You never imagined it would come to this point, but here you are.
Your girlfriend is cheating on you, and you’re losing your mind. She’s the love of your life so it’s not easy—you’re conflicted whether you should stay or go.
There, there. You got this.
In this article, allow me to guide you on what to do now that you know your girlfriend is cheating on you.
Step 1: Have a proper breakdown
There’s no getting around it—you’re emotionally tense. And who could fault you? You trusted your girlfriend, only for her to betray that trust.
It can be tempting to “stand firm” and try to act like it isn’t affecting you, but don’t. Trust me, it’s much better if you simply let it out.
Those emotions want to be let out one way or another, and trying to keep them contained is how some people end up with anger issues.
So try to find a way to be alone—like, say, locking yourself up in your room for a day or two—and vent.
You can cry, scream into your pillow, punch your bed, and sleep.
Accept that you feel these emotions, that you are affected by them, and let them loose where they aren’t harming anyone.
Step 2: Calm the F down
Okay, so letting out your emotions safely is a good first step to take, but you can’t stay there forever.
As tempting as it is to text your gf “How dare you!? Who is this guy?!”Try to calm yourself down first. Lashing out is never a good idea.
What you should try to do instead is to calm down. Do whatever helps you feel better, be it watching meditation videos, playing games, reading books, or going for a very long walk.
Before you try to approach your girlfriend, it’s important that you are calm, because otherwise you might just end up making things worse.
What if it turns out that she wasn’t actually cheating on you, and you simply thought she did because of rumors and misunderstandings?
And even if she did actually cheat, you still don’t want to burn your bridges immediately in case you still want things to work out somehow.
Step 3: Verify if she’s really cheating
Before we get any further, it’s important that you ask yourself whether she is actually cheating on you or not.
It’s easy to come to the conclusion that she must be cheating on you if, say, you see her hanging out with another guy, or if you notice that she’s been less attentive towards you.
Or perhaps a friend told you that they saw your GF kissing another guy the other day, or that the reason your GF has been less obliging towards you lately is because she’s found someone else.
But here’s the thing. None of these are solid proof at all and you’d be making a big mistake if you act like they are.
But don’t disregard them entirely, of course—it may mean that there’s something wrong with your relationship.
So dig a little deeper, try to see if you can find evidence one way or another. And only when you do find solid proof that she is, in fact, cheating, should you go ahead with the other steps in this article.
Step 4: Give yourself time to process things
Now you might think “But why? I already cried and calmed down!” and I think you’ve done plenty of processing already… enough for a whole lifetime, even!
But trust me, it isn’t. Take it from me—I’ve had wounds from past breakups haunt me months after we’ve parted ways. I know people who still ache from betrayals decades in the past.
And you likely hadn’t had decades to process your emotions. You’ve done what you can to calm down, but don’t get cocky and always take the time to stop and ask yourself if you’re letting yourself get carried away.
You’re bound to slip up if you rest your laurels, especially if you’re madly in love with your girlfriend.
Step 5: Get proper guidance from a relationship coach
I’ll have to be brutally honest here. Cheating is not a problem that relationships can just bounce back from and very few couples actually stick together after one or both of them cheated.
Sometimes it might seem like they’ve settled their problems, only for them to end up breaking up months or years afterwards anyways.
If you really want to make things work, you need to do it right and that’s why it’s a good idea to have a trained relationship coach to help guide you every step of the way.
And my personal recommendations lie with Relationship Hero.
Their relationship coaches excel at saving relationships.
I’ve had them personally help me through a personal crisis a while back where I thought my relationship was done for. And yet somehow they pulled through by guiding me every step of the way.
Because of them, I’m still happily in love to this day.
Step 6: Take a hard look at your relationship
When was the last time you tried to really examine your relationship?
I mentioned before that very few relationships survive cheating, and one reason why is because cheating doesn’t simply happen without reason.
That’s why it’s important that you sit down and take a long hard look. Ask yourself questions like these:
- Are you still compatible now?
- Do you think you still genuinely like each other?
- Is your relationship growing?
- Do you still enjoy each other’s company?
- What issues did you have? Were they more than the fun times?
You might think that everything was going along fine, but it could be that your girlfriend has been feeling uncomfortable or unsatisfied with you for a while now.
Perhaps as you came to know one another better she realized that you weren’t as compatible as you thought, or that her values and yours conflict.
Or perhaps you yourself have fallen out of love for her and simply want her around for the sake of familiarity and comfort.
Step 7: Take a hard look at your girlfriend
Try to pay attention to how your girlfriend has been throughout your entire relationship.
What are her values? What is she like as a person? What are her struggles?
Most important of all—has she cheated in the past?
If cheating is totally out of her character, then you should probably try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps you should look deeper into what might have pushed her into seeking comfort in another man.
If she has a history of cheating, try to recall why she did them. Did she once do it when she’s already unhappy in a relationship and wants out? Did she do them because she’s naturally impulsive?
Doing this will help you decide if you should still fix things or let her go. It will make you answer the question “Is she still really worth it?”
Step 8: Take a hard look at yourself
Of course, after you examine the relationship and your girlfriend, you must examine yourself.
Ask yourself the following:
- Do you think you’ve been a good boyfriend?
- Do you think you are in a state to keep being in a relationship?
