Infidelity is an issue that affects millions of couples around the globe.
Whether it is emotional cheating, physical, or both — the fallout can feel devastating and throw your relationship into chaos.
The good news is that it’s possible to recover from affairs.
Here are 10 tips if your husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with you.
1) Give yourself and your relationship time
I’m guessing that your head might be spinning with so many thoughts right now. Take a big breath. If this is fairly recent news for you, then you’re still likely to be in shock.
The truth is that, if you decide it is what you want, it is going to take time and patience to restore your marriage.
But that means you don’t have to have all the answers and solutions right away. The feeling of panic you are likely experiencing right now is normal.
It’s okay to feel scared, confused, angry, hurt, or any other emotion that comes up for you. You deserve to feel whatever you need to feel.
It may take some time for things to sink in. You may even want a little space before you decide what to do for the best.
You may not know yet whether you want to let your husband stay, or how you even really feel about everything.
You do not need to decide anything right now before you are ready to. Take the pressure off yourself.
Know that you can give yourself and your relationship some time to figure things out. It’s ok to postpone any final decisions.
2) Talk to him about his feelings and tell him yours
Communication is key in any relationship. But realistically it also very easily breaks down.
Now is the time to lay all your cards on the table and encourage some totally honest talks between you and your husband.
It’s difficult to fix the marriage unless you can be honest about everything — both the good and the bad that you both may feel.
Now is not the time for holding back.
Whilst it’s incredibly tempting for you to vent and him to listen. You both have a lot of listening and a lot of talking to do on both sides.
He may even be feeling like he doesn’t deserve you anymore. He may be feeling ashamed and embarrassed by what he did.
Rather than jumping to any conclusions about exactly how he is feeling, let him explain it to you. Try to stay as calm as you can. Try not to get upset when he says things you disagree with.
Let him talk without interrupting, and ask him to do the same for you when you speak.
3) Why does he want to stay?
If your husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with you, then the big question is, why?
What is his motivation for wanting to stay in the marriage and how does that make you feel?
Your decision of whether you want to repair the relationship may heavily rely on his reasons for wanting to stay with you.
If he is showing regret and says that he also still loves you, that may feel more encouraging.
If on the other hand he seems to show wavering commitment to your relationship, and being with the other woman simply isn’t an option for him — you might be feeling more suspicious.
Some reasons he may want to stay with you could include:
- He still loves you
- He feels pressured to stay in the marriage (either by you, family, or society)
- He is confused and doesn’t want to throw the relationship away
- What you two have together feels more important to him than the other woman
- He is scared of losing you
It’s important to understand what he is trying to say. If he is saying that he feels he made a mistake and wants things to change, then this is a sign that he is willing to work hard at repairing the relationship.
If you are going to repair the damage, then he needs to show remorse for what has happened.
Even if the affair has not been physical, falling in love with someone else is still an emotional betrayal that needs to be recognized.
4) Delve deeper into the root causes
Things don’t “just happen”. There are always reasons, and those reasons are rarely simple.
When you are frantically wondering what to do if your husband has feelings for someone else, a good place to start is trying to figure out the flaws within your own relationship with him.
That is in zero way assigning any blame onto you. It is just a realistic recognition that something has brought the relationship to this point. And that involves two people.
Can a man love his wife and another woman at the same time? Technically, yes he can. But it is very likely that your relationship with your husband had problems before this.
It may be a lack of connection, physical intimacy, emotional honesty, trust, respect, etc. You need to know what these issues are so you can fix them.
The first step is to acknowledge that there are problems in your relationship. Then you need to find solutions to address these problems.
Even if this woman were to disappear off the face of the earth tomorrow, your marriage problems most likely wouldn’t be gone with her.
5) Get help mending your marriage
I hope these tips will give you some sense of direction over what to do next. But I totally realize that none of it is easy.
It’s a lot to deal with. Getting the help of a professional on side can make all the difference.
That might be a marriage or relationship therapist. Another strategy to check out that I highly recommend is a course called Mend the Marriage.
It’s by famous relationship expert Brad Browning.
If you’re reading this article, then chances are your marriage feels on rocky ground… and maybe it’s so bad, that you feel like your world is falling apart.
You may feel like all the passion, love, and romance have completely faded. You might feel like you and your partner can’t stop yelling at each other. And maybe you are scared that there’s almost nothing you can do to save your marriage, no matter how hard you try.
But you’re wrong.
You CAN save your marriage.
If you feel like your marriage is worth fighting for, then do yourself a favor and watch this quick video from relationship expert Brad Browning that will teach you everything you need to know about salvaging the most important thing in the world:
You’ll learn the 3 critical mistakes that most couples commit that rip marriages apart. Most couples will never learn how to fix these three simple mistakes.
You’ll also learn a proven “Marriage Saving” method that’s simple and incredibly effective.
6) Is he going to break contact with her?
What has your husband told you about having further contact with the woman in question?
Perhaps he has agreed to break all contact and focus entirely on your relationship. But maybe he is still making excuses.
