Is your relationship feeling stale, or even worse, your girlfriend is kind of boring you?
Then you are going to want to read these 12 tips.
They’ll give you some ideas on what to do when you’re dealing with a boring girlfriend, and how you can turn things around.
“My girlfriend is boring” – 12 tips if this is you
1) Get specific and figure out what exactly bores you
Ok, so let’s start with the basics.
As obvious as it may sound you need to spend some time really thinking about what is causing the problem.
Maybe you know exactly what bores you about her. Perhaps it’s something in particular that she talks about, some of her interests, or the fact that she doesn’t want to do certain things.
But you might just have a general feeling of being bored when you are around your girlfriend.
Try to laser in on what it is that you are finding boring.
Is it linked to her personality? Is it something to do with her behavior? Or is it that you don’t do that much when you’re together, and so you feel bored?
Is it her or the relationship in general that feels boring?
It matters because the more specific you get about what is at the heart of the issue, the easier it will be to come up with the right plan to deal with it.
2) Try to inject whatever you feel is missing into the relationship
Routine can create a sense of stability but it can also start to feel boring.
That’s why whenever you feel bored it can be helpful to shake up your relationship routine.
When you figure out some of the things that may be missing, try to inject them back into your relationship.
For example, if you are sick and tired of staying home doing nothing with your girlfriend then suggest a fun day out together.
If the spark has faded from the bedroom, try to spice things up again by suggesting you try out something new.
If the romance has gone, then surprise your girlfriend with a candlelit dinner.
What would make you feel less bored in the relationship? Try to find new ways to introduce it.
If you’ve got into the habit of staying home a lot, simply going on dates again might bring back that interest.
3) Consider if you’ve left the honeymoon phase
Depending on how long you’ve been together, you may be leaving the honeymoon phase.
Here’s the tricky thing:
In the early stages of a relationship, we’re flooded with feel-good hormones that often cause intense attraction. Simply being around them is enough to make us happy, excited, and content.
It’s Mother Nature’s secret to get us to bond and mate. And it works very well.
But this initial chemical reaction that we have in the beginning is also like any other drug, and it’s high is only temporary.
The honeymoon period can last anywhere from 6 months to two years. As it starts to fade, most couples will have to readjust.
Plenty of people break up at this point simply because things are no longer exciting. Those butterflies have flown away. And what you are left with is “real life”.
It’s common to start to question your relationship at this stage. But the good news is that after the honeymoon period couples can bond on a different but deeper level which cements the relationship.
But it also means you may have to work at keeping the spark alive because unfortunately it eventually fades for pretty much all of us.
4) Remember what attracted you to her in the first place
No person is perfect. No relationship is perfect.
During challenging times in a relationship, you might find yourself focusing on the negative.
If you’ve started to think of your girlfriend as boring, this might grow and grow as it’s all you seem to notice about her.
Try to shift your focus back on what it was that first attracted you to her. Does she have a wicked sense of humor? Is she the most thoughtful and caring girl you know? Is she crazy hot?
Whatever it is that made you want to be with her in the first place, now is the time to recall those positive qualities.
This alone can have a big impact on how you feel about her. In the science world, they call this cognitive reappraisal.
It means the ability to look at the situation more realistically, rather than exaggerate it in your mind.
And studies have shown it has the ability to change the way you feel about situations, simply by shifting your emotions around it.
So start to look for what isn’t boring about your girlfriend, rather than get hung up on what is. The more you do, the less boring she will be to you.
5) Reflect on these things…
Obviously, I don’t know your girlfriend, and so it could be that she really is the dullest gal in the world.
But here’s the thing:
Before blaming her for being boring, it’s important to do some self-reflection. If for no other reason than it is the easiest place to start.
All problems start in our own minds.
I’m not dismissing the problem you have, I’m just saying that it’s a fact that you find her boring right now. So that feeling is coming from you.
And so it’s important to recognize the role you play in how you feel. Your mindset plays a huge role in how happy you are in any relationship.
- Is she boring, or are you just comfortable in the relationship and miss excitement?
- Do you have a pattern of getting bored with girlfriends after a certain point?
- Have you been doing anything to try to improve the situation, or were you hoping it would just resolve itself?
Basically, take some time to consider your part in all of this.
6) Decide if you are incompatible
There’s actually no such thing as boring.
Rather than “my girlfriend is boring”, what is a far fairer reflection of the situation would be to say:
“I am bored by my girlfriend” Or “I am feeling bored when I’m with my girlfriend”.
It might sound like a pedantic difference, but it’s important.
At the end of the day, we all have totally different ideas on what is fun and what is boring.
We’re unique. We have different interests, energy levels, personalities, and values. And all of that plays a part in shaping what we like and dislike, but also who we get along best with.
As one survey (looking at what it takes to create a lasting relationship) found, it’s incredibly important to be compatible:
“Sharing values, faith, beliefs, tastes, ambitions, and interests with their partner was very highly regarded. Holding things in common was seen as a key ‘connector’ in the couple relationship. Participants expressed disappointment when the everyday experiences of life could not be shared.”
Maybe in the beginning you were drawn together for superficial reasons, but as time has gone on the cracks in your compatibility have begun to show.
