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My husband hurts my feelings and doesn’t care: 12 warnings signs (and how you can fix it)

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Being hurt by a friend or family member is horrible, but it’s ten times worse when it’s your husband inflicting this pain.

He’s supposed to be the one person who has committed to loving and taking care of you forever, yet he’s quick to dismiss your feelings.

It can range from ignoring you when you’re hurt to going out of his way to upset you.

There’s no quick-fix solution to this heartbreaking issue, but by knowing the reasons why he’s pulled away plus the warning signs to look out for, you may have a chance to salvage your marriage.

Let’s jump straight in with possible reasons why he doesn’t seem to care anymore:

Why has your husband stopped caring?

For one reason or another, your husband acts as though he despises you. On a good day, he might dismiss your feelings and ignore you, and on a bad day, he puts you down in front of others.

And the worst part?

Whenever you try to talk to him about it, he’ll twist it around and accuse you of being “too sensitive” or “dramatic”.

The fact that you can’t have an honest conversation makes the situation even worse and leaves you feeling utterly confused and hurt.

But until you do manage to get the truth out of him, here are some possible reasons why his behavior has turned so cold:

He’s lost respect for you

When someone loses respect for you, it’s obvious. The way they once regarded you and even looked up to you vanishes and instead, they treat you like a second-class citizen.

But there’s usually a reason why a partner loses respect, and it often comes down to a lack of trust.

Ask yourself this – what’s changed?

Is there something you’ve done that you know your partner was particularly upset by? Did you betray him in any way?

There’s always the possibility that your husband is acting this way because of something you’ve said or done, but not always.

Sometimes, a man might lose respect for his wife because he realizes he doesn’t love her.

If he was completely infatuated with you when you first got married, it might be that he never loved you in the first place – it was lust.

And now that lust has worn off and the honeymoon period is over, he sees the real you, and it’s not in line with the image he has of you in his mind.

He wants to leave you

As tough as it is to hear this, your husband might hurt your feelings because he’s frustrated and wants out.

It’s twice as bad because not only does he want to leave the relationship and move on with his life, he’s also going to punish you until he finds the guts to do it.

And essentially that sums it up, he’s a coward and he’s taking it out on you.

He probably hopes that you’ll get fed up and leave him first, that way he can save face and look like the victim instead of the guy who left his wife.

He’s unhappy in life

Another reason your husband might act like he doesn’t care about you is he’s too caught up in his worries and stresses.

If he’s deeply unhappy in his life, he might find it hard to be happy for others or even maintain healthy relationships.

After all, how can he care about your feelings when his own are down in the dumps?

The best way to find out whether this is the case or not is simply by observing him.

How does he treat other people?

Is he happy in general or is he bitter and cold to everyone who dares to cross his path?

If you’re the only person he treats cruelly, this probably isn’t the reason.

But if he behaves this way with everyone then it could indicate that there’s a deeper issue and it could be affecting his mental health.

He takes you for granted

This final reason points towards an imbalance in your relationship.

If he’s quite dominating and controlling, and you allow this or struggle to stand up for yourself, he might take advantage of it and assert his power over you by hurting your feelings.

It’s not a good situation to be in.

If this is the case, your husband simply isn’t a nice person and there’s the possibility you’ve facilitated his behavior to the point he now thinks it’s normal and acceptable to treat you badly.

You might be thinking, “He wasn’t like this before we got married”, and this could be a sign that your husband has narcissistic tendencies.

Narcissists are great at charming and wooing the subject of their interest, but once they “get” you, they quickly lose interest and the relationship can turn toxic.

In any case, being married to someone who takes you for granted and has a complete lack of care towards you isn’t a healthy relationship or position to be in.

Recommended reading: 19 glaring signs you’re being taken for granted in a relationship

So now we’ve covered some of the reasons why he’s stopped caring, let’s look at the warning signs:

12 warning signs to look out for:

1) He dismisses your feelings

Being dismissive of your feelings is probably the most important sign to look out for – he’ll downplay arguments or brush off your feelings and act as if nothing has happened.

It can be incredibly frustrating to have your feelings constantly overlooked.

