Let’s face it, there isn’t a perfect relationship.
Even the sweetest couples have regular squabbles, but if your girlfriend keeps getting upset over everything, it can be a pain to deal with.
Luckily, there are some things you can do about it. Here are some tips on how to deal with a girlfriend who’s always upset over everything.
1) Don’t make her feel bad for feeling bad
Okay, first things first: Make sure not to ever gaslight your woman, especially if she’s upset.
Don’t tell her “It’s nothing!” or “You’re being dramatic” because they can cut deep, especially if she’s being told those things all her life.
Her feelings matter. She’s not just being “whiny” or “bitchy” or “making a mountain out of a molehill.” Okay, sometimes she does all that but it’s because she’s just overwhelmed by her feelings!
There’s always a legit reason for why a person gets upset. Heck, you get upset over petty things, too. Who would want to have a bad mood just for the sake of it?
In our society, women are discouraged to express negativity, and repressing her feelings can make your girlfriend feel even more awful.
Most of the time, we feel bad for two things—the actual thing we’re upset about, and the fact that we’re upset about it. Remove 50% of her burden by reminding her it’s perfectly fine to be upset (even about something so stupid).
2) Encourage her to talk
A sign of a healthy relationship is that the couple keeps communication open, accepting, and always available.
Listen to what she says with an empathetic ear. Do not think of a rebuttal or advice while she’s talking. Truly listen when she’s talking!
Although you might find her moods annoying, you have to be sensitive to the fact that she might be bottling up things that aren’t easy to talk about. Some people find it easy to express themselves, some find it the hardest thing to do.
Maybe she’s upset because she wants your help but she doesn’t want to ask you directly for it.
Maybe she finds it hard to express her jealousy so she just pouts in a corner hours after your female colleague messaged you.
You can confront her directly if you have an idea of the cause of her frustration. If you have no clue, you can encourage her to talk about her feelings by opening up something about yourself, too.
You could talk about how disheartened you are that your cat recently got sick. Or, if you wanted something a bit deeper, maybe you could mention a family problem that you’re comfortable sharing.
Just making her feel like she can share everything with you could dramatically improve her mood and strengthen your bond.
3) It must be her hormones
Okay, let’s just get one thing straight: hormones affect our mood.
Surely, it’s never an excuse for a girl to be upset over the tiniest things just because it’s her period or her hormones are going out of whack, but you have to be aware that sometimes, it’s just hard to be okay when your body is doing crazy things.
She might want to cuddle one minute then punch a punching bag the next. Yes, hello there, hormones!
It doesn’t mean you should just roll your eyes and say “Let me guess…it’s that time of the month again?” because that’s lowkey gaslighting—you’re dismissing her actual issues just because she’s a girl.
Look, her issues may seem petty to you but they’re not to her because they’re amplified 10x thanks to her hormones. You have to thank the heavens you’re not born with fluctuating hormones.
So instead of getting annoyed at her because she’s too moody, maybe you can help her calm down by giving her chocolates and lots of empathy.
4) Kill her with warm hugs and kisses
Speaking of hormones, you can trick her brain with it, too.
You might not believe it, but most girls have mood swings because they lack physical affection.
It’s because of a little buddy in our brains called oxytocin, also known as the “love drug”. It’s responsible for most of the affection, love, and overall squishy feeling we feel. We want to be cuddled and on some days that we don’t have enough of it, it can affect our moods.
We also have other buddies called dopamine and endorphins. Dopamine is responsible for pleasure and mood while endorphins release stress. These are your two best friends in understanding your lovely woman on a scientific level.
Give her dopamine-inducing things like warm hugs and many little kisses, chocolate and a really good massage. Treat her like a princess on her worst days instead of attacking her with harsh words and sighs of frustration.
5) Be direct but gentle with your words
You have to be firm but soft, especially if your girl is a highly sensitive person (which I assume she is).
Of course, you can say what you think and how you feel, but be mindful of how you express yourself. Remember to use gentle and encouraging words that don’t antagonize her.
After all, your girl isn’t the enemy here so don’t make her feel she’s one.
She’s suffering from all the little and big things that upset her, from her moods that can sometimes get crazy, from her childhood and other factors that have made her who she is now.
Instead of saying “Why do you always ruin our date?”, say “I notice that you’re not feeling good again today.”
Instead of saying “I’m sick of your drama!”, say “Your mood is affecting me.”
Instead of saying “You’re such a whiner”, say “You’re a little pessimistic.”
The difference is subtle but it has a big effect on how you communicate. You’re still getting your point across but you’ve removed the sharp edges. Win-win. After all, you really can’t be mum about how you truly feel. A relationship consists of two people, after all.
6) Influence her to look at the bright side of things
Your girlfriend might be a hardcore pessimist that’s why she tends to get upset over every little thing.
Although it’s difficult to change this overnight as it may be embedded in her make-up and it’s part of her core personality, you can at least try to influence her.
For example, you can choose movies that have happier stories. Or you can turn it into a daily exercise. Make it a sort of tradition to talk about the good things that happened in your day.
When she complains, challenge her to look for the good.
It’s not gaslighting because you’ll still acknowledge the bad stuff, but it’s just that you don’t want to dwell on it. Every bad stuff has a good stuff in it, so encourage her to look for that.
7) Don’t psychoanalyze her
You shouldn’t try to assume you know everything about how your girlfriend thinks. She is not as simple or straight-laced as you think.
