10 reasons why your ex reached out and disappeared

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Did your ex reach out to you and talk to you but ignore you afterward?

I know, it’s so confusing especially when you’re already trying to move forward. Understanding why an ex would bother to get in touch, then disappear again can be frustrating.

So, what’s the deal with that conflicting action?

Let me share these 10 key reasons why so you can make sense of it.

Your ex reached out and then disappeared? 10 reasons why

It’s normal for an ex to contact you after a break-up and then leave the conversation with loose ends. This happens even if you’ve both set a “No Contact rule” after a break-up.

Let’s jump straight in.

1) Part of them misses you

It’s not over yet.

When your ex finds random excuses to contact you and message you, it’s definite that your ex misses you.

Some signs that show your ex misses you include:

  • Your ex wants to know what’s going on with your life
  • Your ex asks you to hang out
  • Your ex tells you directly he’s missing you
  • Your ex gets upset and jealous that you’re dating

Your former flame might not be over the breakup yet or still cares about you.

But this doesn’t necessarily mean your ex wants to get back together.

2) Your ex is emotionally hurt

Breakups are devastating and heartbreaking, to say the least. And for men, they aren’t wired to handle breakups as we do.

Probably, your ex sees you as the “phantom ex” or the one that got away – and this causes them to reach out to you

It could be that your former flame is still experiencing hurt, pain, disappointment, and confusion.

Your ex could still be trapped in this phase that he’s even trying to find reasons to meet up or get back with you.

But, don’t get your hopes up, especially if you are still not over your ex.

3) Your ex is lonely

Men need an ego boost especially when they feel down. When they call or text you (and you reply), he’s all set because he only wanted confirmation that he still got it.

There’s no reason for him to continue the conversation as your reply was satisfying enough.

On the other hand, women get flattered when a former flame reaches out.

Probably, there’s a part of us that hopes for more conversation, messages, or perhaps, a chance to start over again.

Are you still friends with your ex and want to take things back to the way they were?

In this situation, there’s one thing you can do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.

I learned about this from “the relationship geek” Brad Browning. He has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back.

In this free video, he’ll give you all the tips you need to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll show you exactly what you can do.

Here’s a link to his free video again. Watch this if you want your ex back.

4) There’s a need to fulfill

No matter who did the breakup, one can’t move on that quickly or miss the other person any less.

Like you, your ex will also feel triggered by random reminders of the past.

When your ex gets in touch and you respond, they’ve confirmed you’re still reachable and interested.

Their reaching out to you is a way to fulfill a need for a bit of contact.

The reasons might be something such as:

  • They could be holding their hand out for friendship
  • They could be reaching out for support
  • They could be killing time and alleviating boredom
  • They could be testing the waters and hooking up with you for sex

5) Your ex wants to show off

Some men are likely to show off the women in their lives to boost their ego, popularity, and desirability.

Others have this narcissistic personality and stay in contact with their exes for praise, sex, or validation.

Be warned! He’s not interested in the conversation as he’s only waiting for a response from you.

When he messages you, he’ll be hoping your reply will make him look good. He would show off those conversations to his friends as evidence that he was hot and desirable.

Or perhaps he shows up unannounced to show off. Whatever it is, watch out.

6) They got a few drinks

Drinking alcohol reduces inhibitions and can bring on a sentimental state of mind.

When your former flame had a few drinks and messages you, it could probably mean:

  • They need validation, ego-boost, or affection
  • They still have unresolved feelings or need closure
  • They desire to have sex
  • They could be missing you and waiting for you
  • They’re bored and don’t know what they want

Being on the receiving end will make you wonder if there’s any truth in it.

But like all cases of text drunk and drunk calls, nothing comes out of it. It’s done with carelessness and the aftermath is always filled with regrets.

So stop taking it seriously.

7) He feels sentimental and nostalgic

The emotions that breakups can bring can be complicated. It’s one of the most stressful and emotional experiences that sometimes the grief can be paralyzing.

Like women, men get sentimental and nostalgic too.

Your ex might remember your special times together, which made them miss you. And to deal with it, he’ll message or call you to ask how you are or say that he’s thinking about you.

Your ex is falling victim to the nostalgia principle. It’s where they could probably want to relive the best moments of the relationship momentarily.

But then, while this sentimentality can be strong, it’s short-lived.

Soon enough, he’s on to the next thought or memory. So there’s no reason for you to attach yourself when your ex contacts you on impulse.

8) Your ex is too curious

Your ex could be reaching out to you out of sheer curiosity.

They might have seen your social media posts, spotted you having dinner with someone, or heard something interesting about you.

Your ex is curious to know what’s happening in your life.

The reasons could be something like:

  • To know how you’re coping after the breakup
  • To find out who you’re going out with
  • To understand what you feel about them
  • To know what you’re doing in your spare time

Don’t get your hopes up as your ex is only contacting you as he’s curious about those things.

9) Your ex got dumped or broke up recently

If your ex calls or messages you out of the blue, he could be feeling wounded.

Probably, someone dumped him or he might have just broken up with his current flame.

He’s reconnecting with you to have someone to talk to and feel loved, even for a brief moment. Contacting you gives him a spark of happiness.

It’s because he’s lonely and considers you as someone he can rely on.

But like any other sign, this is a temporary relief. The day he feels better, you won’t hear from him anymore.

10) To move on without regret

When your ex contacts you and didn’t reply after reading your response, he probably wants to know how you’ll respond.

In this case, your ex wants to bring a reaction out of you – whether it’s positive or negative – so he can understand how you think and feel about him.

Your former flame seeks some kind of post-breakup empowerment and validation. And the moment you provide it, your words will complete the missing piece of the puzzle.

Know that your ex reaches out to you on purpose.

You should give your ex what he seeks.

Don’t deliberately trap your ex or make him feel depressed, angry, and guilty. Let your ex go and move on guilt-free.

Why does your ex keep contacting you and disappearing?

There are reasons why your ex is frequently pulling the ghosting behavior.

  • You’re not his top priority right now
  • Your ex is busy with work, family, or personal life
  • Your ex wants to keep things at a certain level
  • Your ex is unsure how you feel
  • Your ex has no intention of staying in contact
  • Your ex is protecting himself from getting involved with you again

What to do when your ex reaches out and then disappears?

Breaking free from an ex is difficult, especially when you’re still hearing from them.

When your ex reaches out regularly, try not to assign those actions with meaning – for if you do, you’ll end up feeling lost and confused.

Remind yourself of the very reason why your relationship ended.

You’re not obliged to respond, but not replying can also give as much information as a reply.

But if you respond, be sure what you want the gain out of that interaction.

Here are things you can consider doing:

  • Ignore every call and message
  • Answer casually and in a neutral tone
  • Be normal as much as you can
  • Don’t get excited when you hear from your ex
  • Take some time if you need to
  • Never overanalyze or overthink this situation
  • Ask directly the reasons why

No matter what, don’t expect anything to come of it. Don’t expect that you’re getting back together.

Most importantly, know what’s best for you.

Think about your emotional healing. Whether you reply or not, make sure to keep your boundaries intact.

Remember this: There is always strength in letting go!

Want to give your relationship another chance?

If you want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.

The best person you can turn to is Brad Browning.

No matter how hurtful the arguments were or how bad the breakup had been, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.

So, if you’re tired of your ex reaching out and disappearing – and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.

Here’s the link to his free video once again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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