to someone because they make you feel good.

However, it’s important to remember that some soulmate connections aren’t meant to lead anywhere romantically. In fact, many soulmate connections are platonic.

Platonic friendships are about having fun together, sharing experiences, and supporting each other through whatever challenges come along. They don’t need to be romantic in order to work.

Soulmate connections can be anything from friends to siblings to parents to teachers to co-workers. The point is that if you find someone who makes you feel good, then you want to spend time with them.

And even though you may think you’ve found your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that you’ll automatically fall in love with them.

4) Your soulmate doesn’t “complete you”

When you hear the term soulmate, most likely you’re picturing an ideal romantic partner. Someone who completes you. Someone who makes your heart skip a beat. Someone who fills you with joy and happiness.

The truth is that you don’t need to meet your soulmate to find meaning in life or to experience deep emotional fulfillment.

In fact, finding meaning in life has nothing to do with meeting your soulmate, and everything to do with you.

So if you find yourself thinking that your soulmate is the answer to all your problems, know that this isn’t true.

Your soulmate is simply the person who brings out the best in you. But they are not your other half, as you are already whole.

And as much as you might wish for a romantic connection, it’s possible to find this kind of connection elsewhere.

5) Being soulmates doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior

Right now, you may think that this married person is “the one”. Only time will tell whether that is true or not.

It’s tempting to put your own happiness first, using the justification that you two are soulmates. But remember that embarking on an affair with someone who is married has consequences.

You run the risk of seriously hurting them, their spouse, any children they may have, and yourself in the process.

Infidelity comes with long-term psychological consequences. As cited in Psych Central:

“Dr. Dennis Ortman describes those who’ve discovered a partner’s affair as traumatized. Ortman names this trauma response Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD), in his 2009 book. You might experience symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress.

“Instead of a shock to your system, as with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), discovering cheating can be a mental shock to the system you’ve built as a couple.”

The fact that you’re both soulmates doesn’t mean that you can ignore the feelings of others.

Whatever you decide to do, be mindful of the impact that your actions could have on other people.

6) The Universe works in mysterious ways

If you believe that you and your soulmate have been brought together for a reason, then you also need to trust the process.

Sometimes, even though two people are deeply connected, fate has something else planned for them.

As such, it’s important to understand that our lives don’t always turn out how we expect. This is why it’s wise to remain open to new opportunities and possibilities.

We often find it difficult to let go of control. We think we know what will make us happy and become fixated on making things go a certain way.

But what if the Universe knows what it’s doing? Trying to push and struggle against the flow of life is futile.

Right now it may feel frustrating or even infuriating to think that your soulmate is married. But there is no way to know what will happen. Or how this will all play into the overall picture of your life story.

It’s best to try and keep an open mind, rather than get attached to any particular outcome.

7) There will be limitless chances for love

Know this — the Universe does not want to make you sad.

Many people think that if their soulmate is already married then they’re doomed to be alone forever. The idea is that since your soulmate is already taken, you won’t get another chance. You’ll never find true love again.

However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The Universe doesn’t work like that.

There will always be new opportunities for love. There will always be endless chances for romance. There will always be people who are looking for love just like you.

When one door closes in life, the Universe will open another one for you. It is almost like a Sat Nav that is constantly recalculating the route depending upon the paths you take.

There are limitless ways to go on your life’s journey.

8) Your soulmate probably won’t leave their spouse

Statistically speaking, most affairs last anywhere from 6 – 24 months.

Don’t assume that your love is different because you are soulmates. The sad truth is that there are lots of people who embark upon affairs genuinely believing their partner is “the one” and it will all be worth it in the end.

Later down the line, they are devastated to realize ‘my soulmate won’t leave his wife’ (or husband).

Of course, every situation is unique, and this is nothing to do with making a moral judgment on cheating or affairs. But it’s also wise to be aware of the facts. And the facts say that most affairs do not end in a happily ever after.

In fact, studies have shown that affairs tend to not last long at all.

  • 25% of affairs last under a week
  • 65% last under six months
  • 10% last more than six months

It could take months or years before your soulmate leaves their partner, or they may never do. Putting you under emotional strain whilst you wait in limbo.

Even when you truly believe that this is your soulmate, don’t let your heart completely rule your head. Be sure that you know what you’re getting into before you commit to anything.

9) Allow the situation some time and space

Telling yourself that not all soulmate connections are necessarily romantic may do very little to stop your feelings. Especially if you are attracted to someone who is married.

Right now you are most likely confused and feeling torn over what to do for the best. You may even feel like your heart and your head are telling you different things.

Perhaps you have heard the expression ‘when you don’t know what to do, do nothing’. This can provide some good advice when your soulmate is married.

Taking some space away from the intensity of the situation can help you to think more clearly. Give yourself time before you make any decisions about how to proceed.

If it’s possible, avoid seeing this person for a little while. It certainly doesn’t need to be forever. But even a few weeks may give you some much-needed perspective.

10) Don’t try to force them to change their mind

You may want to tell your soulmate that he/she should consider leaving his/her marriage.

However, you shouldn’t try to force them out of their marriage — even if you know your strong feelings are reciprocated.

If your soulmate has made an informed decision to stay with their spouse, then you must try to respect and honor their wishes.

11) Decide what you want and set boundaries

Soulmate or not, you need to put limits around your relationship. Initially, that means working out exactly what you truly want.

Be honest with yourself about how you feel and the situation. A few things to consider may be whether you know that they feel the same as you, or if this could this be unrequited love.

Do you want to be in a relationship with them? Are you prepared to be their bit on the side? What if they have no intention of leaving their spouse?

These are all important questions to ask yourself before going any further. You may realize that despite your feelings you don’t feel right taking things any further whilst they are still married.

Creating healthy boundaries is key. Making sure you know how you feel, and what is and isn’t acceptable to you will help you to respect and protect yourself moving forward.

12) Know that if you’re meant to be together you will be

It’s tempting to turn the situation into a Romeo and Juliet, star-crossed lovers scenario. But know that ultimately if the other person wants to be with you badly enough, they will be.

You are both adults who are responsible for making decisions in your own lives.

This is a good thing. It is an empowering way of looking at things. It means that you’re not victims of what is happening to you. You always have choices in life.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you always get what you want. But self-responsibility means owning your role in something.

The exact same goes for your soulmate too. That means if they genuinely do love you, and you are the most important person to them, they will make necessary sacrifices to ensure they can be with you.

If they don’t, then sadly it may not be the love you thought it was.

13) Should you try to move on?

It’s normal to feel sad and confused when you discover that your soulmate is married. Learning how to deal with being in love with someone you can’t have isn’t easy.

Some people in this situation may choose to let go of their hopes and dreams of finding a soulmate who is available. But others will decide to focus on the positive aspects of their lives and try to move forward.

Whilst you’re allowed to grieve what you feel is a lost opportunity, don’t dwell and let it get you down.

Rather than sitting around and waiting for this person, get out there and focus on yourself.

Build your own self-esteem and confidence, go out with friends, try to meet new people, and focus on your interests and hobbies.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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