Over time, you can end up wondering, “Is it me, am I the problem?”.

If so, it’s important to remind yourself that your feelings are valid and just because he ignores them doesn’t make them any less important.

And, as we looked at in the reasons above, there’s the possibility that you’ve upset him, but it could also be that you’ve done nothing wrong and therefore his behavior is completely unjustified.

If you’re seeing this symptom in your marriage, you need to watch this free online video by marriage expert Brad Browning.

In this video, Brad will teach you 3 techniques that will help you repair your marriage.

Brad Browning is the real deal when it comes to saving relationships, especially marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.

Here’s a link to his video again.

2) He puts you down in front of others

As a married couple, you don’t want to be airing your dirty laundry in public.

No matter how much your significant other annoys you, some things should be kept private between the two of you.

So what does it mean if your husband starts putting you down in front of other people?

Well, for start it shows a complete lack of respect.

If he truly respected you, he wouldn’t dream of embarrassing or upsetting you in front of your friends and family.

Secondly, it certainly shows a lack of regard for your feelings (and how little he cares about them), because he’s openly willing to humiliate and put you down.

In a previous relationship where he most definitely didn’t care about me, “What’s wrong with you?” was a constant question I was asked (and not in a concerned way).

You see, the more this negativity is projected onto you, the more you might start believing it to be true.

Unfortunately, I know from experience.

I genuinely started believing that something was wrong with me…all because someone I trusted kept drilling that into me.

So if your husband insists on putting you down, privately or in public, know that this isn’t normal behavior.

A loving, respectful husband would do everything they can to uplift you, not drag you down with criticism and negativity.

QUIZ: Is your husband pulling away? Take our new “is he pulling away quiz” and get a real and honest answer. Check out the quiz here.

3) He deliberately tries to annoy you

There’s no easy way to say this…

If he goes out of his way to push your buttons, he hasn’t just stopped caring about you, he potentially hates you.

In our relationships, we know which buttons to press and which to stay clear of. After all, when you live with someone you get to know everything they like and dislike.

In a healthy relationship, these buttons might get pressed on odd occasions, during a particularly nasty argument for example.

But, they’re usually pressed sparingly.

If your husband constantly tries to wind you up or do things to irritate you, it could be a sign that he’s holding in a lot of anger and resentment towards you.

And over time, resentment mixed with anger can turn into hatred.

4) He doesn’t play the role of the husband anymore

Whatever you define the role of a husband as, whether he’s the breadwinner or the stay at home dad, if he stops performing it, something is certainly wrong.

Most couples fall into a routine and have shared responsibilities.

He washes the dishes whilst she takes out the trash or vice versa.

And certainly, there are other roles that he will fill as a husband – such as his contribution towards the household.

The role the husband sees himself having in a marriage comes down to the hero instinct.

If you haven’t heard of this concept before, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.

Men have a desire for meaning and purpose and this plays out in how he approaches his marriage. He wants to step up for his wife, protect her, and provide her something no other man can.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

So for a marriage to succeed, it needs to give a man a sense of purpose. It doesn’t matter how good you look, or how much of a firecracker you are in bed, a man won’t stay committed to a marriage unless you give him this.

To discover how to trigger the hero instinct in your husband, watch this great free video.

Some ideas are game changers. And when it comes to giving your husband what he wants from a marriage, the hero instinct is one of them.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

5) He blames everything on you

In every relationship, mistakes are going to happen. Sometimes it’ll be your fault, sometimes his.

But in a loving, committed relationship, such mistakes should be overcome healthily and without guilt-tripping each other for every slip up that happens.

The sad truth is:

If your husband keeps blaming you for everything that goes wrong, even factors out of your control, it’s a clear sign he no longer cares about your feelings.

Even worse – he’s willing to make you feel bad for things you didn’t even do.

And as this behavior gets worse, you might start to feel like you’ve got no real say in anything.

An argument happens and instead of defending yourself, you might feel worn down and just accept the blame to make him get off your back.

6) He avoids spending time with you

There could be several reasons why your husband has stopped making time for you – work, other commitments, conflicting schedules.

