I’ve been married for ten years. And I didn’t even commit any crime!
I’m joking, don’t worry.
Honestly, my marriage is a joke and I’m just about ready to walk away. There are plenty of issues, but they all boil down to one really annoying, irritating, hurtful, disappointing thing.
My husband treats me like I don’t matter. He does so constantly, and I’ve reached the end of my rope.
I want to give tips to women in similar situations. This isn’t OK, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.
“My husband treats me like I dont matter” – 16 tips if this is you
1) Remind him you exist
There’s no excuse for your husband ignoring you.
But there are plenty of excuses he’ll have.
We’ve all heard them:
- He’s busy and stressed at work
- He doesn’t have time to talk about every emotion you feel
- He’s got important decisions to make that don’t concern you
- He’s under tons of pressure and you’re only making it worse
I’ve heard my husband say those things so much that I can practically recite them by now.
Can I be overwrought and emotional sometimes?
Hell yes. I’m a woman.
But come on, guys.
The point is: you need to remind your husband that you exist and show him that his neglect isn’t OK with you.
Some guys get it. I hope my husband gets it soon, too.
“I promised her in front of hundreds of people we knew that I would love and honor her all the days of my life. In good times, and in bad.
And then I didn’t do that. I didn’t do it in the bad times because I didn’t “feel” like it.
Because it wasn’t easy or convenient.,” is what self-described “shitty husband” Matthew Fray admits to readers.
It reminds me a lot of my husband, and I think Fray is on point here.
2) How do you treat your husband?
Then take a look at how you treat your husband.
Admittedly, you might not be the most neutral observer. In my case, I’m a sassy lass but I honestly believe that I am very loving, attentive and respectful toward my husband.
It would appear that this behavior on my part isn’t doing it for him, for some reason.
Dr. Jenev Caddell teaches that partners must remain accessible, responsive and emotionally engaged.
Where is your husband falling short on this list? Let me list the ways…
- He’s a selfish lover
- He doesn’t clean up after himself
- He decides almost everything without consulting me, like where we’ll vacation, financial issues and what big purchases we’ll make
- He rarely answers my calls or texts
- He hasn’t opened up to me about how he feels in literally years.
So, there you have it…
Where are you falling short (if anywhere)?
Like I said, I think I’m doing pretty damn well, especially considering the way my husband condescends, mansplains and neglects me on a daily basis.
3) Trigger his inner hero
I came across this concept a few months ago that made a real splash with me.
My husband has clearly lost interest in our relationship emotionally and physically, and I wanted to know why.
I came across this concept called the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
I’m already seeing some results with my guy, which is honestly something of a miracle at this point!
4) Tell him you miss him
Next up, tell him you miss him.
It sounds basic, and it is.
I honestly thought this would come off super whiny and cringe, but when I said it in a normal and understated way, my husband actually did respond a little.
He apologized for being emotionally absent and being a dick.
And speaking of dick, well…yeah.
The point is that ever since my husband switched off I’ve been really tempted to just go after him and cut him down to size.
Who the hell does he think he is? Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to shout that?
But instead of accusing him, I just told him I miss him.
“If you’re lonely for his time, attention, or affection, try these three magic words: ‘I miss you.’”
That’s the advice of relationship coach Laura Doyle, and it’s so true.
5) Find out what’s up with him
Like I said, this is not about making excuses or justifications for your husband.
But it does help to find out what’s going on on his side.
If he’s emotionally clammed up that can be hard to do, which is why it’s key to approach with some caution.
“There are things that your mate needs to deal with, and they may be withdrawing from you for selfish reasons, but that can’t stop you from taking the steps that you know you need to take.
“Both parties must be prepared to make apologies and extend forgiveness as part of your recovery from the emotional detachment,” is the advice from Dr. Dave Currie and Glen Hoos.
Are they right? I believe they are, and it definitely resonates with my experience.
I know my husband has had issues at work and various family problems, which has helped explain his downward slide the last two years.
It actually doesn’t make me feel any better, because I don’t see why I should the weakest link who he forgets about in hard times.
But it definitely helps me see links about the cause.
6) Don’t try to force it
When dealing with a negligent husband, it’s easy to get to the end of your rope and just unleash everything on him.
I’ve had a few tense moments, that’s for sure.
Times when I demanded him to show up for our relationship and get real.
But nothing came of that except backward steps taken.
What I learned from this is that my husband was choosing to ignore me, not doing it without noticing.
And I also realized that if he was going to see me as his wife once again it would have to fully be his voluntary choice.
One technique that I’ve been using with quite a bit of success is knowing the right words to say.
It sounded like nothing at first, but this is actually starting to totally change our relationship’s burnt-out dynamic for me – and for him.
Instead, men choose women who they are infatuated with. These women stir up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them by what they say in their texts.
Want a few simple tips to be this woman?
Then watch Clayton Max’s quick video here where he shows you how to make a man infatuated with you (it’s easier than you probably think).
Infatuation is triggered by a primal drive deep within the male brain. And although it sounds crazy, there are a combination of words you can say to generate feelings of red-hot passion for you.