Realistically, “my husband wants to stay friends with the other woman” or “my husband still talks to the woman he cheated on me with” just aren’t going to cut it.
If he is genuinely invested in fixing things with you, he needs to cut ties with the woman he says he is in love with.
It makes things a hundred times harder for everyone concerned if he continues to see her. The temptation is too great.
Those feelings are unlikely to disappear overnight. It would be incredibly challenging to rebuild trust whilst she is still a feature in your lives together.
Admittedly, this may be more complicated if the woman in question is someone who right now is an unavoidable part of his daily life — for example, a colleague.
In this case, your husband must decide whether to continue working with her. If he does, it is likely to cause resentment between you two. A practical solution may be to transfer or even look for another job.
Whilst she remains in his life, the feelings he has for her always have the potential to grow.
7) Set some ground rules and agree on a plan
If you both want to make the marriage work then you will need to agree on things that you will both do to help strengthen your relationship.
That probably includes things that will bolster your emotional and physical intimacy again.
That might be making more time for one another, exploring new interests together, or carving out time to sit down and properly talk every day.
At the same time, there might be some practical rules you want to create to rebuild the trust in the relationship.
For example, you could agree that you won’t discuss what happened outside of the house. Or perhaps you want to agree not to go back to where the affair took place.
You may feel like you are in need of some firmer boundaries in order to feel secure again.
Whatever you decide, you need to be honest and open about what you expect from your partner moving forward and what they can expect from you in return.
8) Don’t compare yourself
One of the most natural things in the world to wonder when your husband has had an affair or has feelings for someone else is — why her?
But this type of thinking is only going to drive you crazy.
No matter how much you try to rationalize it, you will never understand why it has happened. So don’t waste precious energy thinking about her. Because that is a red herring.
Don’t make it about the other woman. It’s not actually about her. And the more you bring her into the picture, the more of the frame she is going to take up.
If you keep talking about her over and over, you are keeping her a part of your relationship.
For your marriage to survive and come out stronger than ever before, now more than ever, it needs to be 100% about only you and your husband.
If or when your mind wanders onto her, remind yourself where your attention really needs to be.
Your husband wants to stay with you. If you want the same, that is where your focus should fall.
Look forward not backward. Be prepared to start fresh (without her) and don’t be tempted to keep on playing the blame game.
9) Practice plenty of self-care
Up until now, these tips on what to do if your husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with you have focused on getting the relationship on track.
But it’s important not to forget or neglect yourself in this.
Your well-being should always be your number one primary concern, even when your marriage is on the rocks.
That’s far from selfish. If you are feeling distraught, depleted and with nothing else to give you can’t show up effectively in your relationship.
So make sure you focus on the simple things that have a powerful impact. Despite how you are feeling, try to get enough sleep, eat right, exercise regularly, and find ways to relax.
This is especially true if you are dealing with infidelity. Because if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you are going to be less able to cope with whatever comes next.
And if you aren’t coping, then you’re going to be less able and willing to do what it might take to heal your marriage.
If you need support, turn to a friend or family member who you know you can trust to be discreet and offer a shoulder to cry on. Part of self-care is also knowing you don’t have to go it alone.
10) Know that relationship cracks don’t have to mean it’s broken
This last tip is about perspective.
No matter how devastating things may feel right now I hope it helps to know that many relationships face huge trials and challenges and still survive.
Infidelity in particular (in different forms) is common. That doesn’t make it any easier for you to face, or lessen the emotional impact it has on you.
But it is potentially light at the end of the tunnel to hear that almost half of the couples who have gone through affairs do manage to stay together and work things out.
It’s also good to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But there is such a thing as a happy marriage.
The key is finding a way to meet each other’s needs and desires again.
You will both have to put in the effort to rebuild something that was once so strong. But if you can do that, you may be surprised by just how much you can grow and change together.
“My husband is emotionally attached to another woman” — When to walk away
A marriage is a commitment that nobody takes lightly. But that doesn’t always mean you should do anything to save it.
There may be circumstances when you feel it is better to walk away, even though he wants to stay with you.
These might include:
- If your husband wants to stay in touch with the other woman he loves.
- If your husband hasn’t shown guilt or remorse over what has happened.
- If your husband isn’t prepared to make changes.
- If your husband won’t invest in the work to improve your relationship.
- If this has been an ongoing problem for some time and nothing has changed.
- If deep down your heart isn’t in it anymore and you don’t want to fix things.
To conclude: What should I do if my husband is in love with another woman?
Away from the fairytales, real-life love and relationships aren’t easy. If you still love your spouse, what you really need now is a plan of attack to mend your marriage.
That means working to repair your relationship. It means making some changes. But no matter how difficult it gets, you could even come out stronger than ever before.
Many things can slowly infect a marriage—distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can metamorphosize into infidelity and disconnectedness.
When someone asks me for advice to help save failing marriages, I always recommend relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning.
Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
The strategies Brad reveals in it are extremely powerful and might be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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