But the difference between a busy husband and an uncaring husband is the former will still let you know they miss you whereas the latter won’t give it a second thought.

If he never seems to miss you, it’s not a good sign.

Ultimately, you’ll be able to tell using your gut instinct if this is the case or not, whether he’s really busy or he prefers to hang out with his friends than with you.

7) He’s less affectionate with you

Being less affectionate is another clear indicator that there’s love lost in the relationship.

After all, affection is the perfect way to show you care without having to verbally express your emotions.

A touch, a hug, or a kiss is all it takes to comfort someone.

So if your husband steers well clear of any form of affection, including having sex, it could be that he simply doesn’t love you or isn’t attracted to you anymore.

And avoiding intimacy is just another way to show you this.

8) He stops communicating

And just as your husband might stop having sex with you, he might also refuse to talk.

Sure, he’ll answer your questions with one-word replies and the occasional grunt.

Eventually, you start to wonder why you bother trying.

The sad truth is his short replies and avoidance of communication are major red signs within themselves.

It not only shows he doesn’t care about how you feel but also that he has no drive or passion to work on the issues in your marriage.

If you have communication issues in your marriage, you need to watch this free video.

The video was created by Brad Browning, who I mentioned above. He’s hands down my favorite marriage expert on the internet.

In his simple and genuine video, he’ll reveal how to make your husband actually want to communicate with you more.

9) He criticizes everything you do

“Why did you leave the keys in the bowl?” (even though that’s where you leave them every day).

“Didn’t you wear that dress yesterday?”

“You need to start hitting the gym, you’re still carrying a lot of Christmas weight”.

Whatever the opinion, he’s got plenty of them, and most come in the form of criticisms.

You might feel like you can do nothing right in his eyes, and his harsh comments are constant reminders that he doesn’t care how insensitive he’s being.

After a while, you end up tiptoeing around him.

But this isn’t how a marriage should be – he’s supposed to help you overcome insecurities, not pile on more.

Now, that’s not to say the odd critique won’t slip out from time to time, but if it’s constantly happening, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap about your feelings.

10) He’s never happy to see you

There’s nothing worse than the gut-wrenching moment you realize your partner isn’t excited to see you anymore.

You wait all day to get home and ask him how his day was, yet he doesn’t even look up from the TV when you walk in.

Instead of sending you cute texts reminding you how much he misses you, the only messages you receive are ones of practicality.

So does this mean all love is lost?

Possibly, but it could also be that he’s extremely upset about something and he’s distancing you, maybe as a form of punishment by ignoring you.

11) He doesn’t remember things that are important to you

In a loving relationship, the couple tries their best to put on fun birthday surprises and romantic anniversary dinners.

It’s a sign that you both love each other, and the hard effort put into special dates shows how much effort you’re willing to make.

So what if your husband never remembers your anniversary?

What if he forgets that you had a big meeting at work and acts surprised when you mention it afterward?

Either he’s simply not paying attention to you, his mind is elsewhere, or he truly doesn’t care.

But whichever you look at it, it’s not hard to record a date down, our phones do all the work for us and even send us a reminder – yet he still can’t make the effort.

It might help to think back over your relationship…was he more engaged at the start?

If you can pinpoint roughly when his behavior changed, you might be able to get an indication of what went wrong.

12) He cheats on you

If he’s unfaithful, there’s no bigger sign to let you know that he wholeheartedly doesn’t care about your feelings.

In fact, there’s no clearer way than infidelity to show it.

He’s not only betrayed your trust, but he’s broken the vows he took and acted with no thought to how it could break up your family.

And even worse?

It shows his cowardice.

Instead of being honest with you and admitting he’s unhappy in the marriage, he’d rather keep you in the dark and mess around in secret.

So we’ve covered the warning signs that he simply doesn’t care about you anymore – I’m sure it wasn’t a pleasant read especially if you resonated with some of the points.

But you need to know whether your husband is just going through a rough patch, or whether he genuinely doesn’t care about hurting your feelings.

Now, let’s find out how you can salvage the relationship (if you still want to, that is).