You need to look at the deeper foundations of the relationship and ask if you are a good fit for each other. For example:
Do you share the same core values?
Do you want the same things?
Do you enjoy the same activities and interests?
Do you share the same humor?
There will always be differences in any relationship. You are individuals after all.
But the more differences you have, the harder it can be to sustain a relationship. And it might suggest that you find your girlfriend boring simply because you aren’t a good match.
7) Tackle any communication problems
Differences in your communication styles can also cause problems that might manifest into finding your girlfriend boring.
For example, take this one guy speaking anonymously on Reddit.
He loves his girlfriend but still feels like she talks his ear off occasionally about things he couldn’t care less about:
“She has a tendency to ramble about subjects I clearly find uninteresting or hard to talk about, such as makeup, fashion, and some of her highly specific and obscure hobbies…another tendency of hers is to repeat herself over and over again elaborating on the same point until I just zone out a little.”
Maybe you can relate?
Sure, in an ideal world we would be enthralled by every word our partner says, but in the real world, it tends not to always happen.
If your girlfriend bores you about the things she talks about, trying to find a compromise might be your best bet.
Understand that you may need to be patient sometimes. It may not be interesting to you, but if it’s interesting to her that is also important.
But conversations need to go two ways. If she persistently repeats herself or talks at you (rather than with you) for long periods of time, it’s perfectly ok to, tactfully, point this out.
Lots of perfectly happy couples still struggle with communication issues from time to time.
8) Try to create new shared interests
Doing things together that you both enjoy is going to help strengthen your bond and create more fun in the relationship.
When you have been together for a while, things can start to settle into a predictable routine which can feel boring.
The more things you find in common and the more shared experiences you have together — laughing and enjoying yourselves— the less bored you will be.
You may have plenty of different interests and hobbies, but try to find some things that you both enjoy doing.
If you don’t know what these are, explore new ideas to try together. Make suggestions and be proactive if you want to try new things.
9) Make sure you’re having sex regularly
It’s no secret that sex is a great way to spice up a relationship. Sex is also a powerful bonding tool between partners.
It helps you feel closer to each other and creates feelings of intimacy and trust. The truth is that simply making love more can really turn your relationship around.
After a while the sex can fade from a relationship, it’s totally normal. It just means you have to make more of a conscious effort for intimacy.
Sex releases feel-good hormones and can help to defuse the tension that arises in a relationship.
10) Make more of an effort
If the relationship is important to you, then you may need to make more of an effort.
Spend some quality time together. Make an effort to have deeper conversations if you’ve fallen into the habit of Netflix and chilling.
Try to do things that keep the relationship interesting. Surprise her, pay her attention, and show an interest in the things she likes.
That means listening when she tells you about things you don’t feel particularly interested in. It means asking her questions.
Hopefully, she will reciprocate. It should be a two-way street.
You’ve got to remember that you are in this relationship too. And it’s not her job to keep you entertained. It’s down to both of you to put energy and effort in to make the relationship satisfying to both of you.
Start by leading by example and trying to put even more effort in. At the very least, if you still find your girlfriend boring, you’ll know you did all you could.
11) Contemplate if you’re expecting too much from the relationship
We have a tendency as a society to expect an awful lot from relationships. I think all those romance films must have twisted our ideas about love.
We expect our partners to be our lovers, our saviors, and non-stop entertainment. We kind of build our world around them.
Then we feel let down when they don’t live up to what we want from them. It’s super easy for these unrealistic expectations to creep in.
That’s why it’s worth checking whether you are expecting your girlfriend to fulfill responsibilities that should be your own, not hers.
She can’t be everything to you. She cannot fulfill all your needs, she is just one human being.
12) Talk to her about how you feel
If feeling like your girlfriend is boring is more than a passing phase, you need to speak to her about it.
You never know, she may also be feeling bored too.
There may be other issues going on that are affecting the quality of your relationship. Or the spark could just be missing and you’ve fallen into a rut.
But either way, you will need to work together if you want things to get better. And that means talking about it.
Obviously, it’s important to be tactful when you raise the subject. You can’t blurt out that she’s a total bore.
Here are a few tips for when you bring up a delicate topic like this:
- Don’t assume you are right and she is wrong. Rather than blaming her, try to be sensitive and take ownership of the way you feel.
- Pick the right moment to raise the subject (when you are both in a good mood and getting along, and not during an argument).
- Listen to her point of view as much as you speak.
- Try to frame things positively rather than negatively. E.g. “I’d love it if we could laugh more together/do more fun stuff together/find more activities to enjoy together. What do you think?”
To conclude: Is it OK to feel bored in a relationship?
The truth is that all relationships can sometimes be boring, and that’s ok. Every now and then it’s totally normal to feel this way.
Real life isn’t always so exciting.
There are plenty of things you can do to make your relationship more fun, even if you’ve been feeling bored by your girlfriend recently.
But if the issues are more fundamental, then you need to understand that she can’t change who she is. She shouldn’t have to either.
Sometimes it boils down to whether the things you like about your girlfriend far outway some of the things you find boring about her.
If you can’t shake this feeling that she is boring, and it’s destroying your relationship, then it’s time to find someone you are more compatible with.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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