To learn exactly what these texts are, watch Clayton’s excellent video now.
7) Live your own life
Another important aspect of dealing with a husband who treats you like you don’t matter, is to get on with your own life.
There are steps you can and should be taking to repair your marriage, but it’s also vital that you begin to set your own schedule and pursue your own priorities.
Waiting for your husband to become attracted to you once again or take an interest in what you say is exhausting and disempowering.
It won’t lead anywhere good.
The key here is to begin living your life and wait for him to catch up.
If he still shows no interest then he can’t blame you for leaving him behind in the dust.
So go to classes, do new activities, meet new friends and work on your mental and physical health.
There’s no downside, and you can talk with him about the marriage when – and if – he shows an interest.
8) Let him see where he’s falling short
If you want your husband to stop treating you like nothing, show him an alternative.
Key into his deep instincts and the proactive and romantic side that you triggered during the early stages of your courtship.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to pay attention to you and actively want to be with you, instead of taking you for granted.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
9) Let him see your seductive side
One part of getting your husband to give your voice more importance is to let him see your seductive side.
Open up the throttle in the bedroom.
If the bedroom is currently down for renovations, then make an effort to dress sexy and feel amazing in your own skin.
Even if he doesn’t notice, he’ll feel that energy emanating off you:
A womanly, seductive, sexually-charged energy.
And one of those days he will definitely realize the value of what he’s got right there at home.
10) Get help mending your marriage
Mending your marriage isn’t easy.
And putting all the pressure on yourself won’t work, which is why I’ve been emphasizing putting your own priorities straight, feeling great in your own skin and giving your husband the option to reengage.
There are some other excellent resources out there that can help you recover what you once had as well.
One resource that I highly recommend is a course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article on how to save your marriage alone, then chances are your marriage isn’t what it used to be… and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded.
You feel like you and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other.
And maybe you feel that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage — even if you’re the only one trying.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world:
You’ll learn the 3 critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never learn how to fix these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn a proven “Marriage Saving” method that’s simple and incredibly effective.
11) If you could change one thing…
Part of giving space to positive changes in your relationship is not getting too far ahead of yourself.
If you could change one thing about your husband’s behavior towards you, what would it be?
- His schedule, so he spends more time with you.
- His attitude, so he listens to what you say.
- His respect, so he isn’t dismissive to your views.
- His behavior, so he respects you and shows affection to you.
Of course, you may wish to change all of this and more.
But pick one item and focus in on it.
Bring it up with your husband and focus on it.
12) Delegate responsibilities…
A big part of building a better future with your husband is delegating responsibilities.
If your husband is treating you like you don’t matter, it generally means he’s slid off the map and is not helping out in any way and is emotionally and physically absent from the relationship.
In other cases it means that he’s still performing all his duties but has cut off communication with you about sharing the load. He’s working hard, but he’s tuned out of the marriage in other words.
By really working out what the two of you can do together, you can help draw a line where you feel like your needs are met…
And where he feels that you’re also an important partner in his life who’s not just part of the scenery.
13) Become the woman he used to love
None of us can go back in time or reverse aging, at least not yet.
With how fast Elon Musk’s discoveries are moving maybe we will soon.
But the point is that you can go back and rediscover the magic of your early courtship.
It’s all about focusing on your strongest suits and becoming the woman you want to be; the kind of woman he fell in love with.
Earn back their trust by showing them that you can change.
If you want some help with what to say, check out this quick video now.
Relationship expert Brad Browning reveals what you can do in this situation, and the steps you can do (starting today) to save your marriage.
14) Have clear boundaries…
One of the problems that many women make in one-sided marriages is that they are way too willing to cross their own boundaries to get their man back.
This feeds into a cycle of desperation and codependency which will only cause your husband to further withdraw.
You need to have clear boundaries, and they inevitably need to include your willingness to walk out the door.
Taking a spouse for granted is very real and, sadly, very common.
My own husband is a master at it, so I should know.
You need to communicate to him your concerns in the relationship, along with your limits.
Let him know that you’re not window dressing or a prop who will always be around.
You have a life and priorities and needs. If he refuses or is unable to address them, he may end up alone.
15) … But avoid self pity
One of the worst responses you can have to an uncaring husband is self-pity.
The cheap wine of tragedy tastes good when you first take a swig, but it eventually turns sour in your mouth and causes horrific hangovers.
I’d highly recommend just saying no.
Saving the relationship when you’re the only one trying is tough but it doesn’t always mean your relationship should be scrapped.
Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.
16) Know when to stay the course…or when to cut and run
Let’s face it:
Sometimes your best option is to leave.
You deserve better.
If your husband is ignoring you, I feel for you.
It feels awful, and you deserve better.
The problem is that so many of us have devalued our own stock. We’ve talked ourselves into a corner and convinced ourselves we’re not worthy of real love, real respect and real reciprocity.
Let me bust that down:
We all are!
If you want to throw in the towel on your marriage, I wouldn’t blame you.
But if you’re looking to give it another shot I have a suggestion:
By now you should have a better idea of why relationships are so difficult and men can be so hard to understand.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.