- What do you bring to the table?
- What are your good traits?
- What are your bad traits?
These questions will help you assess the root cause of the cheating.
If you realize that you’ve actually had a lot of misgivings, then even if it’s hard right now, you have to be a little empathetic.
It’s painful when our partner cheats on us, but if there’s a reason for it—say, you’ve cheated on her before or you’ve been fighting a lot—then maybe it’s a good idea to be a little more understanding.
Remember: In most cases, cheating doesn’t just happen. It’s possible that you also have a role to play in the decay of your relationship.
Step 9: Ask yourself if it’s worth saving
Can you really be back together again? And I mean really really?
Imagine this scenario in your head. Your gf leaves the other guy and then begs for your forgiveness.
You accept and try to keep going as before… but you just can’t, because now it’s hard for you to even trust her anymore. She broke your trust once, what’s to say she won’t do it again?
What can you even do to make things work?
Most of all, do you think it’s worth it still?
At this point, you should make decisions based on your long-term happiness. It’s time to use your brain and not just your heart.
For example, even if you’re still madly in love with her, if you realize she’s clearly bad for you, then break up. Or if you have children, it might be a good idea to give her a chance even if you really want to leave her for good…because you have children involved.
List down the pros and cons of getting back together, and focus on the long-term. Be totally honest with yourself.
And if you’re having a hard time deciding, which is highly expected if you’re still grieving, then remember that you can always consult with a Relationship Hero.
Step 10: Talk it out
This is the most important part—the one you’ve been preparing all the other steps for—so you better do it right.
They say communication is the best skill a couple can have, and there’s a really good reason for that. In fact, without communication there is no way any relationship will last.
And the first thing you need to keep in mind before talking to her is that you’re in a good mood. A tall order given circumstances, but it’s important.
Next, you should ask her if she has something to tell you.
And if your gf won’t confess (which is to be expected), tell her as calmly as possible that you know what she’s doing. But if she tries to justify herself, listen. Don’t interrupt. Just let her explain…because she might be telling the truth.
If you really want to heal and move on—whether as an individual or as a couple—then your goal for talking should be reconciliation. So do things that could lead to that: listen, keep an open mind, and be respectful.
Step 11: Try to forgive her fully
And I say try, because forgiving something as big as cheating isn’t going to be easy. But when you do, try to forgive her in full.
Don’t be dismayed if you’re having a hard time, and if possible you should try to prepare yourself for it before you even begin trying to forgive her.
Try to keep in mind that if you truly love her, you will give her one free pass. One. And when you give it, don’t dangle it and use it as a way to manipulate her.
If you see this as an opportunity to break her heart, to plot revenge, or to control her, then you’re not ready to try stitching things up with her.
In that case, you need to distance yourself for a while to heal properly.
This is, of course, assuming that your girlfriend admits that she had indeed cheated on you. There’s always the possibility for you to be mistaken despite everything, in which case it’s you who should apologize.
Step 12: If you decide to stay, create a relationship that works for both of you
Okay, so assuming that after all that you decided that you can still make things work. Good for you.
It won’t be easy, even if you love each other a lot. You can’t just do things the way you did them before or you’ll just end up making the same mistakes otherwise.
This is something I had learned from the renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
As he explains in this mind blowing free video, most people actually misunderstand love and end up approaching it in a way that not only makes it harder for them to find love, but to also hold on to it when they do find it.
It’s completely understandable, of course.
Society itself sets these expectations through how we express romance in the media and how our friends and family see romance.
Rudá explained in great detail how these expectations—such as the idea of finding love at first sight, having a happy ever after, or that our partners should match us perfectly—sabotage our relationships, and offered an actual, practical solution to how we can work against those preconceptions.
Like as not, the way the two of you approached romance itself had a hand in why your girlfriend cheated on you, and Rudá’s advice will help you deal with it.
It’s time to see love and intimacy in a different way.
Step 13: If you decide to leave, leave and don’t look back.
I would not blame you if you decide not to keep the relationship going.
As I mentioned before, very few relationships can truly survive cheating and most couples still end up breaking up anyways… even if it takes years for them to end it for good.
And while there’s a chance that you might deny those odds and stick together anyways, if you don’t do everything right, you might just end up wasting three years trying to make a failed relationship work.
Following the steps above should have thankfully given you plenty of time to think things through.
If your head, your heart, and your gut tells you that it’s not going to work no matter how much you still love your gf, no matter how much she’s willing to make up for her deed, it won’t work.
It will suck, you will start life from zero, and you’ll train yourself to have a life without your girlfriend.
But when it’s over, you know it’s time to let go. So if you feel this strongly, go ahead and start a new path without her, and don’t look back.
- Allow yourself to be sad for a while
- Reassure yourself that you make the right decision
- Talk to a therapist
- Use this time to grow
- Contact her “one last time”
- Ask friends about her
- Hang out where you used to frequent
- Be bitter
Nothing is more painful than being cheated on by someone who you think would never hurt you.
But you must know that cheating is often a symptom that things have been going badly for a while beneath the surface.
There’s a change that because of this incident, you’ll come out stronger as a couple as you reflect and recommit to your relationship. There are couples who come out stronger after an affair.
However, if you realize that the relationship is not worth saving, then wave it a proper goodbye.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.