If you do, you’ll come off as condescending and arrogant, and boy oh boy, no one wants to be with someone like that!
I understand that you might want to think of “scientific reasons” why she is the way she is, but she’s not a dinosaur…and you’re not a therapist.
I understand that you want to help her but do it in a way that doesn’t make her feel like she’s a kid because let’s face it, you don’t want someone to do this to you either no matter how well-meaning they may be.
If you really want to help her in this way, you can suggest that you both try therapy. It can encourage her to visit regularly to manage her moods.
Of course you shouldn’t say it in a way that there’s something very wrong with her and she should talk to a shrink. Tell her you both should give it a try because it can both guide you in managing your emotions.
8) Ask her if she just wants to vent or she wants solutions
Before you give her a ten-step guide on how to solve her problems, ask her if she actually needs solutions or she just wants to vent.
If she needs to vent, lend an ear ( don’t give unsolicited advice!) and if she needs solutions, that’s the time you can give your two cents or even fifty.
Sometimes, women love it when a man is sensitive enough to listen and ask questions. But sometimes, they want their man to stop talking and just do something to help them. It depends on the situation so you have to ask.
If she complains about her boss and says she wants to resign, maybe she doesn’t want to hear “Yes, I’ll help you write your resignation letter right away.” Maybe she just wants you to listen to her rant and to tell her “Yeah, your boss is nuts!”
If she complains about her back pain, maybe she doesn’t want you to book a doctor’s appointment for Monday, maybe she just wants you to listen to her complain about it. And maybe give her a nice massage.
9) Make her feel like you always have her back
Every relationship requires teamwork. Listen to her when she gets upset over something and reassure her that you have her back, no matter what.
Help her get through it, whether it’s finding a solution to her problems or giving her a hug. If she’s upset about you, talk it out and don’t make her feel that you’ll leave her for it.
Reassurance is one of the best gifts you can give your partner. Tell her that you’re with her, that you’ll stay by her side no matter what. Yep, even if you find her moodiness a little annoying sometimes.
Make her feel like she can count on you through thick and thin. It can ease her burden especially if you’re dating someone with anxiety. Your words would sound like a warm hug to her so give her that if you truly love her.
10) Take a break
Let’s be real—dealing with a girlfriend who gets upset over everything is exhausting!
You may already be sacrificing too much in your relationship so you need to make sure you’re still okay. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of her, plain and simple.
Take a “break” from the relationship without breaking up. If you’re clear about your intentions—that you need to recharge but you’ll be back— she’ll understand. If she gets upset some more because of this, you have to think twice if she actually loves you.
Once in a while, a break is great for the both of you.
Not only will it help you regain your energy and patience, it will likely make her reflect on her behavior.
Just make sure you don’t make her feel like you’re losing your love for her and rethinking your relationship. Tell her that you need some space to decompress because her moods are affecting you (and that you love her with all your heart, of course!)
11) Distract her from her problems
Your girlfriend’s problems may be small but if she’s an overthinker, she will keep worrying about them. You’re her boyfriend and unfortunately for you, it’s your job to distract her from her problems so she won’t get trapped in her thoughts.
You can make her laugh or take her out to dinner. You can send her memes all throughout the day. There’s a lot of fun activities you can do together to break her away from her worries.
If she’s upset over something very important though, don’t distract her from her problems. Do fun things with her as a way to recharge, but guide her back to solving her problems.
You don’t want her to totally forget her problems if they truly need to be addressed. You just need her to feel good again at least for a little while.
12) Try your best to understand her
I think it’s safe to say that at this point, even if you forget everything else, the one thing you need to remember is that you have to do your best to understand her. Once you do, everything else will follow.
But understanding another person isn’t easy. It’s tough to even understand oneself.
But don’t worry if you don’t understand your girlfriend immediately. It’s expected. It takes time to really get to know someone.
Learn more about her history, especially her childhood.
Notice the things that upset her.
Notice the things that make her happy.
Learn what you can about your girlfriend by observing her and asking her questions about herself. That way, you can help her navigate her emotions, and find a way to stay away from triggers.
13) Accept that there’s nothing much you can do about it
If it’s just something you noticed lately, maybe there are just outside factors or temporary internal changes (like a quarterlife crisis) and so she will revert to her usual self once that’s solved.
However, if you’ve known her to be this way, sorry to say it but she is what she is. There’s a chance that she will change, of course, but it requires therapy and a lot of determination both from her and from you.
Although all of the tips mentioned above can make her feel loved and therefore less upset about things, you still can’t change the way she is to the core.
If you still love her despite her bad moods, then you have to hope for the best, be encouraging, but don’t expect too much. You will only end up disappointed and you’ll be pressuring her. It’s not a good way to live.
When your girlfriend gets upset often, it can be tempting to raise a white flag and give up on the relationship altogether.
Don’t go there so fast.
After all, it’s not the only thing she has to offer. She may be irritable and moody, but maybe she’s also generous and funny and the most loving person on Earth!
I encourage you to be the bigger person when your girlfriend gets upset, but to also continue to work on it by trying to solve her issues and letting her learn how to cope with her emotions better.
Right now, she needs your support, love, and understanding. Do give them to her in abundance and who knows, you might be surprised to see right before your eyes the transformative power of love.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you.
Click the above link to get $50 off your first session – an exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers.
Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.