QUIZ: Is he pulling away? Find out exactly where you stand with your man with our new “is he pulling away” quiz. Check it out here.

What you can do to fix it

The truth is, there’s no easy way to resolve this.

To regain the love and respect you once had from your husband is going to take time, commitment, and willingness from both of you.

But, it’s not impossible.

First, you need to start by trying to have an open, honest conversation with your husband.

This isn’t the time to beat around the bush and let him come up with every excuse in the book – be firm and explain that for the marriage to work out, this conversation needs to happen.

You see, in some cases, he may be going through something tough of his own and he’s taking out on you.

I’ve experienced this with my current partner, and thankfully a heartfelt conversation opened his eyes to the fact that I’m not his emotional punching bag.

Here are some ways to approach the conversation that I found particularly helpful:

  • Make a brief list of the reasons why you’re upset (it helps in case you become overwhelmed)
  • Arrange a time and place for the conversation with him – don’t spring it upon him randomly one day
  • Be open-minded and listen to him, especially if he starts to open up about why he’s been acting this way
  • Have some clear expectations of the changes you’d like to see written out, not too many but enough to make a difference in the relationship
  • Be completely honest and don’t hold back on letting him know how he makes you feel

And finally, if your husband is willing to make an effort, you might want to consider seeking marriage counseling.

With a professional, you can work through his issues in a controlled, calm environment.

So if you manage to get through to him – great news!

Hopefully, you’re on the way to improving your relationship and resolving the issues that caused him to be so cruel in the first place.

But what if he doesn’t want to work on it?

Maybe he flat out refuses to talk to you or he resorts back to playing the blame game or dismisses your feelings?

What if it’s too late to fix it?

There’s the very real possibility that your husband won’t admit something is wrong.

He’ll continue to be disrespectful of your feelings and you’ll know in your heart that nothing you say will make him see sense.

If this is the case, know when to walk away.

If your husband isn’t brave enough to recognize and admit that the way he treats you is unkind and unfair, nothing you say will change his mind.

And ultimately, respect and love need to start with you first.

Until you find the courage to walk away and put yourself first, you’ll be allowing yourself to be mentally and emotionally abused.

Let that sink in…you’ll be allowing it.

Because regardless of whether his disregard is due to something you’ve done, or he’s just bitter towards you for no good reason, you’re the only one who has the power to put an end to it.

If you’re ready to take that difficult step and leave the marriage, I’d recommend taking part in this free masterclass on Personal Power by the world-renowned shaman, Rudá Iandê.

The sad reality is:

Your husband’s behavior will have impacted you in more ways than you realize.

Your self-esteem has probably dropped down to zero, the belief and confidence in yourself non-existent.

So, at a time when you’re about to upheave your entire life, it’s great to have a tool like the Personal Power workshop that helps you reconnect and rediscover the love for yourself.

Takeaway

I hope that if there’s one message you take from this article, it’s that even if you’ve done something to upset your husband, there’s no excuse for him to treat you this way.

There are no two ways about it.

Your husband, your marriage, and potentially even you, have deep-rooted issues that need to be worked on.

And if that fails or he’s unwilling, you need to stop allowing this abuse to continue and move on with your life.

Only then will you be putting yourself first and breaking free from an unhappy, unhealthy relationship.

And you can finally work on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

How to save your marriage

However, if you do feel that your marriage needs work, I encourage you to act to turn things around now before matters get any worse.

The best place to start is by watching this free video by marriage guru Brad Browning. He explains where you’ve been going wrong and what you need to do to make your spouse to fall back in love with you.

Click here to watch the video.

Many things can slowly infect a marriage — distance, lack of communication and sexual issues. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can lead to infidelity and disconnectedness.

When someone asks me for an expert to help save failing marriages, I always recommend Brad Browning.

Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his popular YouTube channel.

Here’s a link to his free video again.

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Kiran Athar

Written by Kiran Athar

Kiran is a foodie, writer and traveler. She considers herself a citizen of the world, who gets her inspiration from the people she meets along her journeys. She's currently living in Spain, where she spends her time writing, watching the shepherds and eating tapas in the mountains of Andalucía.

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