Is your husband a selfish man?
I don’t envy you, but I do have some advice.
Have hope: this does not have to be the end of your marriage, and can actually be a chance for growth and a comeback.
“My husband only cares about himself” – 10 tips if this is you
1) Encourage him to grow up
One of the most common reasons for selfish husbands is selfish boys and teens.
Let me explain:
Boys who grow up in a culture or family environment that encourages them to value their opinion over others often become boorish in marriage.
They are taught from a young age that their opinion as a boy outweighs the opinion of a girl. That they are “boss,” the head honcho, the one who really matters.
Well, you get the picture.
“Some parents coddle their son’s so much that those same men grow up to think that their opinions and feelings are the ones that count the most.
And while your husband may not have had any control over his upbringing, he most certainly has control of his actions now.”
That’s exactly it. You can’t let your husband off the hook on this one.
Just because he grew up in a jerky way doesn’t mean he has to stay that way. And you shouldn’t be giving him a pass to do so.
He’s a man now, or he should be.
Which brings me to point two…
2) His inner hero isn’t triggered by you
Another one of the possible reasons why your husband may be acting like a selfish jerk is that he feels like something is missing in your marriage.
For many men, this missing “X factor” is a sense of not having their inner man brought out by their wife. They feel that their masculine nature isn’t truly being engaged, so they disconnect and stuff themselves on junk food, lazy activities and a me-first mindset.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
3) Don’t make excuses for him
As part of learning to trigger his hero instinct and dealing with childhood attitudes that he may still have, it’s important not to make too many excuses for your husband.
At the same time, avoid being overly accusatory or taking his selfishness very personally.
In many cases, selfish people are barely aware of being that way because it’s become such a habit for them.
Be specific about the selfishness that’s bothering you, and be honest about your own faults, too.
As you do an inventory, make sure you’re not aiming for perfection. Aim instead for small improvements.
It could start with him taking out the trash and end with your husband actually helping look after the kids or doing the cooking sometimes.
Big dreams start with small beginnings.
4) Avoid black-and-white thinking
As you deal with a self-centered husband, do your best to avoid the common psychological pitfall of black-and-white thinking.
This is where you see every situation and issue as black and white.
Your husband is not a saint or a devil. He’s a flawed and probably somewhat paradoxical individual with all sorts of light and shadows.
We all are, really.
But if you want to reach some improvements on his selfishness, do your best not to build up his behavior into the end of the world.
It may be frustrating as can be, but try your best to notice a few positives in his behavior and start from a place of lovingly encouraging him to do better.
“You see your partner as either negatively always or never doing things.
For example, thinking, ‘my husband only cares about himself,” is an all-or-nothing thought.”
5) Don’t confuse his behavior for his identity
Calling out your husband’s selfish behavior is best done by providing him proactive alternatives where he can do more.
As I advised, start small and work your way up.
While dealing with a husband who doesn’t pay attention to you and doesn’t share his energy or time with you, it can be easy to say that’s just who he is.
He’s a bump on a log with nothing to offer. But don’t confuse his behavior with his identity.
Your husband may be behaving in a very selfish way for 100 different reasons. You shouldn’t make excuses for it as I said, but that doesn’t mean that you should write him off.
6) Know how to bring out his proactive side
Men aren’t born selfish, it’s actually the opposite. They’re born to rise to the challenge and do great things for those they care about. This reaches back to the earliest roots of evolution.
The most committed men I know in marriages are caring and humble to their wife. But they’re also strong and dominant in a non-aggressive way.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to completely stop having affairs and commit only to you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
7) Start making changes to his daily routine
As part of beginning to shift your husband’s attention away from his him-based solar system, start small.
The most powerful leverage you have is to encourage him to start instituting small changes in his daily routine.
Our habits are what make us who we are. By changing this, you can start changing everything.
Instead of your husband getting up at 8 a.m. and demanding breakfast before work starts at 9 a.m., suggest that he start getting up at 7 a.m.
One hour can make a huge difference.
Show him how a vacuum works and get him to help you out around the house one day a week. He might groan, but we’re in the days when men can help around the house without shame, aren’t we?
Instead of him only asking how you feel when he wants sex, let him know that communication is really important to you and that you like to talk more than in just a transactional way.
8) Stand up for yourself!
As you deal with a self-centered man who you’ve made a vow to, it can be downright exhausting and emotionally draining.
As you struggle with trying to get your husband to notice that he’s not the only person who exists in the world, do your best to also focus on yourself.
Self-care is a good place to start, but you also want to dig deeper into the roots of how you love and where your boundaries are for how other people treat you.
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learned about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
9) Get your financial life in order
Another big step to take if your husband is self-centered is to get your financial life in order.
It may sound like a strange topic to mention in this regard, but here’s why it matters:
If your husband is addicted to work and focused on earning money, it’s often one of the big reasons that intensifies his disconnection from you.
This also leads to many husbands complaining that they’re already earning money for the family and “what more do you want?”
What you want, of course, is for him to really be involved in the relationship and part of your life again. And one of the best ways to make this happen is to take off a bit of the monetary pressure.
If your husband isn’t so focused on money and your relationship is well-padded financially, it can often ease a lot of the pressure.
The fact is:
Our beliefs about money are powerful, and finding your way to real financial success has a lot to do with your money mindset.
10) Let your husband make it up to you
As part of your husband’s rehabilitation from selfishness, your job is basically to show him how great life can be if he stops being so self-centered.
Let your husband make it up to you.
Date nights out on the town, maybe a weekend away together.
And more importantly:
A consistently less selfish approach where he not only pays more attention to you but also to everyone else in your life.
He’ll end up becoming much happier as well, once he gets out of his own orbit a bit more, which is a win-win. Because the truth is that spending too much time only focused on ourselves is really a recipe for misery.
Finding his generous side
As you begin to communicate with your husband and encourage him to become a more attentive man, it’s all part of the process of finding his generous side.
If he doesn’t feel judged, so much as encouraged, it will encourage him to live up to his potential and become all he can be for you – and for himself.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.